Anatole France
Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.
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“Those frames are so flattering,”
I assured my sister. She’d just gotten new glasses after 25 years and wasn’t happy with them.
“They’re OK,” she said, staring gloomily at herself in the mirror.
“Can you see better?”
“Yeah, I can see better.”
“So what’s wrong?”
“Well, for one thing,” she said,
“I thought I was still cute.”
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My nine-year-old and I passed
a store with a sign that read “Watch Batteries Installed—$5.”
He seemed confused: “Who would pay to watch batteries installed?”
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Shortly after my grandmother passed away, I took my daughter to her grave site, which was located beside a row of pine trees.
“How nice,” I said. “Grandma has a great spot here in the shade.”
My daughter replied, “Mom, they’re all in the shade.”
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A neighbor’s 44-year-old sister was pregnant with twins. When
her niece asked if she knew the genders, she said, “No. I want it to be a surprise.”
“You’re 44 and having twins,” said her niece. “How much more surprise do you need in your life?”
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Our business relies heavily on abbreviations. For example, I called a customer the other day. Reading from my printout, I asked, “Are you still a fun director?”
After a pause, he replied, “I’m a funeral director.”
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One of my fourth-grade students told me he had trouble with math. His explanation summed it up well: “The guy next to me always gets ten out of ten on his quizzes, and I get only ten out of four.”
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From an ad for an acting job: “When we finish the commercial,
it will be shown on screens in over 200 supermarkets. It’s a great opportunity for you to expose yourself in front of everyone!”
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My grandfather is a meat and potatoes guy. Once, while getting dinner ready, I asked how he liked his vegetables prepared. He said, “Fed to a cow, so they’ll turn into steak.”
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At an all-you-can-eat buffet, my nine-year-old was excited to find a chocolate milk machine. But her aunt did not approve. “Chocolate milk for dinner?” she asked.
“It’s delicious!” said my daughter.
Her aunt shrugged. “Well, its 8 a.m. somewhere.”
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Good morning everybody.
I'm going to need all of my strength this morning, and all your thoughts and prayers would be appreciated.
I hope you all have a fantastic Friday.
joe
joe
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It's still hard without kitty version Venus, so I know what you're going through. Best thoughts go out to you.
I thought about going back to sleep, as I didn't sleep comfortably but opted not to in the end. I get the day off today, so it's a day of singing practice, games and cats for me. 
Ana