Walt Whitman
I have learned that to be with those I like is enough.
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My friend, a flight attendant, asked a businessman what he would like to drink. After thinking about it, he replied, “Coffee … to go.”
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Two women came to my photo studio to have their portrait taken. My very young and very naïve assistant asked, “Are you two sisters?”
“No,” said one of the women. “We’re partners.”
“Ohhhh …,” said my assistant.
“So how long have you ladies been cops?”
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Bookstore owners share their customers’ oddest requests.
“Where’s your true fiction section?”
Holding an autographed book: “I want to buy this book but not this copy because someone’s written in it.”
“Do you have Pride and Produce?”
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My neighbor, a police officer, pulled someone over for texting while driving, a big no-no in our state. The driver was having none of it.
“I was not texting!” she insisted indignantly. “I was on Facebook.”
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Overheard: a mother bragging about her daughter. “She’s very articulate. She can draw anything.”
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I went with a friend to the country to look at a house he was thinking of buying. We found the town but not the road. We drove over to city hall, but no one there had heard of the road, not even the police or firefighters we asked. Finally, a young guy came to our aid. Pulling out a map, he showed us exactly how to get there.
“Thanks,” I said. “Are you with the police or fire department?”
“Neither,” he said. “I deliver pizzas.”
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My sister got a call from a telemarketer who was selling replacement windows. “I can’t use them,” she said. “I’m renting an apartment.”
“No problem,” he said. “You can take the windows with you when you move.”
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In the British documentary 56 Up, a man shared that he had earned a law degree at Oxford. Then, in his thick English accent, he proudly proclaimed that he was now a “barrister.” My 13-year-old daughter wasn’t impressed.
“So,” she said, “he spent all that effort getting an Oxford law degree, and now he works at Starbucks?”
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While phoning a friend, my grandmother dialed the wrong number. She apologized and tried again, but she got the same number. Once more she hung up and redialed—same result. Now Grandma was frustrated. “Look,” she told the person on the other end, “I’m going to call my friend again. This time, don’t answer her phone!”
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On a trip to Sweden, I asked a few people where I could find some good local cuisine.
“This is a pretty cosmopolitan city, so you can find just about any kind of international food that you’d like,” said one man. “But if you want truly local cuisine, get the meatballs at IKEA.”
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I’m not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, “Thanks for putting up with me so long.”
When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” I said.
She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: “Thanks for putting up with me. So long.”
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A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and, if they have avocados, get six.”
A short time later, the husband returns with six cartons of milk.
“Why did you buy six cartons of milk?” his wife asks.
He replies, “They had avocados.”
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Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would cost $6 per person.
“However,” he said, “if you’re over 65, the price will be $5.50.”
From the back of the congregation, a woman shouted, “Do you really think I’d give you that information for only 50 cents?”
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Good morning everyboomie.
Time marches on, but the heat is standing still.
I went to the sod farm, and got there at 7:45, and I left to come back home at 2:30.
I found 3 points, and several scrapers and blades. The points were in rough shape, but happy to find them anyway.
To top it off I found I won a little contest on a FB site called
Fossils,rocks and Native American artifacts . The prize, 2 points, went to the person who guessed the right number between 1 and 50. I guessed 38 and won.
Oh yeah, the heat. Well.....it was really hot.
We had the storms last night though, and out there they got about a half inch, and early in the morning it was cooler, and it heated up slowly, and also there were clouds floating over me all day to help keep it cooler.
I think the rest of the week will be spent cleaning, my house, Pepper's house, and my truck.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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Good Morning Joe, Ana flotsam and all. Joe nice win! Ana don't work to hard! Flotsam it was funny! Coffee and tea are ready.
