Martin Luther King, Jr.
That old law about “an eye for an eye” leaves everybody blind.
````````````
Ad from a printer I will not be doing business with: “We offer a full line of pricing options that will meet or exceed your printing budget.”
```````
I ordered a foot-long sandwich from a take-out restaurant and asked the clerk to cut it into fourths. “I’m sorry, I can’t,” she said. “I already cut it in half.”
`````````````
Needing to look up a phone number at a friend’s house, my teenage daughter asked for a phone book. She might as well have asked for a papyrus scroll.
“A phone book?” asked her friend.
“You know,” said my daughter.
“A book with numbers in it.”
“Oh,” said her friend as it dawned on her. “You mean a math book.”
``````````
My friend forgot his laptop on the floor of my room. My grandma thought it was a scale.
Conclusion: My grandma weighs $950.
``````````
A month ago, my friend announced on Facebook that she was no
longer ordering the large Coke at McDonald’s and would order only the small size. But the other day, looking to satisfy a craving, she drove up to the intercom at the drive-through and ordered a large soft drink. A disembodied voice
replied, “I thought you were cutting back.”
``````
During a science lesson, my sister-in-law picked up a magnet and
said to her second-grade class, “My name begins with the letter M, and
I pick things up. What am I?”
A little boy answered, “You’re a mommy.”
```````````
Customer: Pardon me, I’m lost.
Me: What are you looking for?
Customer: I’m looking for Milkjer Boulevard.
Me: I’ve never heard of it. Can I see your directions?
Customer: Sure. See, it’s spelled
M-L-K-J-R Boulevard.
````````````
Take heed, scientists: Not every scientific advancement is Nobel Prize worthy. Some must lay claim to an Ig Nobel Prize, awarded by the Annals of Improbable Research magazine:
The Prize for Physiology went to the report “No Evidence of Contagious Yawning in the Red-Footed Tortoise.”
The Prize for Medicine went to a study that demonstrates that people make better decisions about some kinds of things — but worse decisions about other kinds of things — when they have a strong urge to urinate.
The Prize for Biology went to the discovery that a particular kind of beetle mates with a particular kind of Australian beer bottle.
``````````
The topic for my third-grade class was genetics. Smiling broadly, I pointed to my dimples and asked, “What trait do you think I passed on to my children?”
One student called out, “Wrinkles!”
`````````
Good morning everyboomie.
How is everyone doing?
I hate to always be waiting for the future to get here, but man I want Summer to be over with!
Today I wanted to clean my truck, so Missy and I went to the car wash early. When I got back from there I had to clean the inside, which was almost as dirty as the outside. I worked on vacuuming until I was soaking wet, Then went inside and sat under the fans and drank some water until I was dry. Then I went back out to finish up, and again I was soaking wet by the time I was done.
I was done with the truck by 12:00, and came back in and cleaned up, put everything up, and rested up.
After that, I did some exercising, and then started cleaning inside. I took almost an hour to clean Pepper's cage.....
Then I vacuumed the living room.
Later I did three loads of laundry that had piled up.
Then I cooked steak and eggs for dinner, and then I showered.
All in all it was a good day.
That was my day. I hope yours was good too.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Good Morning Joe, Ana and all. Joe sounds like you had a busy day! Ana we are having similarweather here. Coffee and tea are ready. We are off to do some shopping and lunch at panera.
