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Monday's #1119411
07/30/17 09:45 PM
07/30/17 09:45 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
I’ve been getting into astronomy, so I installed a skylight. The people who live above me are furious.

Steven Wright

``````````````

9. Hotter Cooler
On a recent vacation at a resort with my in-laws, we planned to spend an afternoon at the pool with our kids. We wanted to bring our own drinks, but were unsure of the hotel’s policy. My brother-in-law called the front desk, and assuming everyone was familiar with the brand of ice chest he had, asked if it was all right if he brought a Playmate to the pool. After a pause the clerk asked, “Does she have her own towel?”
— Tina M. Digiovanna

10. Forcast
Vacationing in Vermont, I picked up the local paper to check out the forecast. It read: Today: Sunny, 76. Tonight: Not so sunny, 55.

— Norrine Trono

11. Beach Date
Our first day at a resort my wife and I decided to hit the beach. When I went back to our room to get something to drink, one of the hotel maids was making our bed. I grabbed my cooler and was on my way out when I paused and asked, “Can we drink beer on the beach?”

“Sure,” she said, “but I have to finish the rest of the rooms first.”

— Louis Allard

12. Familiar Faces
Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won’t be identified as clergy. They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini. “Good afternoon, Fathers,” she says as she strolls by.

The men are stunned. How does she know they’re clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer shorts, tie-dyed T-shirts, and dark glasses. The next day, they return to the beach. The same fabulous blonde, now wearing a string bikini, passes by, nods politely at them, and says, “Good morning, Fathers.”

“Just a minute, young lady,” says one of the priests. “We are priests and proud of it, but how in the world did you know?”

“Don’t you recognize me? I’m Sister Kathryn from the convent.”
— Michael Rana

13. Noisy by Nature
Some people just aren’t happy unless they have something to complain about. I stayed in a beautiful hotel right on the beach in California — an idyllic spot, you would think. But while I was waiting to check out, I heard the manager ask another guest, “Did you enjoy your stay?”

“Not really,” the man said grimly.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the manager apologized.

“What was the problem?”

“The surf was too loud.”

— Daniel Vargas

14. Something’s Fishy
While in the men’s room at a beach park in Florida, I noticed they had a plastic baby-changing table installed on the wall. Apparently, some sportsmen had co-opted this politically correct amenity for their own use. Above the table was a sign saying: “It is unlawful to clean fish on this table.”
— Cliff Revell

15. Out of Breath
While editing announcements for a newspaper, I came across an item promoting a camp for children with asthma. Aside from all the wonderful activities the kids could enjoy, such as canoeing, swimming, crafts and more, it promised that its lakefront property offered something the kids probably did not expect: “breathtaking views.”

— Christy Nichols

16. Young Man
Visiting his parents’ retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. After a while, Tim’s father returned from his walk and called out, “I’m ready to leave.”

Tim then turned to his new friend and announced that he had to leave because his father was calling. Astonished, the wide-eyed little boy cried, “You’re a kid?”
— Janice Palko11

17. Fast Swimmer
I was talking on the phone with my son, who was stationed in Hawaii with the Air Force. He was explaining how the troops were learning to scuba-dive. They used the buddy system, he said, and occasionally dived into shark-infested waters. Listening on the extension, my daughter asked, “What do you do when you see a shark?”

Said my son, “Swim faster than my buddy.”
— Joan Nozkowski

````````````

A middle school in New Ipswich, New Hampshire, encourages freethinking. A sign outside the school reads, “You are unique—just like everyone else.”

````````````

Driving along a country road, I ignored a Bridge Out sign and continued on. But in a few miles I came to a stop: The road was completely barricaded. So I turned around and retraced my route. That’s when I saw this sign on the back of the first: “It was, wasn’t it?”

```````````

I just got a GPS for my car, and my first trip with it was to a drugstore. Since the manual said not to leave it in the car unattended, I brought it with me into the store. While there, the GPS came alive, and a voice stated, “Lost satellite contact.”

I wasn’t embarrassed until a woman turned to me and said, “Your ankle bracelet monitor is talking to you.”

``````````````

Two American tourists are driving through Wales. They decide to stop for a bite to eat in the village of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogo-
gogoch.*

Baffled by the name, one of them turns to a local and asks, “Would you please say where we are—very slowly?”

The Welshman leans over and says, very slowly, “Burrr-gerrr Kinngg.”

`````````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Monday is here with all kinds of cheer. hamster


This week we are staying from 90 degrees down to 85 degrees all week.........unless they change it again. rolleyes


At any rate that's much cooler. Are any of you guys getting the cooler temperatures this week? woot


I'll probably go out to the sod farm on Tuesday, or Wednesday, or both. happydance


I'm itching to get out there and find something good. I'm tired of looking at what everyone else is finding on the artifact pages I belong to. yes


I hope you all have a happy day and a great week. rah


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1119413
07/30/17 09:57 PM
07/30/17 09:57 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
JOe, it's been cooler here and nights are chilly and make for some deep sleep I've been missing.

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1119419
07/30/17 10:58 PM
07/30/17 10:58 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, it's supposed to get down to 63 degrees here tonight. That's cooler than it's been in a long time.

Ana, glad you are sleeping better lately. thumbsup

It's Sunday night here, and I'm off to sleep. It's back to work for me in the morning.

Have a great Monday, everyone. summer


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1119429
07/31/17 05:10 AM
07/31/17 05:10 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
summer Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and all. Joe we've been having beautiful weather. It's been in the 50s at night and 70s and 80s day time. Ana how was your time with James? Venus enjoy your day. Coffee and tea are ready.
Wishing you all a great Monday! summer


Gerry
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1119435
07/31/17 06:59 AM
07/31/17 06:59 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Super Monday. Our weather is still Hot, Humid, and lots of Storms. Danish, Eggs, Grits, BB Pancakes, Hash Browns, and French Toast in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1119443
07/31/17 09:06 AM
07/31/17 09:06 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning everyone. I hope you all have a great Monday. Thanks connie for my breakfast. What a beautiful day we're having. Work at 5:00. See you later.

Midgie hearts wavegirl


Just do it.
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1119459
07/31/17 11:20 AM
07/31/17 11:20 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Humid, not really too hot, but just that muggy feeling. Yuk!


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1119466
07/31/17 12:17 PM
07/31/17 12:17 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
good morning everyone !

cooler with a very slight breeze here.nice change !

hoping you all have a fantastic one !

catrub wave2

Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1119472
07/31/17 01:34 PM
07/31/17 01:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Been a busy, busy morning here. Slightly cooler...which means it was 81 when we got back from our walk as opposed to 85. However, our high is supposed to stay in the 80's as opposed to high 90's, so we'll happily take it. Nights are still in the 70's, so we don't have those nice, cool nights just yet.

Waiting on boy's mom to get them. Hope she shows up before I have to leave for the vet as I don't have room in my truck for everyone. She was supposed to be here an hour ago. Arrrrrghhhh!

luck Joe, hope you get out soon and find some great points.

Ana wave

Venus, hope work is quick.

Gerry, 50's sounds heavenly.

Connie, hash browns always hits the spot. Thanks.

Midgy, hope work is fun and quick.

Sorta, you guys don't get muggy very often, do you?

Niteowl, wave


edit: Boys picked up! Off to the vet wavegirl

Last edited by looney4labs; 07/31/17 02:27 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1119489
07/31/17 06:40 PM
07/31/17 06:40 PM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Happy Monday to everyone! rah


Gail
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1119504
07/31/17 09:23 PM
07/31/17 09:23 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Ok, day is done. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1119514
07/31/17 10:42 PM
07/31/17 10:42 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1119515
07/31/17 10:44 PM
07/31/17 10:44 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
NIghty night...


Don't feed the Trolls
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