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Sip and Surf Sunday #1120002
08/05/17 10:04 PM
08/05/17 10:04 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
George R. R. Martin

You’re mine and I’m yours. And if we die, we die, but first we’ll live.
``````````


Yesterday I was at my local Walmart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Fred, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

On impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Walmart won't let me shop there anymore!
``````````

When I was a rookie police officer, I was flustered by citizens who got upset if I gave them a traffic ticket. They would accuse me of trying to complete my quota for the month. Then a veteran officer gave me some useful advice.

The next motorist I stopped sarcastically commented, “I guess this will help you reach your quota.”

I smiled and, repeating my mentor’s words, replied, “No, sir, they took our quota away. Now we can write as many as we want.”
```````````

When Fred Phillips, retired public-safety director and police chief of Johnson City, Tennessee, was a regular police officer, he and his partner pulled over an unlicensed motorist. They asked the man to follow them to the police station, but while en route they spotted a North Carolina vehicle whose license plate and driver matched the description in an all-points bulletin. The officers took off in a high-speed chase and finally stopped the wanted man’s car.

Minutes later, as the felon was being arrested, the unlicensed motorist drove up. “If y’all will just tell me how to get to the station, I’ll wait for you there,” he said. “I’m having a heck of a time keeping up with you.”
`````````

I had just pulled over someone for driving under the influence when another car pulled up behind us. I stopped what I was doing and ventured back to see if the driver needed assistance.

“No, I don’t need any help,” he said, reeking of booze. Then, pointing to the flashing cherry top on the roof of my cruiser, he continued, “I just stopped for the red light.”
````````````
Living in a household with eight indoor cats requires buying large amounts of kitty litter, which I usually get in 25-pound bags—100 pounds at a time. When I was going to be out of town for a week, I decided to go to the supermarket to stock up. As my husband and I both pushed shopping carts, each loaded with five large bags of litter, a man looked at our purchases and queried, “Bengal or Siberian?”
`````````````

My boyfriend and I were taking his 19-year-old niece to a weekend festival. When we arrived at her house to pick her up, she appeared in tasteful but very short shorts, and a tank top with spaghetti straps. A debate began immediately about appropriate dress. I took the girl’s side, recalling that when we began dating, I dressed the same way.

“Yes,” said my boyfriend sternly, “and I said something about it, didn’t I?”
Everyone looked at me. “Yeah,” I replied. “You said, ‘What’s your phone number?'”
`````````

As a single, never-married woman in my 40s, I have been questioned endlessly about my status by friends, relatives and co-workers. Over the years I’ve noticed a subtle change in the nature of their inquiries.

In my teens, friends would ask, “Who are you going out with this weekend?”

In my 20s, relatives would say, “Who are you dating?”

In my 30s, co-workers might inquire, “So, are you dating anyone?”

Now people ask, “Where did you get that adorable purse?”
`````

My husband bought an exercise machine to help him shed a few pounds. He set it up in the basement but didn’t use it much, so he moved it to the bedroom. It gathered dust there, too, so he put it in the living room.

Weeks later I asked how it was going. “I was right,” he said. “I do get more exercise now. Every time I close the drapes, I have to walk around the machine.”

`````````

One rainy morning, my mother went for her daily run. As she returned to the house, she slipped and fell, hitting her head on the driveway.

I called the paramedics. When they arrived, they asked my mom some questions to determine her coherency. “What is today?” inquired one man.

Without hesitation, Mom replied, “Trash day.”
``````````````


Good morning everyboomie. wave2


I'm not really sure what day this is, but I'm sure of one thing, I don't care. razz


I got some new pills from my psychiatrist, and everything is A-ok hunky dory. penguin


I don't even care that the government has tapped my phone, and bugged my house. cool


The government has been bugging me for years, along with most employers I've worked for.............and my sister. taz


My regular doctor gave me a pill to use to boost my stamina for exercise, but when I took it, it lasted for over 4 hours. shocked


When I went to Walmart for groceries it was rather embarrassing. blush


Also it almost gave me a stroke..........or two.


I feel great now though, exhausted but great. woot


Have a happy day everyone.


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1120007
08/05/17 10:56 PM
08/05/17 10:56 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
lol Joe! shocked You crack me up!

Have a happy day all! Supposed to be rainy here so we are thinking of going to the movies.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1120034
08/06/17 04:39 AM
08/06/17 04:39 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
summer Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Joe thanks for the funnies! Ana have fun at the movies! Coffee and tea are ready.
Have a Happy Sunday everyone! summer


Gerry
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1120043
08/06/17 07:17 AM
08/06/17 07:17 AM
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer
MsMercury  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
Hello Boomers, hope you are all well!

Thanks for the laughs Joe. How are you doing?

Enjoy the movies Ana! Can't remember the last time I was at the movies.

Thanks for coffee Gerry, much needed this morning.

It's been a while! I've not been too good healthwise for some time now. Doctors discovered a blockage in my leg which is causing problems walking. They've been trying to bring the pain under control so it's been trial and error with drugs. I'm now on morphine which does help. I was hospitalised for a time while they did this and surgery was mentioned. This would involve by-passing the blockage, a four-hour procedure. To cut a long story short, no surgery at the moment due to the high risk of another heart attack plus they can't guarantee it will work, in which case I would lose my leg. So...I'm pain free at least.
I could use some positive thoughts guys.

Hope your Sunday goes well!

Mary hearts wavegirl


"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1120048
08/06/17 07:41 AM
08/06/17 07:41 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Sunday. Mary, prayers and hugs on the way. hearts Breakfast out and some shopping today. Dinner and Netflix with a friend this evening. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, Ham, BB Pancakes, Biscuits and Gravy, and French Toast in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1120050
08/06/17 08:07 AM
08/06/17 08:07 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers summer

Joe, thanks for the laughs.

Ana, enjoy the movies if you go.

Mary, prayers and hugs out to you.! hearts

Gerry, coffee sounds great!

Connie, enjoy breakfast out. Have a great day.

Wishing everyone a super Sunday! car


Gail
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1120052
08/06/17 09:14 AM
08/06/17 09:14 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
lol Have a great Sunday, Joe.

Have fun at the movies if you go, Ana. thumbsup What are you going to see?

Have a happy Sunday also, Gerry.

Sorry to hear that, Mary. Best wishes go out to you, and hope a less risky solution can be found!

Sounds like a great evening, Connie. Enjoy dinner and Netflix with your friend. rah

Have a super Sunday as well, Gail.

I missed the last two days. Friday was crazy with work a voice lesson afterward (the lesson went really well thumbsup), and yesterday I decided to really focus on setting up my new computer with no distractions. I got a lot done, enough that I can probably use it more than the old one now. woot I'll just have to continue to install all of my games and documents as I go along, which should be doable.

As for today, I'm going to work on more setup, and later, Thorsgoats and I are going to watch Orphan Black. Only two more episodes to go. sad I will miss that show.

Okay, off to see what else is happening. Have a terrific Sunday, everyone. summer

Last edited by venus; 08/06/17 09:14 AM.

Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1120074
08/06/17 11:40 AM
08/06/17 11:40 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorry about your leg problems, Mary. It's awful when our bodies just won't 'cooperate'! Hope the docs get this all figured out soon.

JOE! I'm blushing. redface


Taking my friend to see The Dark Tower for his birthday. Gonna be good I hope. I 'read' (audio) the entire series last year and loved it. Sci-fi mixed with wild west, mixed with mystery. Neat.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1120095
08/06/17 04:40 PM
08/06/17 04:40 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Vacuuming done....bread rising. Time to relax just a tiny bit wavegirl

edit: Bread out. Time to feed the doggies and go to bed. Sweet dreams all sleep

Last edited by looney4labs; 08/06/17 08:31 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1120120
08/06/17 11:15 PM
08/06/17 11:15 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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