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Monday Sunshine #1122687
08/27/17 09:01 PM
08/27/17 09:01 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss)

You ought to be thankful, a whole heaping lot, for the places and people you’re lucky you’re not!
``````````

Hospital Message

Answering machine at the Mental Hospital...

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline ...

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, Social Security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y and c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.
````````

Comments from patients made while undergoing colonoscopies...

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"

5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey..."

9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

10."If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"


Fortunately I wasn't conscious during mine. slapforehead

````````````````

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers...

Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".

Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs... Julius Belzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.


I never get tired of reading those. lol
``````````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Speaking of sunshine, we ain't sposed to have any at all Monday. woot


That's fine by me cuz ahm plannin ona goin hed huntin t'day. hamster


I've finally recovered from most of the pain from my last trip. snicker


It's either go out there and dig around all day, or stay here and mow the lawn...................again. think


Tough decision. razz


Having a blast though, playing Myst IV, and Mysterious Journey II. yay


Y'all have a happy day ya heah?


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 08/27/17 09:04 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1122691
08/27/17 09:22 PM
08/27/17 09:22 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, head hunting sounds much better than mowing the lawn. It'll still be there the day after and the day after that. lol

Have a happy day all! I have an appt to take Shadow to the vet for some xrays. I know the verdict will be grim. He's going downhill fast without Merlin around. Could use some positive thoughts.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1122698
08/27/17 11:31 PM
08/27/17 11:31 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
luck hunting tomorrow, Joe. Glad you're enjoying your games.

Sorry to hear about Shadow, Ana. sad Sending best thoughts for him!! puppy

It's Sunday night, and I have to go back to work tomorrow. Still haven't found a robot willing to cooperate and work while I take the paycheck. grin At least I can sleep in a little, since I don't have to be there until 9 am. I wouldn't mind starting a little earlier, so I could get off earlier, however. Oh, well. smile

Have a great day, everyone. summer


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1122707
08/28/17 04:32 AM
08/28/17 04:32 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Online happy
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Online Happy
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
summer Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and all. Joe good luck! Ana I hope all goes well for Shadow. Venus did you you get to play with jupiter? Coffee and tea are ready.
Wishing you all a sunny day! summer


Gerry
Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1122714
08/28/17 06:40 AM
08/28/17 06:40 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Monday. Ana, positive thoughts for Shadow on the way. puppy Going shopping with a friend today. Danish, Eggs, Grits, BB Pancakes, Hash Browns, and French Toast in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1122717
08/28/17 07:38 AM
08/28/17 07:38 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers redchicken

Joe, good luck head hunting today.

Ana, good vibes, hugs and prayers out for Shadow.

Venus, happy workday wishes.

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Connie, Danish sounds great this morning.

Going out for breakfast with my daughter this morning. Wishing everyone a wonderful day! puppy


Gail
Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1122745
08/28/17 10:42 AM
08/28/17 10:42 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Joe, luck on the headhunting...

Ana, luck and prayers for Shadow. Hugs

Venus, when you find that robot, send one down here please.

Gerry, wavegirl

Connie, hope the shopping is fun and productive

Gail, enjoy breakfast with your daughter. Hope it's yummy!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1122750
08/28/17 11:46 AM
08/28/17 11:46 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Ana, good thoughts for you and Shadow today. Hope things go better than expected.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1122769
08/28/17 01:54 PM
08/28/17 01:54 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
Thank you all for your positive thoughts and prayers for Shadow! It went better than I thought even though its not good. He need a stent for his heart but they don't do that for dogs so we can't fix that. It doesn't cause pain, just a little cough and excess panting when he exerts himself. His hip is worse, which I knew but we are switching his pain meds to the regimen we did with Merlin his last 18 months which worked well. Fingers crossed it works for my buddy, Shadow as well. puppy


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1122771
08/28/17 02:18 PM
08/28/17 02:18 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
We'll all cross with you, Ana puppy


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1122810
08/28/17 06:45 PM
08/28/17 06:45 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Gerry, I played with Jupiter and Saga. grin

L4L, no problem, I'll send you a robot, too. grin

Ana, glad things weren't as bad as expected! Hope the medicine works as well as it did for Merlin!

I'm off to cram in some gaming and practice time. yes


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1122813
08/28/17 07:06 PM
08/28/17 07:06 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,658
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,658
Alabama
Moanday Monday everybody laugh

I survived and glad you did too!

We've off to a baseball game and then back home to collapse!!!

Keeping you and the buddies in our prayers Ana angel

Wishing you all a wonderful evening wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1122835
08/28/17 09:38 PM
08/28/17 09:38 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have fun at the game, soot!

Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1122851
08/28/17 11:30 PM
08/28/17 11:30 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Back from the ball game and off to bed. Dentist tomorrow sad


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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