Joseph Campbell
As a white candle In a holy place, So is the beauty Of an aged face.
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Looking for a car? Here are some telltale signs of cars you may want to avoid...
Motor Trend never mentioned a "Chevrolet Caca."
Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
Passenger-side "airbag" is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.
Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist
Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
Car has spent more time on "60 Minutes" than on the road.
Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.
Jaws of life in trunk.
The hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.
Ralph Nader's home phone number written on dashboard.
The telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.
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Lessons I've learned...
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just buttholes.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more messed up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.
I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.
I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the
local paper.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
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Signs Of The Times
Apartment building sign:
"No baby carriages or foreign cars allowed in the lobby."
Bar sign:
"Lunch now being poured."
Chinese Laundry sign:
"We don't tear your clothes with clumsy machinery - we do it carefully by hand."
Church sign:
"You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, you can ignore this notice."
Divorce Lawyer's door:
"Satisfaction guaranteed or your honey back."
Miss Piggy's sign:
"Never eat more than you can lift."
Newspaper headline:
"County officials talk rubbish."
Plumber's sign:
"Do it yourself. Then call us before it's too late."
Psychiatrist advertisement:
"A cure guaranteed or your mania back."
Restaurant Diner sign:
"Everything comes to him who orders hash."
Restaurant Sign:
"Our tongue sandwiches speak for themselves."
Scottish Golf Course sign:
"Members will refrain from picking up lost balls until they have stopped rolling."
Teamwork sign:
"Only dead fish swim with the stream."
Truck sign:
"Pass with care - I chew tobacco."
Orthopedic Surgeon sign:
"Never accept a drink from a urologist."
Taxidermist sign:
"If called by a panther, don't anther."
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Good morning everyboomie.
I see a busy week ahead for me.
Being retired is very exhausting.
It's actually not all that exhaustive. I just have several things on my plate this week in addition to the usual.
I'm just not that good with math.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
I'm claustrophobic so we shall see how that goes! 
Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Coffee and tea are ready. 
