Virginia Woolf
Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.
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Legal Truisms
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Please don't hit me - my lawyer's in jail.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Justice: A decision in your favor.
Lawyer says client is not that guilty.
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat.
It's better to be tried by twelve men than to be carried by six.
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.
What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
Laws are like cobwebs which may catch small flies, but let wasps and hornets break through.
Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk.
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
On a bill from lawyer, typed by his secretary: Bull rendered: $500.
Grand Jury: One that say, "Not Guilty."
Lawyer: A cat who settles disputes between mice.
Man minus ear waives hearing.
Satisfaction guaranteed or your honey back.
Judge Not Convinced Murder Victim is Still Alive
Lawyer Calls Soul As Witness
Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
"Your Honor, you're crazy! said Tom judgmentally.
Lawyers are like beavers: They get in the middle of the stream and dam it up.
Testimoney: Fees paid to expert witnesses.
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You know you're out of college when...
1. Your salary is less than your tuition.
2. Your potted plants stay alive.
3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.
6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.
7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.
8. 8:00 am is not early.
9. You have to file your own taxes.
10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
11. You're not carded anymore.
12. You carry an umbrella.
13. You learn that bachelor is a nice term for "jackass".
14. "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary which is a little less than your allowance used to be.
15. "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid and not married.
16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up and divorce instead of break-up.
17. You start watching the weather channel.
18. Jeans, flannels and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.
19. You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.
20. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
21. You stop confusing 401k plan with 10K run.
22. You go to parties that police don't raid.
23. Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you... and they're no longer "adults" - they are your peers.
24. You don't know what time Wendy's closes anymore.
25. Your car insurance goes down.
26. You refer to college students as kids.
27. You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon and rum.
28. Your parents start making casual remarks about grandchildren.
29. You feed your dog science diet instead of taco bell.
30. Your idea of a rocking Friday night is scoring one of the new releases at Blockbuster.
31. Half your conversations with current college students start with, "When I was in college..."
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Dear Dogs and Cats,
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
Ohhh, and my compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats' rear ends. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
I rubbed the lotion on my skin for a REASON! Not as an after-dinner snack for you. The newspaper spread on the floor is called accident paper... NOT habit paper! Also, I do not need your help driving the car, never mind what you saw on television!
To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door.....
Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet better than I like most people.
4. To you it's an animal. To me he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train. Usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.
Sincerely,
Your Owner
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Good morning everyboomie.
Boy howdy what a nice day it was here! We only hit about 80 degrees. It was cool in the morning with a slight breeze. It was great to take the dogs parking.
It would have been a awesome day to go out to the sod farm, but I decided not to mess with it. We haven't had any rain in over 2 weeks now, and the ground is pretty hard out there.
What I did do was........
....not much.
No I did some gaming, and exercising, and just enjoying the day.
Thursday and Friday both I have to be at the VA in Sherman. Labs tomorrow, and then the doctor wants to catch up on the last six months with me.
Just the thought of her massaging my prostate has me in a quiver.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Joe! Hope your exam goes well! It's nice to have a quiet gaming day, glad you enjoyed it! 
Hope your exam goes well. 
Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and all. Joe sounds like a nice day. Ana enjoy. Good Luck Gail. Connie hope you are not in the path of the storm. Coffee and tea are ready.
GBC 
you too. 
