Frank Zappa
A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it isn’t open.
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This is the road to enlightenment, revised...1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact just buzz off and leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.
3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you' re going to steal your neighbour' s milk, that' s the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It' s not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don' t be irreplaceable. If you can' t be replaced, you can' t be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you [blip].
7. Always remember you' re unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares whether you' re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you' re a mile away and you have their shoes.
11. If at first you don' t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don' t have to remember anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.
16. Don' t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don' t get until just after you need it.
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Signs you can tell it will be a rough day ahead...You wake up face down on the pavement.
You put your bra on backward and it fits better.
You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party last night, and there aren't any.
You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.
Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the interstate.
Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
You wake up and your braces are locked together.
You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
Your income tax check bounces.
You put both contacts lenses in the same eye.
Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill," and your name is George.
You send this to all your lists and put the wrong disclaimers on it!
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Riding A Dead Horse
Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. Businesses, however, often try other strategies. These include...1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse"
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.
7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.
8. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability.
9. Comparing the state of dead horses in today's environment.
10. Change the requirements declaring that "This horse is not dead".
11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse.
12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.
13. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat."
14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
15. Do a CA Study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.
16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.
17. Declare the horse is now "better, faster and cheaper."
18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.
19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.
20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.
21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's another happy Monday......behind us.
Mine wasn't so bad. It was a pretty nice day in fact. I took the dogs parking, and that was pretty much it.
I did exercise, out of boredom.
That may be what every day this week is like for me.
I think I'll have to mow again soon. The grass has almost stopped growing since we stopped getting rain, but it's finally starting to push back up there and wave at me.
After Wednesday, we climb back up into the 90s here for at least a week and a half. ARGGGHHH!!
Summer's last gasp...........I hope.
Have a fantastic Tuesday everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Only a little less than two weeks to go. 
Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus, and everyone. Joe how about some gaming today! Ana I'm not looking forward to the bitter cold but I'm loving these sunny warm 70 degree days! Venus down to one job in 2 weeks! That's great. 
