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Happy Thump Day #1124858
09/13/17 09:32 PM
09/13/17 09:32 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Jay Leno

In Berlin, a laundromat was raided because it was a front for a brothel. You know what tipped police off? Men doing laundry.
```````

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS YOU CAN KEEP

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.

2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.

3. Read less. Makes you think.

4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.

5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.

6. Not date any of the Baywatch cast.

7. Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.

8. Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of twine.

9. Not jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.

10. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.

11. Not have eight children at once.

12. Get in a whole NEW rut!

13. Start being superstitious.

14. Personal goal: bring back disco.

15. Not wrestle with Jesse Ventura.

16. Not bet against the Minnesota Vikings.

17. Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system.

18. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.

19. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords.

20. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.

21. Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace.

22. Not eat cloned meat.

23. Create loose ends.

24. Get more toys.

25. Get further in debt.

26. Not believe politicians.

27. Break at least one traffic law.

28. Not drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.

29. Avoid transmission of inter-species diseases.

30. Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.

31. Stay off the MIR space station.

32. Not worry that the Y2K bug will cause the end of the world.

33. Get wired with high-speed net connections at home.

34. Not swim with piranhas or sharks.

35. Associate with even worse business clients.

36. Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them.

37. Wait around for opportunity.

38. Focus on the faults of others.

39. Mope about my faults.

40. Never make New Year's resolutions again.
``````````

Dressing Room Humor

Here are some pretty heartless things to say to a women in dressing rooms...

That's a bit expensive just for a dare isn't it?

I saw a dress just like that one in Woolworths yesterday.

Hey, get out of here you filthy pervert! Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were a man...

I had a dress like that. My boyfriend made me throw it away because he said it made me look like Edna Everage.

Pardon me, but I think that will clash terribly with your pimples...

Excuse me, but would you stop staring at me? Yes, YOU

Look, if you're that desperate to attract a man I'll fix you up myself

Excuse me for asking, but you seem to know something I don't. Is the plain, severe and drab' look in this season?

Size 12? That's a bit optimistic isn't it?

Hi, I'm from Weightwatchers...

I wouldn't buy that dress if I were you. All it does is accentuate your roots

Excuse me, but since you're obviously colourblind would you like any help?

Isn't it funny how some clothes just accentuate the tummy like that?

God, you're fat. Don't you care about yourself?

I'm sorry, I owe you an apology. I'm the store detective and I followed you in here because I thought you'd stuffed six dresses, four skirts and a raincoat up your jumper but I can see now that it's really all you.
`````````

Things not to say to a cop when you're pulled over...

I only had one officer Mr. Keg..

Back off Barney, I've got a piece.

Want to race to the station, Sparky?

I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!

On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.

You'll never get those cuffs on me...You [blip]!

Come on write the [blip] ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen?

How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?

I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!

Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?

Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.

Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?

You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

"Bad Cop! No Donut!"

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.

You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?

"Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow"

Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on "COPS" last week on TV?

Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.

I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket

So, uh, you "on the take", or what?

Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!

Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.

So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?

Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.

When you smack the [blip] outta me, make sure you smile for the video camcorder.

Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

Hey, you look like that girl I [blip] a few days ago...

Aren't you one of the Village People?

Hey officer, want to see a trick? Look at your wife!
```````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Like sands through the hour glass, these are the days of Miller Lite. wink


Those were the days my friend. We thought they'd never end. razz


Dem days, dem dang dog days of Summer done came home to stay. cool


That last one is not actually a song or quote or anything. snicker


It's my own sentiment. rolleyes


Either way I had a great day, and I hope that one is coming your way.......today. yes


Have a happy day everyone. rah


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 09/13/17 10:18 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1124863
09/13/17 10:10 PM
09/13/17 10:10 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I wish you a very happy day as well! Not sure what today will bring, but I'll do my best to make it a great one!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1124864
09/13/17 10:17 PM
09/13/17 10:17 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Glad you had a great day, Joe. grin

Hope you find something fun to do today, Ana.

Thanks for the well wishes Ana, Gerry, Gail, Mary and Sorta! hearts I did end up calling out today, but I think it helped. I'm not completely over whatever it is, but I feel better than I did this morning and should be well enough to go back to work tomorrow. yes

Glad you had no major damage, Connie! Sorry you have to go through all that inconvenience. At least it must be nice to have some extra kitties to spend time with. catrub

All right, I'm off to sleep. I have to be up at 5:30 tomorrow, which is better than 3 or 4. lol

Have a great Thursday, everyone. fall


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1124879
09/14/17 04:40 AM
09/14/17 04:40 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
fall Good morning Joe, Ana, venus and everyone. Enjoy your day Joe. Ana wishing you a stress free day. Venus good to hear you are feeling better. Connie glad you are safe and the kitties too. Coffee and tea are ready.
Wishing you all a wonderful day! fall


Gerry
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1124886
09/14/17 07:29 AM
09/14/17 07:29 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Thump Day. More clean up today is on the agenda. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1124892
09/14/17 09:39 AM
09/14/17 09:39 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday puppy

Heading out to take the doggies walking before it gets too hot. Then more book-cooking and laundry, capped off by Bible Study tonight. Back later wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1124897
09/14/17 11:35 AM
09/14/17 11:35 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Wow Joe! I think you have a 'hit' on your hands. Now if you can just write the lyrics for the Dang Dog Days of Summer, we will all be rich!

Overcast again. Gonna be warm and sunny later. It's not September weather. This is more like June/July.

Outdoorsies are branching out. The old guy, Ninja, has taken over the territory of I think the black cat who used to live behind my property. Big empty lot there, well overgrown with 'oats'. High weeds about 4 feet up. He's creeping around there looking for mice I think.

The 'niece', Shadow, isn't coming for food anymore, at least not at the usual times. She's taken over Ninja's nesting spots in my back lot and seems to be catching Doves and other stuff. Lots of feathers. She's really not hungry much. Now my morning routine is to feed those who come to the table, then call for Ninja, and if he doesn't appear, walk 200 feet back to the lot, call him and out of the weeds he appears. Then he is most happy to get a head pet and follow me up to the feeding table, (I look like the Pied Piper leading 3 cats), and he eats the can of wet food. It's always 3 cats up with me. Ninja, Shadow, and then of course, Tippy who follows me DOWN there and back just to be sure I have good company. Very funny stuff. Wild cats, barely able to be petted and only on their terms. At least they know who I am and stick to me. They avoid and run from everyone else. That's a good thing for ferals. Don't want them wandering off following someone down the street.

Off to check the feeding plates and remove them before the ants attack. LOADS of ants who can find one little speck of food from miles away. It's a constant battle.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1124898
09/14/17 11:53 AM
09/14/17 11:53 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Sorta, your cat procession sounds adorable wave

We are back from the park. It was cool when we started but quite hot by the time we finished. Still waiting on the dogs to finish cooling down so I can feed them. lab


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1124918
09/14/17 04:13 PM
09/14/17 04:13 PM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Day Boomers joy2

Wishing everyone a super good day today! puppy

Doc visit went well. She's very pleased as I am. Cells have shrunk considerably and one disappeared completely. Have to continue my weekly routine till December and see. Still have a way to go but it's positive looking. rah Thanks for all the hugs and prayers. angel


Gail
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1124921
09/14/17 04:29 PM
09/14/17 04:29 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
joy That is fantastic news, Gail. So very glad to hear it happydance


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1124924
09/14/17 04:50 PM
09/14/17 04:50 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Gail, I am so so happy to hear that!! I was just thinking of you a couple hours ago! WooHoo!

Ana joy


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1124926
09/14/17 04:55 PM
09/14/17 04:55 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
catrub Excellent Gail! More hugs and prayers coming your way! catrub


Gerry
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1124941
09/14/17 08:02 PM
09/14/17 08:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
happydance Gail ... that is wonderful news! We'll keep the prayers winging your way angel

It's TGIF Eve laugh

Wishing you all a quiet and relaxing evening yes

See you all tomorrow wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1124949
09/14/17 09:04 PM
09/14/17 09:04 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Fantastic news, Gail!! joy Glad to hear it!

Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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