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Happy Hump Day #1125497
09/19/17 09:25 PM
09/19/17 09:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Tommy Smothers

When you don’t know what you’re talking about, it’s hard to know when you’re finished.
````````````

Idiots Everywhere

IDIOTS AT WORK...
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.



ADVICE FOR IDIOTS...
An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."



IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD...
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.



IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE...
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce. "He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.



IDIOTS IN THE NEWS...
Buffalo Channel 4 News on October 20th,1999 informed its captivated audience that when selling their computer, the best way to erase the files on your computers hard drive is by drilling a hole in the drive its self! "By drilling a hole in the drive its self, you make it impossible for the new owner to get your files." No [blip] kidding, idiot!



IDIOT SIGHTINGS...
Sighting #1: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know? "He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."

Sighting #2: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"

Sighting #3: At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often." Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.

Sighting #4: I worked with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.

Sighting #5: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open." Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" "I know," answered the young man.- "I already got that side."

Sighting #6: I work in a hospital and one day the doctor and I were asking a pregnant lady some questions upon admission to the maternity ward. When we asked her who we should call in case of an emergency, she stated "911".

Sighting #7: My daughter was going over to the neighbors house to visit but didn't want to miss a call from her boyfriend so she took the cordless phone with her. While at the neighbors she wanted to check back at home to see if her younger brother was okay. My daughter then picked up the neighbors phone and dialed our number. While waiting for someone to answer the phone at home, the phone she brought over with her began to ring. She immediately hung up the neighbors phone and answered our phone. There was no one there. She wanted to know who it was who called so she used our phone to call our house. The line was busy. Getting very frustrated she left the neighbors to go home and see who was on the phone. No one was on the phone. My daughter could not figure out what was going on until someone explained it to her.

Sighting #8: As systems manager of an answering service a few years back I had the pleasure of working with an especially ignorant doctor. Our system was trying to fax her messages to her place of business when a message came back informing us her fax was out of paper. When I called her office and told her about this she replied, "Oh, I'm all out of bond paper. Could you fax me some?" I'm right [blip]' on it, Babe.

Sighting #9: I was in McDonalds one time when the lady in front of me ordered a cheeseburger and requested no cheese. Now I don't know about you but that sounds like a [blip] hamburger to me.

Sighting #10: Many years ago I worked in a delicatessen. The assistant manager had burnt something in the oven and smoke was pouring from the kitchen area. When the store manager came by and asked why she hadn't opened the emergency fire exit door to allow the smoke to go outside she said, "I thought about it but I couldn't find the key!"

Sighting #11: I was sitting at my University bar with some friends the other day when we overheard a man talking on his mobile phone. He was saying that he wanted to "buy, buy, buy" some shares and "sell, sell, sell" some shares. Unfortunately for him, his mobile phone actually began to ring!!! The laughter in the bar was heard for miles!! Now that's what I call an IDIOT!

Sighting #12: A friend of mine and I were on a little road trip with his wife driving. Everything was pretty quiet when she turned to us and asked, "If you are driving 70mph, about how far would you go in an hour?" Oh yeah, she's a smart one.

Sighting #13: Calling the telecommunication company to inform them my phone didn't work and that when I picked up the receiver its completely dead, the technician said from the other end "Are you calling from the number of the phone that does not work?"
```````````

The all time top euphemisms for impotence...

15. 180 degrees shy of heaven

14. Performing with Flaccido Domingo

13. A few parts shy of an erector set

12. Sch-wing and a miss

11. Not rising to the level of impeachable offense

10. The Null Monty

9. Disappointing Miss Daisy

8. Taking the gold at the Lake Flaccid Olympics

7. Ascension Deficit Disorder

6. Bouncing the Check of Love

5. Less-than-Magic Johnson

4. All Doled up with nowhere to go

3. Welcome to Flaccid City. Population: You

2. Serving boneless pork

1. Unleavened Man-Bread

``````````

Good morning everyboomie. yay


Hump Day already? Cool! cool


Tuesday wasn't that great for me. I only slept about 3 hours last night. tired


I promise you tonight I'll be sufficiently doped up to sleep. Can't have another night like that. woot


No real plans for Wednesday though.....just in case I do. wink


Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 09/19/17 09:31 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1125500
09/19/17 10:49 PM
09/19/17 10:49 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Sorry you didn't get much sleep last night, Joe. Hope tonight is better. yes

I'm also off to sleep. I have to be up at 5 tomorrow. Not as bad as the past few days, but I'm still getting to sleep later than I'd prefer. Being a natural night person is not easy with these hours. lol

Have a great Wednesday, everyone. fall


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1125502
09/19/17 11:00 PM
09/19/17 11:00 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, hope you get a great nights sleep tonight! It's hard getting through the day when you don't sleep well.

Venus, are you getting excited as you countdown the days?

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1125516
09/20/17 06:11 AM
09/20/17 06:11 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and everyone. Joe I know what it's like when the brain won't turn off to let you sleep. I can fall asleep in front of the TV no problem, but without that distraction - if I'm having trouble sleeping - I lie awake! Ana enjoy your day! Venus hope things will be less busy with one job! Coffee and tea are ready.
Wishing you all a Happy Day! fall


Gerry
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1125520
09/20/17 06:31 AM
09/20/17 06:31 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning. I have to have a tooth pulled this morning. Not looking forward to it. I asked the dentist to put me out. I hope he can do it without any complications. My oxygen level is questionable at times so I'm not sure if he can put me out. We'll see.

Have a great day everyone.

Midgie: hearts wavegirl


Just do it.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1125523
09/20/17 07:34 AM
09/20/17 07:34 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Morning Boomers fall

Joe, wishing you a good sleep tonight.

Ana, enjoy whatever the day rings today.

Venus, happy work day.

Midgie, hugs! Hope you get an easy time at the dentist.

Connie, have a great day when you get here.

Wishing everyone a wonderful day! puppy


Gail
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1125527
09/20/17 08:11 AM
09/20/17 08:11 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Hump Day. Joe, I hope you sleep better tonight. Queen of Hearts at the Eagles tonight. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1125552
09/20/17 10:33 AM
09/20/17 10:33 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

Working hard or hardly working today?

I'm heading out to the vet with Skywalker for his annual checkup and Keoki for a laser treatment, so I won't be home to work whistle

Daughter rolled her ankle at PT on Monday. She is going in for x-rays this morning. The doc yesterday said it was either a very bad sprain or a fracture. Her knee is all swollen up too. They told her to stay off it, but did not put her on quarters. It's her driving foot, so that 45 minute drive to work is not going to be fun.

Hubby and I watched the new Mummy last night. I have to say I prefer the Brenden Fraser version...lots more humor in that one. For me it was one of those movies that after I watched it, I was really glad I hadn't paid theater prices to see. It had a few moments and I don't feel like I wasted my time, but it's not one I'd watch again either.

Joe, so sorry you didn't sleep. Little Soot was twitty last night so I was awakened quite often too. I hope tonight is better.

Venus, I feel your pain. I'm a natural night person too. Early morning get-ups slay me.

Ana, any news on your vehicle?

Gerry, I do the same thing. Fall asleep watching tv or reading. Then, as soon as I turn off the tv or put down the book, I'm wide awake. So annoying. If we could solve that problem and bottle it, we'd get rich!

Oh Midgy, so sorry! Big hugs. Hope it goes well and you recover quickly.

Gail, have a great day.

Connie, have fun tonight. Is all back to normal in your area?

Off to feed dogs. wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1125554
09/20/17 10:48 AM
09/20/17 10:48 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
L4L, there are still some people without power and none of the debris has been picked up yet. The lakes and rivers are still at flood stage. All in all things are starting to get back to order in other areas. The stores are opening and being restocked slowly. I worry about the people that are being hit with Maria so soon after Irma. I still remember the year we got hit with three in a row. wave2


Connie
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1125560
09/20/17 11:40 AM
09/20/17 11:40 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Happy Wednesday.

Hey L4L my friend and I also watched The Mummy last night. Same as you, wouldn't wanted to have seen it in the theater, was scary, but I really did like the old one better. This one was a disappointment at the end. No spoilers, but I guess they are going for Mummy 2. The mercury was an interesting twist.

Cool, overcast, calm today. All Outdoorsies accounted for. Harder to count now that some of them are branching out to the back lot and beyond. They appear eventually but only for a few nibbles. Hunting must be good. The 2 new kittens (5 weeks today) are for now, safely under the deck and come out when Mom, who camps nearby, calls them, or when the 'older' kitten wants to play. It loves to tussle with the little guys and they seem to like the roughhousing.

Still watching the Earthquake coverage from Mexico. I have a local Spanish only station on and although I can't understand most of it, I can read some of the stuff they are putting on screen. Tragic situation. Good way to learn Spanish is watching Spanish TV.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1125572
09/20/17 12:38 PM
09/20/17 12:38 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
wishingyou all a great day

wave2

Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1125584
09/20/17 02:02 PM
09/20/17 02:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Connie, me too. I feel awful for them. I too, remember that awful year. I'm glad to hear the stores are getting restocked.

Sorta, we felt the same way. Setting up for another one.

Niteowl wave

Vet visits went well. Now to get some lunch for me wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1125646
09/20/17 09:25 PM
09/20/17 09:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,658
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,658
Alabama
Hi everyone laugh

Hope your day was good to you

I am ready for some sleep yes

Wishing you all a restful evening and good night's sleep sleep


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1125661
09/20/17 10:32 PM
09/20/17 10:32 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Ana, I'm getting excited, yes. grin

Thanks, Gerry!

Midge, I hope your appointment goes well!!

Hope you had a great day, Gail.

Hope you had fun, Connie. Sorry to hear about the devastation; that's terrible. sad

L4L, I know what you mean about early mornings. yes Sorry about your daughter's ankle! Hope it doesn't take too long to heal!

Glad all the kitties are doing well, Sorta! catrub

Hope you had a great day, niteowl.

Sleep well, soot.

Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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