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#1127802 - 10/10/17 07:29 PM Hump Day
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 31918
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

-Abraham Lincoln-
```````````

There were two retired men. One of the men said "I feel like a newborn baby,". The other man asked why. The man said, " I have no hair, no teeth, and I just peed in my pants.
````````````

While vacationing in a remote area of Alaska, I met an old mountain man, wise in the ways one need be to live in an extreme wilderness area like he did.
I asked him about the weater, did it rain a lot? He said;
"See those mountains over there" and he pointed to them.'
I replied, "Yes."
"Well," he replied, ".. if you can't see those mountains, that means it's raining. If you can see them, that means it's going to rain."
````````````

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
``````````

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started Writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a ****-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus.
````````````

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."
The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said, "I thought it was gas - but I was wrong, too!"
````````````

A group of 40 year old buddies discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.
`````````

An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently ", she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"
````````````

A good looking young man (to an old woman):Do you know any lady who likes the pink color, Madam?
Old woman: Why?
Young man: I would like to marry her.
Woman: I like pink color very much.
``````````

An elderly woman went to her doctor, complaining about not being able to hear out of one ear.
The doctor then took his penlight, looked in her ear, then took his tweezers, reached in, and pulled something out.
After examining the object for a second, he exclaimed, "Well....it seems you inserted a suppository into your ear...".
The old lady thought for a second, then responded "Gee....I guess that explains why I can't find my hearing-aid...!".
``````````

Two elderly ladies were discussing the upcoming dance at the country club. "We're supposed to wear something that matches our husband's hair, so I'm wearing black," said Mrs. Smith. "Oh my," said Mrs. Jones, "I'd better not go."

````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. redchicken


Hump Day already? Even better it's the second Hump Day of the month. hamster


Well we had lots of thunder in the middle of the night. Missy came in and crawled under the covers with me, but we did not get one drop of rain. shocked


The weatherman lied again. mad


This morning though, I had to wear a jacket to the park to stay warm enough. rotfl


It was a cool day man! cool


I think I may drive out to the sod farm tomorrow. They could have gotten some rain out there. yay


Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1127822 - 10/10/17 09:39 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74058
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
We got your rain, Joe! lol They had to cancel our Cub game. I hope you got plenty at the sod farm at least.
Nugget comes to sleep with me after hubby gets up for work. I've missed that, Merlin used to do that.

Have a great day everyone!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1127837 - 10/10/17 11:16 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7208
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
luck at the sod farm tomorrow, Joe.

That's nice that Nugget sleeps with you, Ana. Jupiter does that for me now, taking kitty version Venus's old job. smile

I talked to the person my friend is in contact with today, and she wants to meet with me next week. thumbsup As for now, I'm off to sleep; I have to be up at 5:30.

Have a great Wednesday, everyone. fall
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

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#1127854 - 10/11/17 04:45 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22224
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and all. Joe Good Luck at the sod farm! Ana Nugget knows you need him! Venus that's good news about the meeting next week! Coffee and tea are ready.
Wishing everyone a great Hump Day! fall fall
_________________________
Gerry

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#1127861 - 10/11/17 06:53 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 9917
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Hump Day. Queen of Hearts at the Eagles tonight. Danish, Eggs, Hash Browns, Grits, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall
_________________________
Connie

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#1127862 - 10/11/17 06:54 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18072
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers fall

Joe, enjoy the day. Hope if you go to the sod farm it will be rewarding.

Ana, have a great day!

Venus, hope your next week meeting goes well.

Gerry, coffee please and have a great day.

Nothing on the agenda today. Gaming day for me. hamster

Morning Connie, almost missed you. We've been posting at the same time. Enjoy the day!


Edited by GBC (10/11/17 06:55 AM)
_________________________
Gail

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#1127886 - 10/11/17 10:13 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47182
Loc: Alabama

Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

Fooooooooogggggyyyyyyy....wow, woke up to my house in the clouds. Boys left last night, so I have an almost quiet house this morning.

After I get a cuppa, I'm going to take Keoki up to the park for a bit. Then Seagy has a vet check up late morning. Trying to decide if "dinner" is something I'd like to make tonight and if so, what?

Joe, we are going to hit 89 today. Send cool this way please. I'll pay for the postage.

Ana, glad Nugget decided to cuddle.

Venus luck

Gerry, wave

Connie, have fun.

Gail, enjoy your gaming day!

wavegirl
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1127937 - 10/11/17 03:52 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: looney4labs]
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 15302
Loc: Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#1127947 - 10/11/17 04:41 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/08/06
Posts: 12034
Loc: Scotland
Hi Boomers, hope you are all well and having a great day!

Hi Space, great to see you!

Been busy here today, got new carpets fitted in lounge and staircase and went shopping for curtains and cushion covers to match...no easy task! Carpet is grey with a shadow pile and so comfy to walk on!

It's bed and Kindle time now, sleep may or may not come! lol

Take care guys, love to all!

Mary hearts wavegirl
_________________________
"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin

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#1127961 - 10/11/17 08:43 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Online   content
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 26598
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Hey Ms Mary...I sure hope sleep comes better for you tonight!!

I'm glad you stayed dry Joe...send that cool weather down here...we set a high temp record today (in the 90s)...good hunting at the SOD farm

Yes Ana...WOM likes her little wiggle heaters too thumbsup

Good luck Venus!

I'll have a cuppa and Danish in the NC Gerry and Connie thanks

A gaming day is good for you Gail

Hey there SQF...good to see you

L4L hearts

Hey everyone...busy week which is good as it keeps me off the streets and out of WOM's hair lol

Hope you all have a wonderful evening

wave2
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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