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#1128056 - 10/12/17 08:27 PM TGIF
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32367
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

George Carlin


At 8 years put milk in your glass

At 18 years put beer in your glass

At 80 years old.... you put your teeth in your glass


Having had to take the day off work to appear in court for a minor traffic summons, the man was growing increasingly restless as he waited hour after hour for his case to be heard.

Finally, late in the afternoon, his case was called. He stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned until the next day and he would have to return.

"What!" What for?" he yelled at the judge.

His Honor, equally irritated by a tedious day and the sharp query, roared, "That will be twenty dollars for contempt of court! That's what for!"

Noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge added, "That's all right. You don't have to pay right now."

The man replied, "Oh, I'm just looking to see if I have enough for two more words!"


A drunk walks into a bar, sits down and demands a drink.

"Get out" says the bartender. "I don't serve drunks here".

The drunk staggers out the front door, only to come back in through the side door. He sits at the bar, bangs his fist and demands a drink.

"I just told you to get out, didn't I? Now LEAVE!".

The drunk gets off his stool, stumbles out the side door and, comes back inside through the back door. Once again, he sits at the bar and loudly asks for a drink.

The bartender, now glowing mad, looks at the drunk and yells "I TOLD YOU, NO DRUNKS ALLOWED, NOW GET OUT!!!".

The drunk looks up at the bartender and slurs "How many bars do you work at, anyway?".


After looking for love in all the wrong places, a man returns from the Middle
East and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately
rushed to the Hospital to undergo tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room
at the hospital. No one is around, but the phone by his
bed rings.
"This is your doctor. We've had the results back from your tests and we've
found you have an extremely contagious and nasty STD called 'G.A.S.H.' It's a
combination of Gonorrhea, AIDS, Syphilis, and Herpes!"
"Oh, my gosh," cried the man, "What are you going to do, doctor?"
"Well, we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas,
pancakes, and pita bread."
"Will that cure me???" asked the man.
The doctor replied, "Well no, but....they're the only foods we can get under
the door."


A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor.

The patient replied in an irritated fashion, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"

The doctor inquired, "And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?"

"Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb."

The doctor asks, "If he's your friend, don't you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?"

"What? And work in the dark?"


Young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."

"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."


A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York
and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing
over a beautiful bed of red roses.

"Tsk Tsk!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That
poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can
help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked,
"What are you doing, my friend?"

"Fishin', sir."

"Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with

The old man stood, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger
to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of vodka and a fine

His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man,
and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today?"

The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke
ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"


There was this Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived
in London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed
to communicate with her husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day,
she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know
how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt
to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home
with chicken legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know
how say it, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her
breast. The lady got what she wanted.

The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way
to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
(Please scroll the page down)

What were you thinking?

Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!!!!!


Good morning everyboomie. wave2

It's FRIDAY!! penguin

I hope you're all geared up and ready for the weekend. woot

Ana I hope you are unblocked now from getting to Gameboomers on your computer. yes

I'm ready for whatever the day brings.......much like today. wink

The weather is getting really nice now, but we're still supposed to hit 90 degrees for the next two days. slapforehead

Have a happy day everyone. rah

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#1128069 - 10/12/17 11:39 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 76177
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe and all! I have been unblocked! yay Who'd have thought you could do that! lol

I'm sooo ready for the weekend! Have a great day all!

Ana wave
Don't feed the Trolls

#1128082 - 10/13/17 05:04 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 23185
Loc: Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Joe are weather is the opposite. Right now the temperature is only forty degrees and the high for today will get up to about 65 degrees! Ana glad to hear you are "unlocked"! Coffee and tea are ready.
Wishing everyone a great Friday! fall

#1128083 - 10/13/17 05:29 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers fall

Joe, send some of that weather over here. I have the heat on this morning.

Ana, glad your unlocked. Have a great day!

Gerry, I'm in need of coffee. Thanks.

Wishing everyone a super good day today! penguin

#1128087 - 10/13/17 06:45 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 8114
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hope it cools down for you soon, Joe.

Congratulations on being unblocked, Ana! joy

Sounds like nice weather, Gerry.

Have a fantastic day, Gail.

I'm off to work. I have six stores to go to today, plus I have to get my muffler looked at, as my car suddenly got very loud the day before yesterday. Here's hoping it won't cost too much. yes

Have a terrific Friday, everyone. fall
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

#1128090 - 10/13/17 07:21 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10474
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great TGIF. Ana, I'm glad you got unblocked. I'll take some cool weather, and will be happy to send some of our warm weather. I'm going to see the play Little Shop of Horrors at Spotlight Theater tonight. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall

#1128122 - 10/13/17 11:33 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9653
Loc: San Diego, CA
Finally some good news from me. I've been agonizing over getting my 17 year old Misubishi Eclipse Smog Tested. California has really strict standards. So after taking a little trip to a nearby town for lunch, and then coming home and sitting around for an hour or so, I decided to take the chance and go to the little smog test place a few blocks away. It's run by an little old man and his wife. I've gone there for years and they are nice people. It's a 'test only' station so you don't have to worry if they are saying NO pass when it's not true just to get some repair business.

So I drive in. It's almost closing time. Darn. Another lady is sitting in the 'hot seat' at the desk and is being told her new looking nice SUV didn't pass etc. They told her to go drive it for an hour on the freeway and then return while it's still hot. She has 30 days to do it, no retest fee though. That was nice.

So now it's my turn. The wife had been busy locking all non-essential doors to the place and I determined that 3:00 (which had passed with the other lady) was closing. BUT the lady filled out the clipboard stuff and handed it to the hubby and he got my car into the bay and I could hear thunking of the hood and engine sounds. 10 minutes total time and he came back to the office, threw the clipboard on the desk (not a good sign as he usually makes eye contact, then smiles and gives me a thumbs up sign). Wife comes back in, looks at the clipboard and mumbles something. I had to ask twice, but what she said was, "You did good". Hooray!!!!! I actually PASSED!

Totally thankful today for everything in my life. It will be a non-complaint day for me. Wheeeeee! joy
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

#1128132 - 10/13/17 01:05 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47757
Loc: Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

It's still Augtober here in AL. They are talking the 4 day in a row of record breaking heat. But the good news was that it was a wee bit cooler early early in the day.

I got my Keoki man out for a gentle walk at the park. Finally everyone is fed. We are struggling with getting Kman to eat his food...not interested at all, though treats still catch his nose and his appetite.

Boys will be here in a couple of hours. I can't believe they are out of school all week next week... fall break rolleyes

In the meantime I need to run across the street. Sweet folks over there but someone gave them a puppy for their 3 year old. Puppy is not old enough to be away from mom yet.....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! My neighbor has not had a puppy to raise before, so I'm going over to start socializing puppy and talk to her a bit about crate training, house breaking, feeding, etc. She has 2 little ones already, so in effect, she now has 3 babies. I'll also take over some vet numbers as they didn't even think to take the puppy to a vet.....double arrrrrrrrrgh!

Joe, love the quote.

Ana, welcome back wave

Gerry, I'm jealous.

Gail, have a great one.

Venus, good luck on the car.

Connie, I've never seen that play or the movie. You'll have to let us know what you think. Enjoy.

Woohoooo, Sorta. Congrats!
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

#1128153 - 10/13/17 06:19 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 28500
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
TGIF Joe Ana Gerry Gail Venus Connie and Sorta laugh

I agree with L4L Joe ... Super Quote for this Friday the 13th

I am ready for the weekend too Ana ... hope yours is grand

Oh Gerry, send that cool weather my way! And I'll have a cuppa tea to go please...

I hope cost is not too much Venus...depending on the cost you have the option to buy some muffler tape to wrap around the hole/tear in the pipe or muffler ... and then save up to get er replaced eventually

Have a fun time at the play safe! And I'll have a Danish to go please...

Woo Hoo Hoo Sorta ... congratulations, it's always nice to pass a smog test

Hello there L4L hearts hope you have a quiet evening

woot Weekend's eve is here .. oh my oh my, isn't it just grand --> yes

Have a quiet evening everyone wave2
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

#1128176 - 10/14/17 01:37 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 8114
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Thanks L4L and soot. I actually was able to get it repaired at a much lower cost than expected, even if it wasn't quite as low as I would have preferred. lol Still not bad at all though.

Good night, everyone. sleep
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?


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