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Hump Day #1128614
10/17/17 08:56 PM
10/17/17 08:56 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
'Tis now the very witching time of night,
When churchyards yawn, and hell itself breathes out
Contagion to this world.

~William Shakespeare, Hamlet [III, 2, Hamlet]
```````````

The little farm boy storms out of the house, mad about being ordered to do his chores. In the barnyard, he kicks the rooster.
Near the barn, he kicked a hog. In the corral, he kicked the family's milk cow. His mother saw all this and stormed out after him.

"I saw you kick that rooster; just for that, you'll get no eggs. And I saw you kick that hog; just for that, you'll get no bacon.
And I saw you kick the cow; just for that, you'll get no milk!"

His father heard the yelling, came out of the barn, tripping over the cat and nearly falling, after which, he booted the poor animal out of his way.
The cat ran screeching into the barn.

The little boy looked up at his mother and said, "You want to tell him or shall I?"

`````````

Lil' Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses' legs, rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Pop, why are you doing that?"

"Because I'm thinking of buying these horses."

Johnny looked worried, "Then I think we'd better hurry home right away!"

"Why?" his father asked.

"Because the UPS man stopped by yesterday, and I think he wants to buy Mom!"

````````

Grandpa and granddaugher were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"

"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?"

"Yes, He did," the older man answered. For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind.

At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job lately."

```````

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."

The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"

The little girl replied, "My homework."

`````````

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

"I PRAY FOR A BICYCLE...I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO...I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"

`````````

A mafia's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.

He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."

`````````

On the last day of kindergarten, the children brought presents for their teacher.

The florist's son gave her a box. She shook it, held it up, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Is it flowers?"
"That's right!" said the boy.

Then the candy store owner's son gave her his package. She shook it, held it up, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Is it a box of candy?"

"That's right!" said the boy.

Next the liquor store owner's son handed her his box. She shook it, held it up, and noticed that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "I bet I know what it is. Is it wine?"

"No," said the boy.

She touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it Champagne?"

"No," said the boy.

"I give up. What is it?"

The boy grinned. "A puppy!"

```````````

One of the teachers had a kindergartener come up to her and say that he had found a frog. The teacher asked if the frog was alive or dead.

The student said it was dead.

The teacher asked how he knew.

The boy said, "I pissed in its ear."

The teacher said, "You what?"

He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said, 'PSST!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead."

`````````````

Good morning everyboomie. yay


Hump Day already? razz


Time flies when you're past your prime, retired, & in your twilight years.


The highlight of my day was this morning just before I got out of bed. sleep


It was all down hill from there. cool


At Walmart this morning I saw a little kid kicking and screaming and throwing a hissy fit, and thought 'Funny, that's exactly how I feel when I have to come to Walmart.' tantrum


Either that, or he didn't want to get out of bed either. snicker


Things are all good now though. It's almost time for bed. penguin


Have a happy day everyone.

joe




There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1128623
10/17/17 09:34 PM
10/17/17 09:34 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I was in Walmart today too! What a strange bunch of folks in there all the time! No matter which one.

Sadly, I just found out my ex father in law and substitute dad from the day I was born just passed away. He is my son peters grandfather and my son is in California on vacation. 😞 I am heartbroken. He is one of those special people that have never said a cross word to anyone.

I scared an alligator hiking today. It scared me more though. 😂 then I came across a bobcat. Certainly different from home!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Hump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1128626
10/17/17 09:57 PM
10/17/17 09:57 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Ana I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

I hope your travels return you safely back home. hearts

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1128630
10/17/17 10:59 PM
10/17/17 10:59 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Thank you joe! I will sadly miss the wake I’m sure. I am not heading home till Saturday. I did see him recently so I feel good about that. He was 94. He lived a long life.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1128641
10/18/17 04:02 AM
10/18/17 04:02 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Ana and all. Ana so sorry to hear of your loss. Sending hugs and love to comfort you. Coffee and tea are ready. I'll be back Saturday so see you all then. Going to visit family in Maine for a couple days.
Wishing you all a peaceful day! fall


Gerry
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1128646
10/18/17 06:51 AM
10/18/17 06:51 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers fall

Joe, hope your day is full of happiness.

Ana, sorry about your loss. hearts Careful of the wild creatures.

Gerry, have a great day. Enjoy Maine.

Nothing much to do today. Gaming is on the agenda though. Wishing everyone a wonderful day! dragon


Gail
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1128648
10/18/17 07:21 AM
10/18/17 07:21 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Hump Day. Ana, I'm sorry for your loss Hugs. hearts fall We have bears to go with the gators and bob cats. Queen of Hearts at the Eagles tonight. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC.


Connie
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1128673
10/18/17 11:17 AM
10/18/17 11:17 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Happy Hump Day ya'll puppy

It's going to be another beautiful day in AL. I think I'm going to get me and Keoki and the boys out for a walk. Soot took the big boys before work.

Joe, I don't even want to think about what would have happened to me if I'd have thrown a hissy fit in a store. I bet I would still be unable to sit down though.

Ana, I'm so sorry for your loss. You be careful of those gators. They can run much faster than folks think they can, which is a good thing as long as they are running away and not toward.

Gerry, enjoy your travels! Be safe. I hope you get to see some pretty leaf-changing scenery.

Gail, "nothing much to do" is my favorite kind of day. Enjoy your gaming.

Connie, does it get cold enough where you are for the bears to go off and hibernate?

wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1128713
10/18/17 06:32 PM
10/18/17 06:32 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Gee Ana! Alligator and a bobcat! Glad you are OK. Sorry about the ex father-in-law.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1128718
10/18/17 08:06 PM
10/18/17 08:06 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Whoa... what a day Ana

Hey everyone.. the day is done

Time to feed dogs and then bed

sleep


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1128746
10/18/17 10:14 PM
10/18/17 10:14 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Thank you all for your kind thoughts. Much appreciated. hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
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