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#1128735 - 10/18/17 09:14 PM Happy Thump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 31922
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
When witches go riding,
and black cats are seen,
the moon laughs and whispers,
‘tis near Halloween.

~Author unknown
````````````````

Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye.

His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"

"But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!"

"Johnny," the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women."

Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.

Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"

"But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!"

`````````````

HERE ARE SOME CHILDREN BOOKS THAT WILL NEVER BE PUBLISHED:
----------------------------------------------------------

"You Were an Accident"


"Strangers Have the Best Candy"


"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"


"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It"


"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"


"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"


"Why can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Socket be friends?"


"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"


"Dad's New Wife Timothy"


"Pop! Goes The Hamster....And Other Great Microwave Games"


"The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"


"The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"


"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"


"The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead"


"How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School"


"Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear"

```````````

A 2nd grader asked her mother the age-old question, "How did I get here?".

Her mother told her, "God sent you."

"Did God send you, too?" asked the child.

"Yes, Dear," the mother replied.

"What about Grandma and Grandpa?", the child persisted.

"He sent them also," the mother said.

"Did he send their parents, too?", asked the child.

"Yes, Dear, He did," said the mother patiently.

"So you're telling me that there has been no sex in this family for 200 years! No wonder everyone's so grouchy around here."

````````````````

Kid's Books That Should Never Be Written:

'You Were an Accident'

'Strangers Have the Best Candy'

'The Little Sissy Who Snitched'

'Some Kittens Can Fly!'

'The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion'

'Getting More Chocolate on Your Face'

'Where Would You Like to Be Buried?'

'Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her'

'The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North
Amer Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!'

'All Dogs Go to Hell'

'The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking'

'When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It'

'Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia'

'What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?'

'Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?'

'Bi-Curious George'

'Daddy Drinks Because You Cry'

'Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver'

'You Are Different and That's Bad'

'Why God Burned Down Disney Land'

`````````````

Little Josh comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.

"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

His father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

"Osama bin Laden," David says.

"Why Osama bin Laden," his father asks in shock.

"Well," Josh says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride. "Josh, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," Josh says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow him to hell."

``````````

Thumping good morning everyboomie. yay


Ready for another big day? happydance


This happens to be 3 days in one ya know. yes


It's the day before, and the day after, and the day in between Friday and Wednesday. joy


Every day is like that as a matter of fact. Three days in one I mean.....think......which means that everyone is three times older than what your age says.......... think.....or what you say your age is. snicker


I'm doing pretty good I think, for someone who's 198 years old. wink


Have a happy day everyone.


joe


Edited by looney4labs (10/19/17 11:47 AM)
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There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1128737 - 10/18/17 09:34 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74077
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Have s happy day joe and all!

Last night I learned that beaches closed at sunset and gates locked mean exactly that! I am always getting myself into trouble! 😁

Today is a dolphin boat tour. Can’t wait!

Have s great day!

Ana wave
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Don't feed the Trolls

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#1128755 - 10/19/17 06:36 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18075
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers fall

Joe, it feels I'm three days older everyday. Have a good day!

Ana, have a fun day.

Wishing everyone here and on their way a super good day today! lab
_________________________
Gail

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#1128760 - 10/19/17 08:15 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 9920
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Thump Day. L4L, I don't think bears hibernate here. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall
_________________________
Connie

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#1128779 - 10/19/17 11:45 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9337
Loc: San Diego, CA
Oh Oh Ana! Did you get caught trespassing on the property?? Hope it was some hunky, gorgeous guy in uniform that set you straight. joy

Off to the thrift store to donate 9 huge bags of stuff. I am on a clean-out campaign. Lots of lovely 300 piece puzzles in perfect condition all resealed and a load of clothes and other neat stuff. I don't feel like a yard sale, so I'm donating and taking the income tax deduction. Just have to get it all down to the store and unloaded (sometimes hard to find a worker to help). Then off to the bank to get some CASH. Got a neighbor's friend coming over Sunday with 2 boys who are going to 'apply' for the job of doing my huge lot which needs some loving care. I told my friend I'd pay 10 bucks an hour to each worker IF they are actually working hard and not just standing around. The Dad will be here to make a deal and I'll give the kids (15 and 17) a try to see if they might work out for me. Then if so, recommend them to my 87 year old neighbor who is also having the same problems. After we 'fired' our shared yard kid, it's been so hard to keep things going. Miss him but don't miss the thefts. He sure ruined a good deal for everyone. blech
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WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#1128784 - 10/19/17 11:53 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47187
Loc: Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday ya'll puppy

It's cool in AL happydance with a promise of a big cool down next week. I may have to order firewood.

I finally made it to the den...spent my first couple of hours in the kitchen as I usually do. Have chili in the crock pot, kitchen cleaned, cucumber lime water made, and heading up now to feed the monkeys.

Joe, lol

Ana, that's too funny. How did you get out?

Gail, how ya doing?

Hashbrowns are much appreciated, Connie.

Sorta, have fun cleaning out. I hope the teens work out. My middle son used to do yard work. He was more than happy to do any outdoor work. luck

Off to feed lab
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1128834 - 10/19/17 11:25 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74077
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Night all!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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