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#1128945 - 10/20/17 08:36 PM Saturdiner
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 31921
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

~Author unknown
````````````

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the professor while putting a worm into the water.

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It curled up and writhed about
painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the professor asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded
confidently, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

```````````

A five year old boy was living with his mother, as his parents had divorced. One Sunday, she decided to take him to the zoo for the first time in his life. As they passed the various assortment of animals, she would tell the little boy what they were called and make him repeat it. After the lions, gorillas, giraffes and bears, they came upon the elephant exhibit.

"That's an elephant", the mother said.

After the child repeated after her, he asked, "Mommy? What's that thing hanging down from the elephant?"

The mother replied, "That's his trunk, sweetheart."

"No, no", said the child, "Behind that!"

"Oh, that's his tail", she said.

"No, no!" the boy exclaimed. "That thing in the middle!"

The woman was flustered and replied, "Uhhhh, that's nothing, honey!" And they moved on.....

The next weekend, the boy's father came to pick him up and the child cried, "Daddy, let's go to the zoo! I learned all about the animals, and I want to show you what I learned!"

The father agreed, so off to the zoo they went. As they passed each cage, the child would shout out the name of the animal, and the father would praise him for being so smart. Finally, they arrived at the elephant cage, and the boy shouted, "Elephant!"

"Very GOOD", beamed the father. "I'm proud of you for remembering all these animals!"

The boy asked, "Daddy? What's that thing hanging down on the elephant?"

The father replied, "That's his trunk."

"No!", the boy moaned, "Behind that!"

"That's his tail", the father replied.

"No, no! That thing in the middle!"

The father stammered, "Er...what did your mother say it was?"

"She said it was nothing!"

"Well", the man said, puffing out his chest. "Your mother was spoiled!"

`````````````

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

`````````````

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. A nun made a note and posted it on the apple tray: "Take only ONE……God is watching."

Further along the line, at the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note: "Take all you want……God is watching the apples."

```````````

A father picks up his son after school and asks him how his day has been.
"Great dad, today they give me my part at the school play", says the boy.
"Really? and what do you play?" asks the father.
"I play a man who has been married for twenty years".
"That's nice son", says the father, "you do a good job with that, and one day the'll give you a speaking role".

```````````

A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar,
announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical
Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds."

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many
exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy
pains.

Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say,
you're the father of the Jamaican baby who weighed 20 pounds at
birth. How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds."

The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20
pounds at birth?"

The Jamaican father took a slow sip from his Red Stripe beer,
wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and
said, "Had him circumcised."

`````````````

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now class, if I stood on my head, the blood as you know, would run into it and I should turn red in the face."

"Yes, sir," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in an ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A class member shouted, "'Cause your feet ain't empty."

```````````

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"

The first kid says, "A circumcision."

And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"

```````````````

Good morning everyboomie. yay


Welcome to the weekend! hamster


The ball game last night was awesome! What a game. The underdogs, the Raiders, won after the game was over. They had two extra plays after the game clock expired, because of defensive penalties, and they scored a touchdown on the last play that tied the game, and then won it with the extra point. Great game! woot


We're going to hit about 84 degrees today. It'll be a real nice day to take Missy to the park. lab


After that I don't have any other plans. duh


I wish I had some place to go head hunting but I don't. smirk


Have a happy day everyone. yes


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1128955 - 10/21/17 12:48 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74068
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, hope you can find a place to head hunt soon!

Long day of driving today. I don’t want to go home but I do miss my dogs.

Have a happy day!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1128961 - 10/21/17 05:39 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22232
Loc: Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Coffee and tea are ready. We had a wonderful time in Maine. Perfect weather, lots of walking on the beach, shopping and visiting!
Have a Happy Day all! fall
_________________________
Gerry

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#1128963 - 10/21/17 06:53 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18075
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers fall

Joe, Glad your weather is good. Hope you can go head hunting soon,

Ana, traveling mercies out to you.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee. Welcome home.

Wishing everyone a super day! puppy
_________________________
Gail

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#1128967 - 10/21/17 07:47 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 9920
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Super Saturday. I'm going to a Halloween show and zombie party with 2 of my boys tonight. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall
_________________________
Connie

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#1128976 - 10/21/17 10:59 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7208
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hope you find a place to go head hunting soon, Joe.

Hope the drive goes well, Ana. I'm sure your dogs will be happy to see you. puppy

Gerry, sounds like a great time. thumbsup

Have a terrific Saturday, Gail.

Sounds like a lot of fun, Connie! zombie

It's been a crazy week for me. Work was insane, and on Thursday and Friday I had meetings with the person my friend talked to. They are filming a movie and want me to be in it! Right now, they're trying to get funding and get it out there, so there are no guarantees, but I am going to have a major role. woot

My voice lesson was cancelled today, so I just get to relax which is fine, as I need it. I think maybe I'll play The Testament of Sherlock Holmes, as it makes a nice October game. smile I would start on The Lost Crown, but I am waiting for sure to know when Blackenrock comes out before I do that. grin

Hope everyone has a terrific Saturday. fall
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

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#1128992 - 10/21/17 12:39 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47187
Loc: Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll puppy

Son is heading out to work in a bit. Daughter is doing a Where's Waldo 5k. She and Leo are all dressed up like Waldo...too cute. Other son is doing a fund raising walk from work. Hubby is out doing errands. I'll be heading out to walk in a minute. Trying to decide if it's too hot to take Keoki. I think it is as I can't go before hubby gets back to watch boys and I'm not sure when that will be. I spent the first couple of hours in the kitchen. Feels good to sit and sip and surf for a second wavegirl
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1128995 - 10/21/17 12:54 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9337
Loc: San Diego, CA
ANOTHER party at the former squatter's house. Seems like one a month. Smaller than when they first moved in, but they have the jumper up and canopies and I assume since it's a 'pirate' theme that it's a kids party which will start later today.

AND the police were at the 'compound' 3 doors down, again. Always something with them. Extended family lives in 2 houses on the property and there is always trouble with all the relatives and in-laws and kids and and and. It's the place where the son killed himself a few years ago after a fight with his mom. Turmoil. It needs a good 'cleansing'. They are the crew who shot 'our' Peacock last winter. Darn them. Such a pretty bird and how cruel of them. Still can't fathom that one when they could have caught her while she was on her nest and had animal control relocate her.

AND although the last 2 days have been very cool (nice) they are once again predicting a Santa Ana hot wind condition with massive fire danger. I'm finally wearing sweatshirts instead of T-shirts but I might have to change later today if the weather guys are right about it going up to 80- 90!
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#1128999 - 10/21/17 01:32 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47187
Loc: Alabama
Goodness, Sorta, always a "party" at your place wavegirl
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1129003 - 10/21/17 02:09 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: looney4labs]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 26601
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Happy Day to you to Joe!

Hey Ho Ana Gerry Connie Gail SortaB L4L Venus and any stragglers that drop in later today laugh

Morning chores are complete ... going to take the grand sons to Books-a-Million this afternoon to play Pathfinder this afternoon ... should be a lot of fun

I'll have a tea and danish to go Gerry and Connie

Have a SuperSaturday eveyrone

Drive safe Ana

wave2
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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#1129006 - 10/21/17 02:50 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9337
Loc: San Diego, CA
No party guests yet, but the cops left after 1/2 hour. Guess it was just a 'keep the peace' call.

Getting warmer now, guess the weather guys were right.

Doing wash, making tea, changing sheets, spraying dangerous spiders on my front porch. What fun.

My good friend around the corner (part of my Ladies Detective Agency), who finally filed for divorce and they finally got the soon to be ex hubby served, keeps getting emails and texts from him despite a 'no contact' order. She happily does not respond. The latest one was a message blaming HER for not signing him up for our local Gas and Electric's reduced rate plan after she moved next door and cancelled all the 'joint' accounts. Duh? Why is she responsible for taking care of HIS business? We both had a good laugh despite the seriousness of it all. Stupid husband moved in his 'girlfriend' and now the utility bills are huge. I can't believe that they pay between 2 and 3 hundred a month! My bills on the same size house (albeit they have 4 bodies to my 1) are less than 75 total. What the heck could they be doing? Maybe a Marijuana grow? Ha!
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#1129029 - 10/21/17 11:04 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74068
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Nighty night....
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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