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Monday's #1129135
10/22/17 08:27 PM
10/22/17 08:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Nothing beats a haunted moonlit night on All Hallows Eve.... And on this fatal night, at this witching time, the starless sky laments black and unmoving. The somber hues of an ominous, dark forest are suddenly illuminated under the emerging face of the full moon.

~Kim Elizabeth
``````````````

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke (that's the only place they could smoke at the nursing home) when it started to rain.
One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 2: "What's that?"
Lady 1: "A condom."
Lady 2: "Where'd you get it?"
Lady 1: "You can get them at any drugstore."
The next day, Lady 2 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a package of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, in her 80s), but politely asks what brand she prefers. "Doesn't matter," she replies, "as long as it fits a Camel."

`````````

Some Marriage Insights

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
-- Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-- Milton Berle

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- George Burns

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
About 30 pounds.
-- Cindy Garner

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was
water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said,
"In the lake."
-- Henny Youngman

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
-- Phyllis Diller

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-- Henny Youngman

People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured
at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success.
Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman.
Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
-- Erma Bombeck

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I
was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes,
dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than
to let him keep her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to
interrupt her.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got
two girlfriends.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to
report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they
are beautiful.

`````````````

There was a young virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it.

Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that."

She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that.

Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family."

With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it. The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the old lady said.

She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."

`````````````

It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife
are spending the day at the zoo. She's wearing a cute,
loose-fitting, pink spring
dress, sleeveless with straps. He's wearing his normal
jeans and a T-shirt.

The zoo is not very busy this morning.As they walk through
the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy
gorilla. Noticing the woman, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps
up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he
grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is
obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny.
He suggests that his wife teases the poor fellow some more.
The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom
at him, and play along.

She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making
noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps
fall to show a little more skin.

She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down.

"Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan
it at him." he says. This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy
and now he's doing flips.

Then the husband nabs his wife by the hair, rips open the
door to the cage, slings her into the cage with the gorilla
and slams the cage door shut. "Now, tell HIM you have a
headache . . . "

`````````````

Good morning everyboomie. yay


Welcome to the new week! hamster


I had a great Sunday, although I was up till 2:00am Sat. night weathering out the storms. yes


I didn't get a lot of sleep, but I really didn't feel it much Sunday. razz


It was a cool day, and I took Missy and Beau to the park as soon as the sun came out. lab


Then I watched football for the rest of the day. yay


Well actually the Sunday night game is about to begin so....... wink


Have a happy day everybody. thumbsup


Welcome back Ana! bravo


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1129151
10/22/17 10:09 PM
10/22/17 10:09 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,273
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,273
In the Naughty Corner
Thanks, Joe! I wish I was back in paradise but coming back to my puppies and getting a big James hug was the best thing I could back to! hearts

Unfortunately, I am battling a migraine from the climate change but this too shall pass.

Venus, good luck on your part! You can do it!

Have a great day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1129171
10/23/17 05:01 AM
10/23/17 05:01 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Ana and all. Coffee and tea are ready.
Wishing you all a great Monday! fall


Gerry
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1129177
10/23/17 07:32 AM
10/23/17 07:32 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Monday. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1129180
10/23/17 07:42 AM
10/23/17 07:42 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers fall

Joe, enjoy whatever the day brings around today.

Ana, welcome home. Have a good day and hope your head will feel better soon.

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Connie, wishing you a great day!

Got a lot of yard work putting things away till next Spring. Not looking forward to winter. Wishiung a great day to All! hamster


Gail
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1129227
10/23/17 10:30 AM
10/23/17 10:30 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Only supposed to be in the 70's today, so I'll get the 4-legged ones out in 2 groups. I'll take 3 in the area (hills), and then take Keoki up to the park where it's flat and let him wander walk. The rest of the day will be book-cooking. Boys were here for 10 days straight, so the books really need stewing!

Joe, how is Miss Pepper? It's too bad she can't go to the park too.

Ana, welcome home. Sorry your head is misbehaving.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Connie, I'm heading for the hash browns. Thanks

Gail, are you getting ready for snow?

wavegirl

Last edited by looney4labs; 10/23/17 10:31 AM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1129236
10/23/17 11:31 AM
10/23/17 11:31 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Supposed to be 93 at the beaches today, and I'm about 1 1/2 miles from the bay. Can't imagine it getting that hot, but it happened in 2008. I'm waiting. House is cool inside (old 1944 stucco construction) and it holds the cool very nicely unless the heat lasts more than a few days.

Schools are letting out on 1/2 day schedules or cancelling for today because most of them have no air conditioning in all room. They are working on that. Weather was always so nice it wasn't needed, but climate change is making air necessary. Our tax dollars at work.

I might have 2 kids and a dad over this weekend to do yard work. I met the dad, he seems nice, and said they could probably do the job this weekend. Hope so. I'll give them a try. Gotta find someone I can count on to do the nasty weeding and keeping my empty lot cleared so the fire department doesn't complain. Can't afford to pay some 'big' company or a gardener, who wants to manicure lawns and trim bushes. I don't have lawns, I have dirt and weeds. I like it that way. Not much care and saves a ton of water costs. Wish me luck.

HA. I just went outside and smelled some very sweet laundry odors in the wind. I thought to myself that someone must be using some nice detergent. The winds around here carry the laundry smells all over and we have a laundromat 1 block away. So I come back inside, walk into the kitchen and suddenly remember, I am doing MY laundry. Ha. Silly me. Washing Outdoorsie cat beds getting ready for cold weather. They won't sleep in 'dirty' beds. I have to keep them freshly washed. The things we do for our furry friends!


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1129244
10/23/17 12:17 PM
10/23/17 12:17 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Back from the park. Time to clean up, eat, and "cook."

Sorta, that is pretty funny about the laundry! Hope you stay cool.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1129248
10/23/17 12:51 PM
10/23/17 12:51 PM
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer
MsMercury  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
Hiya Boomers, hoping you are well and having a nice day!

Joe, hope the game went the way you hoped.

Welcome home Ana, hope the migraine goes soonest! hearts

Gerry, Connie...have a great day!

Gail, I'm so not ready for winter. Where has this year gone?

Sorta, hope the boys work out for you. Hubby and I can't cope with the garden now. Last year we had a couple of rogue 'gardeners' who would have ripped us off if we hadn't been wise to them. This year we've been very lucky to find a guy who does all the necessary inc. grass & hedge cutting and gets rid of the weeds. He comes round every two weeks (weather permitting) and charges £20 (around $25)...worth it to us because he even takes the trimmings away.


L4L, you'll be ready to put your feet up now! Hope Keoki's doing well. kissy

Take care all!

Mary hearts wavegirl


"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1129249
10/23/17 12:58 PM
10/23/17 12:58 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Mary, that is a very good find. It's hard to find folks willing to do outdoor work and do a good job of it. wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1129289
10/23/17 09:15 PM
10/23/17 09:15 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Awesome garden care Mary! Hope mine works out too. Just waiting for the weekend.

Weatherman was RIGHT. It's 95 degrees in the shade. Luckily it's sooo dry that it feels like 75 and with just a ceiling fan, I'm very comfy. Hot outside though. I wet down the front porch and the back deck for the Outdoorsies to lie in cool evaporation. They are taking advantage of it.

OH and my OLD feral male, Ninja, did something weird. He usually brings me mice as a present. He deposits them at my feet or in the food dish and waits for me to give him wet food. I pet him a lot and praise him. Well today, he was on the front porch presenting a dead mouse to the MOM cat. Wow. Never saw them interacting before. She didn't want it, but one of the 2nd litter guys, Tippy, was on the sidewalk just off the porch, so Ninja picked up the snubbed mouse and dropped it in front of Tippy, who happily grabbed it and ran off. So strange that Ninja felt he needed to be the 'king of the pride' and provide for the others. He refused to give me the mouse. Hummmmm. Love cats, will never understand them. catrub


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1129300
10/23/17 10:11 PM
10/23/17 10:11 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Good night all

sleep


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
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