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#1129284 - 10/23/17 08:54 PM Tuesday's
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 31915
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Hobgoblins know the proper way to dance:
Arms akimbo, loopy legs askew,
Leaping into darkness with delight,
Lusting for the ecstasy of fright,
Open to the charm of horrors new....

~Nicholas Gordon, poemsforfree.com
```````````

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town called Weipa. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this,mister! I'm talking to that little prick on your knee."

``````````

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this", said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows." "We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball.......... stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake..." "What did you do?", asks the doctor. "Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!".

```````````

Mr. Smith went to the Doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.

The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."

Mr. Smith says, "What do you mean?"

The receptionist replies, "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer disease and the other for AIDS. We cannot tell which is your wife."

Mr Smith exclaims, "That's terrible! What am I supposed to do now?"

The receptionist calmly replies, "The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town and if she finds her way home, don't go to bed with her."

`````````````

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near-death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation, and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years?"
God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

``````````

What's the difference between female at the ages of 8, 18, 28, 38, 48 and 58?

08 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
28 - You don't need to tell her any story and take her to bed.
38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
58 - You stay in bed all day to avoid her story.

````````````

Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.

Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.

Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.

If they can put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there.

Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.

Never let your man's mind wander - its too little to be left out alone.

Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every penny.

Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books.

A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh all right, I'll stay the night".

Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.

Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.

If he asks you if you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing.

When he asks you if he's your first tell him, "You may be, you look familiar."

``````

Brian invited his mother over for dinner.
During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep
noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was.

Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and
Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Stephanie than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you Stephanie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Brian said, "Well, I
doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure". So he sat down and wrote:

"Dear Mom: I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from
the house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for

dinner. Love, Brian".

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:

"Dear Son: I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Stephanie; I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Stephanie. But the fact remains
that if Stephanie is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."

LESSON OF THE DAY ... NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER

```````````

Good mmorning everyboomie. yay


Looks like it'll be another awesome day here. I love this time of year. penguin


We're going to be 69 degrees for the high, and mostly sunny. broccoli


Today I took Missy to the park, and then went to Walmart. Later on in the afternoon, I took Missy walking around the block,and really enjoyed the weather. yes


L4L Miss Pepper is as happy as a Lark, and sassy as every.


Since it's still Monday night, I taking in the Monday Night Football game, watching the Redskins and Eagles play, and pulling for the Redskins of course. taz


I hope it's a happy Tuesday for everyone that gets out of bed today.....otherwise we'll shoot for a happy Wednesday. thumbsup


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1129299 - 10/23/17 10:08 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74040
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe and all! It's been raining and chilly the last couple days and my head is not a happy camper at all. Started my new job yesterday with a horrible migraine and it's not looking like it wants to let up.

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1129310 - 10/23/17 10:38 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 31915
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Aww Ana I'm so sorry you have a migraine. I admire your strength though. I would be totally incapacitated I'm such a wimp with pain. sad

Hope you feel better soon. hearts


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1129311 - 10/23/17 10:48 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74040
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Thanks, Joe! No time to wimp out and certainly can't tell a new employer that you aren't showing up the first day. I'm just praying tomorrow will be better.
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1129323 - 10/24/17 05:03 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22217
Loc: Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Ana and all. Ana hope the migraine goes away and Good Luck on the new job! Joe have a great day. Coffee and tea are ready. We are expecting heavy rain and with winds up to 60 mpr and possible loss of power!
Hope you all enjoy your day! fall
_________________________
Gerry

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#1129335 - 10/24/17 07:42 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18058
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers fall

Joe, you had a busy day yesterday. Enjoy today!

Ana, hugs! Hope the migraine eases off for you.

Gerry, coffee please. Weather is lousy today.

Wishing everyone a super good day! bat
_________________________
Gail

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#1129340 - 10/24/17 08:01 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 9913
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Hump Day. Ana, I hope your migraine goes away soonest. Our first real cold front moves in tomorrow. happydance Lunch and Netflix with a friend. Dinner, Dancing, and Karaoke tonight at 8-8 Panda. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall
_________________________
Connie

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#1129351 - 10/24/17 09:11 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7208
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Glad you're having fun with Missy, Joe. thumbsup

Thanks for the good luck yesterday, Ana! I'm hoping it all goes well for everybody involved. smile Really sorry you have a migraine. sad I hope it goes away soon!

Hope you keep your power, Gerry!

Have a great Tuesday, Gail.

Sounds like a busy and fun day, Connie.

I've been absent for the last couple of days, as I've had really bad back pain and nausea. I went to the doctor yesterday, and it turns out I have an infection. He gave me a prescription and wrote me a note so I could be off work until Wednesday. Actually, he let me request the day, and now I'm wishing I asked for the whole week off. lol Oh, well, I do feel a lot better than I did, although the pain still comes and goes. I think by tomorrow, I should be able to move around and hopefully not notice the pain while doing so.

Today, I'm going to continue to rest and maybe game in between. Hope everyone has a great Tuesday. fall
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

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#1129363 - 10/24/17 10:15 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47175
Loc: Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

It's beautiful out there happydance I don't get to say that very often. Will get the doggies out so we can all enjoy it.

Joe, wave

Ana, if you can get hold of some good quality peppermint essential oil, some folks get relief from headaches by smelling that. It doesn't totally get rid of it for son, but it does knock it way back. Hope playing with the babies helps.

Whoa, Gerry, stay safe.

Gail, hope ya'll stay safe, too. Sorry the weather is icky.

Connie, what's on Netflix for you? We've been binging BlueBloods.

Venus, so sorry you are ill, but very glad you got a diagnoses and meds. Hope you are well quickly
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1129443 - 10/24/17 09:34 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 26581
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Tootin Toosday everyone laugh

home from work, dogs fed, I'm going to grab a bite and then it's off to bed to prep for tomorrow wink

Sleep well everyone

sleep
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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#1129455 - 10/24/17 11:00 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7208
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Thanks, L4L! Hope you had fun with the dogs! puppy

Sleep well, soot.

Good night, everyone. sleep
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

Top

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