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#1129598 - 10/25/17 08:47 PM Happy Thump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 31918
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Hark! Hark to the wind! 'Tis the night, they say,
When all souls come back from the far away-
The dead, forgotten this many a day!

~Virna Sheard

``````````````

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:
Dear Wife (that's what he called her):
I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.
When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband (that's what she called him): I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy.
You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.

`````````

A lady is having a bad day at the tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she cries, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"

A gent next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, calmly suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?"

He walks away. Moments later, his he is intrigued to hear a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won!

Rushing back to the table and pushing his way through the crowd, he is stunned to see the lady lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.

He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"

The operator replies, "I don't know, buddy.... She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up she fainted!"

```````````

A beautiful blonde woman is having trouble growing tomatoes...
seems she can't get them to turn red.

She knows it is not the weather or the soil as the man next door
has a garden full of big red tomatoes.

She asks him about his secret..."twice a day" he says "I stand
naked in front of the tomatoes, they blush and turn bright red."

This sounds foolish, but what the heck, so she spends the next
few days standing nude in her garden.

A week goes by and she runs into her neighbor and he asks...
"have your tomatoes turned red?"

"Not really" she says..."but the strangest thing has happened...
the cucumbers have swollen up and are standing on end."............ blush

``````````

A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30.

One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom - only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.

"Dang woman!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose everything?"

```````````````

Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become paralyzed, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.

````````

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

````````````

A macho man married a beautiful young thing. On their honeymoon, he laid down the rules. "Now here's the way it's gonna be: I'll go hunting or fishing or card-playing or drinking with my buddies anytime I want to, with no hassle from you. And I'll come home anytime I want to, with no hassle from you. And I'll expect dinner to be on the table whenever I get here, with no hassle from you. Those are my rules. Do you understand?"
His new bride smiled sweetly and said, "Of course, dear. That's fine. But I have one little rule of my own: I'm gonna have sex here every night at seven o'clock-whether you're here or not!"

```````````

A PETA protester screamed at the woman in a fur coat, "Don't you realize some poor dumb beast suffered so you could have that fur?"
Unfazed, the woman replied, "That's true, but think of what I had to go through! I dated him!"

``````````

The doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast. As he stormed out of the house, the man angrily yelled to his wife, "You aren't that good in bed either!"
By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answered the phone. "What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?"
"I was in bed."
"What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?"
"Getting a second opinion"

````````````

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he asks the bartender to prepare another double martini.
After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and asks the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The man replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."

```````

Good morning everyboomie. hamster


We're over the hump! joy


Today was a nuther beautiful day here, with gale force winds. lol


It wasn't really that bad. It was windy out at the park, but not as bad as yesterday. bravo


Thursday is supposed to hit 83 degrees before Ana's cold weather gets down here for the weekend, when we'll be in the mid 50s for a few days. yes


I may have to get a sweater for little Miss Missy. puppy


Is there any football on tonight? think


No? Heck! taz


Tomorrow night then.


Have a happy day everyone.


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1129634 - 10/25/17 11:10 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74055
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, you can't have football every night! My head would explode from sports overload! lol

It's in the 30's now here. My poor head is still trying to keep up with the weather. :(

Have a happy day!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1129654 - 10/26/17 05:51 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22221
Loc: Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Joe enjoy your day. Ana feeling any better this morning? We are having a cold rainy day today. Temp is in the 50s right now - cold and damp. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
Happy Day wished for all! fall
_________________________
Gerry

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#1129656 - 10/26/17 07:09 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18066
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers wavegirl

Joe, have a great day. Hope there's a game for you tonight.

Ana, enjoy whatever the day brings. Hope the migraine stops soon.

Gerry, coffee needed. Good day wishes to you.

Weather is rain again for day #3. Starting to miss the sun. Wishing everyone a good day! dragon
_________________________
Gail

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#1129660 - 10/26/17 07:26 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 9916
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Super Thump Day. Beautiful cool weather here. Danish, Eggs, Grits, BB Pancakes, Hash Browns, and French Toast in the NC. fall
_________________________
Connie

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#1129692 - 10/26/17 09:59 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74055
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Gerry, our rain has left for a couple days thankfully, but it's 41 now. It was 37 when I got up. My head is sadly, still not good. I tried to get a chiropractor appt today but he's closed. I hope he can squeeze me in tomorrow and maybe help if he gives my neck a snap-crackle-pop! lol
Have a great day!

Connie, glad you are enjoying the fall weather! I am missing the Florida warmth!

Gail, how are you doing?

I woke up to banging and realize the roofers are here tearing off my roof. They were supposed to call ahead and now I have a dumpster blocking my car in the garage and a load of roofing shingles on pallets blocking the driveway on my husbands half of the garage. sad I told them they need to have it all moved by the time I have to go to work, I don't care how they do it!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1129702 - 10/26/17 11:12 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47179
Loc: Alabama
Thumping good Thursday ya'll puppy

It's cool enough here today that I had to close the windows happydance That's amazing, though they are talking back to the 80's in a few days.

Ana, hope your head improves soon.

Joe, are you watching the World Series (and yes, I know that is not football..lol )

Gerry, 50's is nice, but not the damp.

Gail, I hope the sun finds you.

Connie wavegirl
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1129767 - 10/26/17 10:52 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 26593
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Whew...long day wave2

Sleep good everyone

sleep
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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