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#1129759 - 10/26/17 08:23 PM TGIF
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 31923
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
On Hallowe'en the thing you must do
Is pretend that nothing can frighten you
And if somethin' scares you and you want to run
Just let on like it's Hallowe'en fun.

~Author unknown

``````````````

Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."

Nina's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother."

```````````

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.
As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose."

````````

A husband and wife decided they needed to use a code word to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word "typewriter."
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter."
The child told her mom what her dad said and her mother responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter."
The child went back to tell her father what mommy had said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."
The child told her father, and then returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

```````````

It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in the grades
and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of
this.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can
leave early today.??

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and
will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is MAD that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is BOILING mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these witches would keep
their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?!?!"

Johnny: "BILL CLINTON. CAN I GO NOW?"

````````````

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"

His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.

When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

`````````````

A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 5-year-old son standing pie-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event.

The man thought, "Great... he's 5 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."

When everything was over, Dad strolled over to his son and said, "Well Willie, do you have any questions?"

"Just one," gasped the pie-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"

```````````

A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cursing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say hell and you say ass."

"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?

"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"

```````````

A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
To which the mother replied, "April fool!"

````````````

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth".
The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your father a big hug."

```````````

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"

`````````````

Sidney was a 14-year-old boy with an interest in the sciences. One summer day he started his own investigations. With his 12-year-old sister Sophie in tow, he caught a large bull frog in a local pond. Sidney started his experiment with the amphibian, and told Sophie her job was to write down the results of the experiment.

Sidney drew a line in the sand, placed the frog on the line, and prodded the frog with a small twig from the rear and shouted, "Jump, frog!" The frog jumped, and Sidney measured the distance. "12 feet...write that down, Sophie," he said.

Next, he brought the frog back to the starting point and removed the frog's right front leg. Again he prodded the frog and shouted, "Jump, frog!" The frog jumped 10 feet, and on instruction, Sophie wrote it down.

Again the frog was brought back, the left front leg was removed, and again "Jump, frog!" Sidney reported, "Six feet...write it down."

The next time, Sidney removed the large right back leg. "Jump, frog!" Then, he shouted "Jump, frog!" and prodded the frog. "The frog jumped 8 inches...write it down, Sophie."

Finally, Sidney removed the frog's remaining back left leg, put it down and prodded the frog with the twig shouting, "Jump, frog! Jump, frog! JUMP FROG!! JUMP JUMP FROG!!!"

The frog didn't jump. Sophie looked at Sidney, and said, "So what should I write down?"

Sidney thought a moment, then told Sophie to write, "When you remove all the legs from a frog, it turns deaf."

`````````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


We've hit rock bottom of the work week. IT'S FRIDAY!!! yay


We're only supposed to hit like 56 degrees for Friday, so I guess I'll be wearing my big boy pants to the park......with a parka. snicker


Today was down right warm. yes


I took the dogs to the park, and then mowed the lawn when I got back home. thumbsup


That's the last time this year I'm mowing. smirk


It's football night in America, and the game starts in about 5 minutes. Miami and Baltimore. yay


I have no favorite. Just wanting a great game. hamster


L4L I don't have a lot of interest in baseball.


That's not true........I have absolutely no interest in baseball.


Have a happy day everyone.


joe




Edited by looney4labs (10/27/17 10:14 AM)
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1129770 - 10/26/17 11:24 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74084
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, other than my Cubbies, I couldn't care less about baseball either! It puts me to sleep.
Happy FRiday!

Have a great day everyone!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1129782 - 10/27/17 05:06 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22237
Loc: Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Joe enjoy your day. Ana hope your headache is better. Did you get the chiropractor appt? Coffee and tea are ready.
Wishing everyone a sunny day! fall
_________________________
Gerry

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#1129786 - 10/27/17 07:06 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18076
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers fall

Joe, glad you got your football in.

Ana, have a wonderful day!

Gerry. coffee please and thank you. Enjoy the day.

Think we're going to get Sunshine today. joy
_________________________
Gail

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#1129795 - 10/27/17 07:49 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 9924
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great TGIF. Karaoke tonight at the Eagles. Tomorrow is the Halloween party Ada and I are hosting at the Eagles. witch bat ghost We have been working on it for over a month. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. zombie
_________________________
Connie

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#1129806 - 10/27/17 10:26 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47194
Loc: Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

So what's up for everyone today?

Boys will be here later. Weather is supposed to be bad tomorrow so we may have to hit the park today.

Joe, how are the pups?

Ana, is your roof finished?

Gerry, wave

Gail, enjoy the sunshine. It's bright and sunny here.

Connie, sounds like it will be quite the party. You need to tell us all about it.
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1129817 - 10/27/17 11:51 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9340
Loc: San Diego, CA
I think I skipped a day in the diner. Had a lot to keep me busy.

Couldn't find the lone kitten, looked and mourned his loss all day and night. Thought probably whatever got his sibling 2 weeks ago got him. Prayed he went quickly but didn't bother looking in the 'killing fields' next door, not wanting to actually see the scene of the crime.

Got up this morning...at the back door was the usual crew, Spot, the long-haired black and white guy crying as usual. He's the town crier for breakfast. Starts pawing at the screen door. THEN a little tiny cry???? Opened the door and there beside Spot was the kitten! Crying, pawing the door. Geez. What happened to him yesterday. Looked fine, healthy, clean, HUNGRY. Actually got so involved with eating that I petted him several times on the food table. Maybe he wandered next door somewhere and stayed? Hid under the house all day (it was 95 again)? I just don't know.

Mom cat sat all day and night on the deck in the 'usual' spots she does when the kitten was with her. Thought for sure he was gone this time, but maybe this one just might make it. I'm holding my breath now. He's playful, got the longest black fur and almost blue eyes. Not sure what they will be but very interesting look. I think I'm getting attached despite my resolve not to.

And in other news: Spent the day going back to my dentist's office to sign a paper they couldn't find Wednesday. Also drove to the NEW place where I have to get another root canal on the recently capped tooth which won't stop hurting and on which I can't chew. Hopefully this will solve the problem. Unfortunately the REAL problem is that in the last 2 months, I will have spent, almost FOUR thousand dollars on 3 teeth that needed attention. 2 caps, one root canal and one extraction. I'm broke broke broke!
Gotta be done though, if I want to preserve what I can so I can continue to chew. HATE how expensive dentists are now. I'm going to see about insurance but so far the plans are expensive and don't cover very much and have a waiting period before paying out on stuff. I'll look around. Things are surely not going to get better in my mouth as I get older. I'm afraid to CHEW anything now. Have run out of all my 'slush fund' and not expecting to win the lottery any time soon. rotfl
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#1129849 - 10/27/17 04:05 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47194
Loc: Alabama
Sorta, I'm glad the little one showed up. wavegirl
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1129880 - 10/27/17 09:24 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 26616
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
TGIF!!!

Joe rotfl

The week is done!

joy

Have a super evening everyone yes

sleep
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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