You wouldn't believe
On All Hallow Eve
What lots of fun we can make,
With apples to bob,
And nuts on the hob,
And a ring-and-thimble cake.
Joey and Katie are sitting in school.
Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.
"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.
"Correct." Says the teacher.
So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.
"Correct again." Says the teacher.
So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"
A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father", answered the mother, "I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block."
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.
Better to be safe than...punch a 5th grader.
Never underestimate the power of...termites.
You can lead a horse to water but...how?
Don't bite the hand that...looks dirty.
No news is... impossible.
A miss is as good as a... Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new... math.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll... stink in the morning.
Love all, trust... me.
The pen is mightier than the... pigs.
An idle mind is... the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke there's... pollution.
A penny saved is... not much.
Don't put off till tomorrow what...you put on to go to bed.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and... you have to blow your nose.
None are so blind as... Stevie Wonder.
Children should be seen and not... spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries.
You get out of something what you... see pictured on the box.
When the blind leadeth the blind... get out of the way.
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth, then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."
Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. They had to
use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the
summer,cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting
on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push
that outhouse into the creek.
One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little
boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a
large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the
creek and floated away.
That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after
supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad
replied,"Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you,
wasn't it, son?" The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said,
"Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry
tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth."
The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in
that cherry tree."
Good morning everyboomie.
It's football day in America.
I am almost
giddy with excitement.
After 2 cold days, we're going to hit 73 degrees on this Sunday, with football on, so it's more like a typical Fall day for me.
I'm looking at the forecast, and wouldn't ya know Sunday, Monday are going to be in the 70s, and then Tuesday 57 degrees with a little "pm rain", and then back up in the 70s Wednesday.
I remember a lot of trick-or-treating that I did in the cold rain back in the Texas Panhandle.
That was a few years ago.
Have a happy day everyone.