Frights and chills
Candy and nuts
Seedy pumpkin guts
Tricking for treats
Treasure bag of sweets
A floating apparition
Imaginative night vision
Zombie, werewolf, vampire
Witches' cauldrons lit afire
Creepy ghost and spectre
Hooded Reaper—soul collector
~Terri Guillemets, "Halloween Night"
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, "Mummy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your bum?"
The teacher advised the class to start the day with the Pledge of Allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands
over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to
the flag..." When his eyes fell on Little Johnny, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks.
"Little Johnny, I will not continue till you put your hand over your heart."
Little Johnny replied, "It is over my heart."
After several attempts to get Little Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?"
"Because, every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie."
A mother and daughter were riding in a cab though New York City daughter noticed some scantily clad women loitering on a street "Mommy," the little girl asked, "what are all those ladies doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to come home from work." the mother answered.
"C'mon lady, they're hookers!" retorted the cab driver.
After a stunned silence, the daughter asked, "Mommy, do hookers have children?"
"Of course," the mother replied, "where do you think cabbies come from?"
There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim's Grocery Store.
The owner Tim doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel.
To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel - they say - because it's bigger.
One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you.
They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"
And Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!"
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into
its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five
dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says,
"Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma "
Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly.
"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.
"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.
"So? Are you afraid?"
"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely.
Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "Why are you crying now?"
To which Bob replied, "I came for a urine test!"
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
"It's a period,'' said the little boy.
"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''
''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
"Oh, no!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40
years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he
did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming
destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding
Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene.
He took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually impossible with so
many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly. "Danny! Danny!" he
whispered to himself.
He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something,
move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook
his head and felt his gut tighten. He couldn't understand how this could have
happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold
and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away.
In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Danny!"
From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he
said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard.
"It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed, "And for
heaven's sake, clean up this room!"
Good morning everyboomie.
How is everyone doing this fine new morning, and how was your Sunday?
My Sunday was really nice. The weather perfect for taking the dogs parking.
Sunday afternoon was great. I watched some great football.
If you didn't get to watch the Houston/Seattle game you missed probably the best game of the season so far.
What a game! Both quarterbacks threw for over 400 yards, and 4 touchdowns, and both lead their team in rushing yards, and just as I was thinking Houston would win it, Russell Wilson moved Seattle down field to score in about 45 seconds.
That was a big disappointment, but it was still a heck of a game.
Monday is supposed to be real nice here too.
Have a happy day everyone.