And graves have yawn'd, and yielded up their dead...
And ghosts did shriek and squeal about the streets.
~William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar [II, 2, Calpurnia]
The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, "I'm so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us."
The grandmother was curious.
"What trick is that my dear?" she asked.
The little boy replied, "I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again."
This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father.
His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get?
He replies I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years.
His father congratulated him. And then he said "That's good son, maybe next time you'll get a talking role!"
Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye.
His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"
"But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had
her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!"
"Johnny," the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women."
Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.
Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"
"But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in
front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and
pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!"
A teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to
the sleeping student's neighbor, "Hey wake that student up!"
The neighbor yells back, "You put him to sleep, you wake him up!"
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the
light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't, dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."
A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal.
The teacher held up a picture of a cat.
"What animal is this?" she asked.
"A cat!" said Eddie.
"Good job! Now, what is this animal?"
"A dog!" said Eddie.
"Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.
The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said,
"It's what your mom calls your dad."
"A horny toad," called out Eddie.
One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!"
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.
The little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.
The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties."
''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."
The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is only trying to see your panties?''
The little girl said, ''But Mommy I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.''
A mother, father and young son are visiting the circus. The elephants walk out into the circus ring and the little boy says
to his mother, "What's that?"
"That's the elephant's tail," she replies.
"No, under the tail," says the youngster.
The mother is clearly embarrassed and says, "Oh, nothing."
The boy turns to his father and repeats the same question. His father looks and says, "That's the elephant's [blip], son."
"So, why did mum say it was nothing?" asks the boy.
The father draws himself up to his full height and says, "Well son, I guess I've kinda got your mother spoiled."
Good morning everyboomie.
I've had a great day here, enjoying a very nice weather day. Took the dogs parking, and then just enjoyed the rest of the day.
It happens to be football night in America so I'm getting ready to watch Denver and KC go at it.
It's 59 degrees now, but Tuesday's high is only going to be 55 degrees.
I probably should have tried to enjoy today's weather a little bit more, eh?
Have a happy day everyone.