Backward, turn backward,
O Time, in your flight
make me a child again
just for to-night!
~Elizabeth Akers Allen
No flesh had the spectre, his skeleton skull
Was loosely wrapp'd round with a brown, shrivell'd skin;
His bones, 'stead of marrow, of maggots were full,
And the worms they crawled out, and the worms they crawled in.
His shoes they were coffins, his dim eye reveal'd
The gleam of a grave-lamp with vapours oppress'd;
And a dark crimson necklace of blood-drops congeal'd
Reflected each bone that jagg'd out of his breast...
His tread wakes the echoes, which breathe thro' the aisle...
Thrice swifter than thought on his heel round he turns...
His quill was a windpipe, his inkhorn a skull...
His lank fingers scrawled invitations in blood...
With groans from their tombs the pale spectres stalk'd forth,
In deadly apparel and shrouding sheets dress'd...
Grinning ghosts, sheeted spirits, skipping skeletons move...
A tomb was the table, now each took his seat...
~Matthew Gregory Lewis (1773–1818), "Grim, King of the Ghosts; or, The Dance of Death: A Church-Yard Tale," c.1802 [A little altered. Nickname: "Monk" Lewis. Written in imitation of The Cloud-King. —tεᖇᖇ¡·g]
From ghoulies and ghosties
And long-leggedy beasties
And things that go bump in the night,
Good Lord, deliver us!
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the professor while putting a worm into the water.
The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded confidently, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
A man comes to dinner at a new friend's house. While they eat, the new friend's small son keeps staring at the guest. Finally, the guest says, "Why are you staring at me like that, young fellow?"
The kid says, "Daddy told me you were a self-made man."
"Well, why did you make yourself like that?"
John said to Mary, "I'll bet you ten cents I can kiss you on the lips without touching them."
"You're crazy," said Mary. "That's impossible. Here's a dime that says you can't."
The two dimes were placed on the mantelpiece and John then enfolded Mary and for ten minutes kissed her passionately, intimately, and moistly.
She broke away at last, panting and disheveled, and said, "You did nothing BUT touch my lips."
John pushed the dimes toward her and said, "So I lose."
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names ...and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.
The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex."
"Good morning," replied the young man -- still focused on the plaque.
"What is this?" Alex asked.
"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.
"Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Little Alex's voice was trembling .. and barely audible ... when he asked, "Which service? ... the 8:30 .... or the 11:00?"
Three boys were bragging about their fathers. The first one said, "My father runs so fast he can fire an arrow, start running, and get there before the arrow!"
The second one said, "That's nothing! My father can shoot a gun, start running, and get there before the bullet!"
The third boy just smiled. "That's nothing. My father is a civil servant. He gets off work at 5 and is home before 4!"
A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "Im having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She said, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked...
"Then why did you eat him?"
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one. "
A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?", he asks the shop assistant.
In a manner she responds, "Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00. "
The guy asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others ?
"That's obvious," the assistant states, "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture... "
Good morning everyboomie.
Who's got some candy to share?
I'm kidding, I don't do sugar anymore.
I never get trick-or-treaters here, so I don't have to buy candy.
I do miss my chocolate chip cookies and milk, or my ice cream and chocolate syrup in milk, and my cokes.........but I don't have strong cravings for them anymore.
Just don't hold them up in front of my face or you'll lose your hand.
We're back up to 75 degrees today, and 84 degrees on Thursday.
Have a happy day everyone.