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#1130607 - 11/03/17 09:10 PM Saturdiner
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 31918
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Don Marquis

`````````````

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"

There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.

The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator.

"Wow," he said. "Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"

```````````

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off."

The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing."

The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem."

A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time."

"Ya, that will be done," says the German.

The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before."

The German replies, " ya."

The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."

The German snapped, "No! We will not! We think you are trying to escape!."

`````````````

A guy goes into a costume shop. He says, "I'm going to a Halloween
party, and I want to go as Adam."

The girl brings out a fig leaf.

But he says, "Not big enough!"

So she brings out a bigger one.

"Still not big enough!"

So she brings out a HUGE fig leaf.

"Still not big enough!" he proudly tells her.

So she says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your
shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?"

````````````

An FBI agent is interviewing a bank teller after the same bandit had robbed the bank 3 times successively.

"Did you notice anything special about the man? I mean, did he ever change his appearance?" asks the agent.

"Yes," replies the teller. "He was better dressed each time."

```````````

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display.
"Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"The gentleman was your doctor."

`````````````

Two military policemen were chasing a fleeing draftee from The military base. The draftee ran into the courtyard of a convent. He saw a nun seated on a round bench beneath a tree, quietly reading a book.

He said to her, "Quick sister, please hide me I don't want to be drafted and the M.P.'s are chasing me!"

She lifted up her skirt and said, "Quick hide under here." The two policemen came by and asked if she had seen anyone. She replied, "No."

After they left she told the young boy to come out and that everything was going to be OK. He thanked her and said, "You have a nice set of legs for a nun!"

She replied, "If you reach up a little farther you'll find a nice set of testicles. I'm not going to be drafted either!"

```````````

Lesson #1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, I'll give you $800 to drop that towel. After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.



When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, Who was that?


It was Bob the next door neighbor, she replies.



Great, the husband says, did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lesson #2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.



The nun said, Father, remember Psalm 129



The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.



The nun once again said, Father, remember Psalm 129



The priest apologized, Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.



Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.


On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ???Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson #3:

A sales representative, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.



The Genie says, I'll give each of you just one wish.


Me first! Me first! says the administration clerk. I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. Puff! She's gone.

Me next! Me next! says the sales representative. I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. Puff! He's gone.

OK, you're up, the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, I want those two back in the office after lunch.

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

`````````````

Good morning everyboomie. yay


Welcome to the weekend! penguin


Seems like barely a week's gone by since I last said that. wink


I saw a great ball game last night, and I had a super day today. yes


No kidding.... razz


Not much planned for the weekend, except more of the same. thumbsup


I have two little dogs demanding my attention right now, so.... puppy


Have a happy day everyone. rah rah rah


joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (11/03/17 09:10 PM)
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1130613 - 11/03/17 11:07 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74058
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, what better company than dogs! I think it's a grand day you have planned!

Have a happy day, all! I have James this weekend so we will go visit my son in the city and find something to do in the rain.

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1130622 - 11/04/17 05:40 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22224
Loc: Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
Enjoy your day everyone! fall
_________________________
Gerry

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#1130627 - 11/04/17 07:28 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 9917
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Saturday. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall
_________________________
Connie

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#1130628 - 11/04/17 08:20 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18072
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers fall

Joe, have a great day with the dogs.

Ana, hope you find something to have fun with James today.

Gerry, have a wonderful day.

Connie, enjoy whatever the day brings.

A trip to WalMart this morning. Hope the day is good or everyone. car
_________________________
Gail

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#1130641 - 11/04/17 11:14 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47181
Loc: Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll puppy

It's hot hot hot in AL. House all closed up with AC running. There may or may not be a movie in our afternoon plans. Hubby will be watching BlizzCon when he gets back from picking up dog food.

Ya'll have a great day!

wavegirl
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1130648 - 11/04/17 11:29 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9337
Loc: San Diego, CA
I think I have officially solved every 300 piece large format jigsaw puzzle that WalMart sells. Love puzzles but the 300s are the best for my eyes. Wish I could find some cheap ones around. I used to do the thrift stores, but I find I spend too much money there. Going to Target today to see if they have any that I haven't solved. Keeps me busy during dull TV programs. Hate to waste time just sitting and I can puzzle and watch at the same time. I tried ebay, etc and they all have the same ones AND they are more expensive than in the stores. Go figure. duh
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#1130674 - 11/04/17 06:06 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 26593
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Hello Joe Ana Gerry Connie Gail L4L (hearts) SortaB and the rest of the Diner Gang

I'm totally enjoying BlizzCon

One of these days I'm going to actually make it in person

wave2
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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#1130695 - 11/04/17 08:54 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74058
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good evening everyone! Long fun day in the city with hubby, James and Peter. It was exhausting but lots of laughs. Trying to get caught up now.
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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