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#1131191 - 11/08/17 08:26 PM Happy Thump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 31921
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.

~Dr. Seuss~
``````````````````

A good Samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk "do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked "Is this your floor?" "Yep".

Then the good Samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk "Do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs.

Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over to him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and cried "Please officer, protect me from this man. he's been doing nothing all night long but taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!"

`````````````

Nellie, shopping at her local supermarket, selects a
quart of milk, a dozen eggs, a pound of bacon and a
quart of orange juice.

A drunk standing behind her, watches as she places
the items in front of the cashier.

He says to her..."you must be single."

The woman, startled but intrigued by the derelict's
intuition, looked at her four items on the belt.

Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her items,
she says..."well, you're correct, but how on earth did
you know that?"

The drunk staggers as he puts his beer in front of the
same cashier and says..."cause you're ugly!"

`````````

A very rich man had his pool filled with pirahnas. Later on that day he threw a party, and invited anyone who wanted to attend.

He said he'll give any man $10,000 if he dares to swim from one end to the other. No one took the offer.

"Ok, I'll givThere was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.'

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age.

A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

"Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has fallen three times this week!"There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.'

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age.

A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

"Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has fallen three times this week!"There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.'

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age.

A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

"Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has fallen three times this week!"e any man $10,000 and a brand new car". Still no one took the offer.

"I will give any man $10,000, a brand new car and any lady of their choice at this party".

At the end of the pool, a man jumps in and swims fast across to the other end.

The rich man shakes the man's hand and asks, "do you want the money?"
"No"
"Do you want the car?"
"No"
"Then you want the lady of your choice?"
"No"
"Then what is it that you want???"
I want the little witch that pushed me in!"

````````````

Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip are entertaining the King and Queen of Tonga, during the visit they accept a customary ride in the horse drawn cart around the grounds of Sandringham Castle.

During the trip one of the horses passes gas and the sound and smell carries all the way through the cart to the royals. Embarrassed by this, the queen whispers in Phillip's ear "do you think I should mention that to our guests?". Phillip agrees saying "yes, that would be a good idea".

So the queen leans over to the the King of Tonga and says: "please do excuse me, I'm very embarrassed about that", to which the king of Tonga replies, "that's quite alright ma'am, actually I thought it was the horse".

`````````````

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune....

"One US soldier is better than ten Taliban"

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune, whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes then ssilence. The voice then call out.....

"One US soldier is better than one hundred Taliban"

Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune, and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The voice calls out again....

"One US soldier is better than one thousand Taliban".

The enraged Taliban commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.

Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander..... "Don't send any more it's a trap... there's two of them!"...

```````````

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.'

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age.

A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

"Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has fallen three times this week!"

`````````````

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say:

That's not it, and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier

psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the

army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: That's it!

```````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Today wasn't so great for me. sad


Shortly after I got up this morning, it began to rain, and it was pretty darn chilly. shocked


I didn't go anywhere all day. All I did was lay on the couch under a blanket and watch TV all day. smirk


Wait a minute......it seems I had a pretty good day after all. hamster


I had a GREAT day. thumbsup


Missy did not enjoy it quite as much. razz


I think she would have preferred to go to the park, rain or no rain. duh


Tomorrow


Have a happy day everyone. rah


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1131200 - 11/08/17 10:39 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74068
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, a rainy day under some blankets sounds pretty good to me! Nugget would gladly join you on the couch and snuggle all day!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1131205 - 11/09/17 04:56 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22232
Loc: Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Ana and all. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
Wishing you all a great day! fall
_________________________
Gerry

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#1131210 - 11/09/17 07:19 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 9919
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Thump Day. Appointment for new eyeglasses this morning. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall
_________________________
Connie

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#1131211 - 11/09/17 07:35 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18075
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers fall

Joe, hope you have an exciting day today.

Ana, enjoy whatever the day brings.

Gerry, coffee sounds inviting.

Connie, hope you pick out some cool eyeglasses.

Wishing a super, happy day to All! flowers
_________________________
Gail

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#1131239 - 11/09/17 11:59 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9337
Loc: San Diego, CA
Found a dead brown 'tick' on my bathroom floor. Dunno how it got there. Just a common brown thingy. Can't imagine it getting to the 'inner' recesses of my house. Hummmmm. Haven't seen any ticks at all around here so it's even stranger. Maybe it came in on my pant leg? I don't see any more, I'm not seeing any 'bites' on me. No furry pets in my house. Now I'm getting paranoid. I'm going to spray around the bathroom edges and see if it crawled in through the pipe holes or other cracks in the walls. Loads of stuff does that since I'm in a 1944 house on a raised foundation, with loads of icky stuff under there. Could have crawled up where the slugs, ants, spiders, and silverfish come in. Yuk! scared
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WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#1131249 - 11/09/17 12:58 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47186
Loc: Alabama
Thumping good Thursday ya'll

Rainy day here. Cool enough to turn off the AC and open the windows happydance I've been in the kitchen since I woke up. Dinner is in the crock pot. Dogs are fed. I'm fed. Kitchen is cleaned up. Now time to sit and surf for a sec before I get on with the rest of my day. wavegirl
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1131275 - 11/09/17 06:35 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 26601
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
My Thump Day is Friday happydance

Hello Joe Ana Connie Gail Gerry SortaB and L4L laugh

I would spend a rainy, cold day under the blankets 'any day' Joe ... it was raining here too this morning so I didn't get out for my normal morning walk

I'll have hot chocolate and french toast to go ladies laugh

Do you like your new glasses Connie?

SortaB eek

L4L hearts

Off to garden ... catch you all L8R wave2
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To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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