If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.
~Theodore Roosevelt~
````````````````````
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."
````````````
IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK.....You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON...You get three meals a day.
AT WORK.....You only get a break for 1 meal; you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON...You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK.....You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
IN PRISON...A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK.....You must carry around a security card and unlock and
open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON...You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK.....You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON...You get your own toilet.
AT WORK.....You have to share.
IN PRISON...They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK.....You cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON...All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK.....You get to pay all the expenses to go to work, and then
they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON...You spend most of your life looking through bars from the
inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK.....You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go
inside bars.
IN PRISON...There are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK.....They are called supervisors.
````````````````
An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive"
The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps.
The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps.
This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.
````````````````
First year students at Medical School were receiving Their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine,it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."
The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students initially freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually
took turns sticking a finger in the anus of the corpse and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at the class and told them,
"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger but sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!"
````````````
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
```````````
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated loudly.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
`````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Hump Day already?
I've had a terrific Tuesday with very pleasant weather. We started out very overcast, but not too cool. I took the pups to the park at about 10:00.
This afternoon I took them out again to play with the little kids across the street. Missy loves the little ones, but she's very shy. Beau is not as friendly, but he'll tolerate them if I'm there.
Hump Day is going to be pretty nice too, and close to 70 degrees.
I may take Missy to the mall, and see if I can attract some of the other type of little girls.
I'm kidding. I don't feel like chasing them around the fountain. It's very dizzying.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Good Morning Joe, soot, Ana and everyone. Joe enjoy your warm day! Soot a sunrise walk sounds awesome! Ana have a wonderful day! Coffee and tea are ready.
