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TGIF #1132155
11/16/17 08:31 PM
11/16/17 08:31 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening.

~Franklin P. Jones~
```````````````````````

"So tell me, Mrs. Jones," asked the interviewer, "do you have any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?"
"Well, actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and
I also finished my novel."

"Very impressive," commented the interviewer, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours."

Mrs. Jones explained brightly, "Oh, that was during office hours."

````````````

A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains of Scotland. They had registered on Saturday and they had not been seen for 5 days. An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were OK.

"Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love".
The old man replied, "I thought so ... would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window ... they're choking my ducks!"

````````````


Why Aren't You Married?


Here are some comeback answers:
------------------------------

You haven't asked yet.

I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.

Because I just love hearing this question.

Just lucky, I guess.

It gives my mother something to live for.

My fiancée is awaiting his/her parole.

I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.

Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon?

I'm waiting until I get to be your age.

It didn't seem worth a blood test.

I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.

Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.

My co-op board doesn't allow spouses.

I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.

They just opened a great singles bar on my block.

I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.

I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals.

What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?

I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.

Why aren't you thin?

I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.

Bonus reply for Single Mothers: Because having a husband and a child would be redundant

``````````````

A man at a retirement home was walking around with his zipper down holding his [blip].

A young nurse says Why are you doing that?

He replies, It died today.

Oh that's terrible!, the nurse replied

The next day the man has his [blip] hanging outside of his pants again.

The same nurse says, I thought it died yesterday.

The man replies, It did. Today is the viewing.

```````````

A dog applied for a job as a high-powered secretary with a multinational company. The advertisement stated that the successful applicant must have good keyboard skills, a command of shorthand, and be able to speak a second language.

The interviewer sat the dog at the computer and watched in wonderment as the animal successfully carried out the most complex functions, including spreadsheets and e-mail. Then he gave the dog dictation and was impressed by the hounds ability to write a hundred and twenty words a minute in immaculate shorthand.

"Well," he said at the end of the interview, "It looks as if the job's yours. There's just one thing. What about the second language?"

To which the dog replied: "Meow!"

````````````

Good morning everyboomie. yay


IT's FRIDAY!!!!! penguin


Time to get ready for all your weekend activities and festivities. hamster


My only weekend festivity will be to watch the Cowboys get slaughtered by the Eagles. woot


I hate the Eagles! taz


Other than that I'll enjoy myself with the little mutt and the bird.


Pretty much like I'll be doing today. wink


Have a happy day everyone. rah


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1132165
11/17/17 12:06 AM
11/17/17 12:06 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
I hope that your Cowboys win this weekend!

I have a light day today and I'm glad. I had some cancellations with some kids off school. joy

Have a great day!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1132174
11/17/17 06:42 AM
11/17/17 06:42 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Joe and Ana enjoy your "quiet" day! Coffee and tea along with hot chocolate are ready.
Wishing you all a happy day! fall


Gerry
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1132181
11/17/17 07:03 AM
11/17/17 07:03 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning all. I have to get ready for work in a few. How is everyone? It's been too long since I've come in the diner. Life keeps me busy. Thanks Joe for opening for us.
Midgie heartswavegirl


Just do it.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1132184
11/17/17 07:41 AM
11/17/17 07:41 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great TGIF. I get my new glasses today. Dinner, Dancing, and Karaoke at the VFW tonight. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1132200
11/17/17 11:39 AM
11/17/17 11:39 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

It's gonna be mid 70's here today..blue skies, bright sun. Anyone still looking for summer come on down.

Hubby and I watched the latest Pirates movie last night. Son had rented it to watch with the kids, so we figured, "Why not?" Anyway, we enjoyed it. I was Not pleased with the way the one before this one ended, so refused to go see this one in the theater. They did redeem themselves a bit and left it open. We shall see if another one comes along.

Joe, have fun watching football.

Ana, enjoy your quiet day. They are the best!

Gerry, heading for the hot chocolate. Thanks.

Midgy, will you be off on Thanksgiving?

Connie, do you love your new glasses, or do you need some time to get used to them?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1132220
11/17/17 05:27 PM
11/17/17 05:27 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Y'know what stinks? You go to bed healthy and wake up sick. lol I've been under weather for two weeks and it finally came to a head with a cold. It's a pouring rain kind of day so I am thankful all but two clients cancelled today. I have to go to the city tonight to celebrate a best friends birthday though. I'd rather be a slug. grin

Hope your day is going great!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
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