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Monday Morn #1132438
11/19/17 09:09 PM
11/19/17 09:09 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

~Rodney Dangerfield~
````````````````````

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?"

Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother."

`````````````

Two factory workers are talking.

The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."

The man replies, "And how would you do that?"

The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"

The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."

The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."

The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"

The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

`````````````

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?".

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as

Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message

through 3 posters... First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... Totally exhausted and panting. Second

poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place".

"That should have worked," said the friend.

The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs Read from Right to Left..."

`````````````

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands

out of the pane. The German sticks his hand out and says "We are in Germany". The others ask, "How do you know", the German

says, "Cuz' it's so cold". Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says "We are in Australia", the others ask "How do

you know", he replies "Cuz' it's so warm". Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says " We are in Mexico",

the others ask "How do you know", he says " Cuz' my watch in gone".

``````````````

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

```````````````

The ninety-year-old man was in for his checkup when the doctor learned he was about to marry an eighteen-year-old girl.
"Now, Mr. Jenkins", the doctor warned, "you should know that when a man your age marries an eighteen-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt".
The old man shrugged, "If she dies, she dies".

`````````

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still
shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger, apologized to the driver, and said he didn't
realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my
first day driving a cab.... I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

````````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


It's been a nice day here, kinda long, and I haven't watched a football game yet. smirk


I've been helping a friend out, and only saw part of two early games. yes


The game that I'm really interested in is about to start. Cowboys and Eagles. yay


I hope everyone had a real nice weekend. woot


Have a happy Monday everyone. thumbsup


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday Morn [Re: gymcandy1] #1132450
11/19/17 11:53 PM
11/19/17 11:53 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, hope you enjoy your game, Go Cowboys!

Chiropractor visit after I get off work. I'm in need!

Have a happy day, all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday Morn [Re: gymcandy1] #1132463
11/20/17 06:42 AM
11/20/17 06:42 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Ana and all. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready!
Enjoy your Monday everyone! fall


Gerry
Re: Monday Morn [Re: gymcandy1] #1132472
11/20/17 08:15 AM
11/20/17 08:15 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Monday. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: Monday Morn [Re: gymcandy1] #1132480
11/20/17 09:02 AM
11/20/17 09:02 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers puppy

Joe, enjoy your game.

Ana, good luck at the Chiro's.

Gerry, enjoy whatever the day brings.

Connie, have a wonderful day!

Wishing everyone a super good day today! kitty


Gail
Re: Monday Morn [Re: gymcandy1] #1132508
11/20/17 12:12 PM
11/20/17 12:12 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

It's finally cool enough to need long sleeves happydance I'll get Keoki out later for a our walk. The rest of the day will be Thanksgiving planning and pre-cooking. Time to get to work.

Joe, how was the game?

Ana, luck at the Chiro.

Gerry, wave

Connie, are you getting this cool?

Gail, have a wonderful day!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday Morn [Re: gymcandy1] #1132511
11/20/17 12:23 PM
11/20/17 12:23 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
AHA! I've finally captured the culprit who parks a HUGE white van in front of my neighbor's house. The van blocks totally both our views to get out of our driveways and safely into the main street where traffic speeds by like they are late for the end of the world.

This van was parked early Friday, and stayed all weekend and neither my neighbor or I could see who put it there. Wouldn't be so bad but it was so big and it's very dangerous to poke the nose of our cars out hoping that nobody is coming up the street. Scary. Almost got hit yesterday.

So I recorded all last night, got up in the middle of the night to check on it, rewound the tape, started recording again. Then this morning at 6 am the tape ran out again, so I didn't notice till I got up at 7. Luckily (or unluckily) the van was still there so I recorded again, AND 15 minutes later, while I was out feeding the Outdoorsies, (things always disappear while my neighbor and I are going potty or to the kitchen!) the van was GONE!

This time, oh yes, I win, I win. I rewound the tape and there, from the side street which T's into ours, was a chunky woman, jacket and purse in hand, walking across, getting into the van and driving off. Hooray! I've got the proof, now to show it to my neighbor so she can identify that gal. She has a good view of the side street and is familiar with most of the people who park or walk down it. Yep, I win one. I get to put my Oxford Street Ladies Detective Agency Badge back on. dance


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Monday Morn [Re: gymcandy1] #1132513
11/20/17 12:44 PM
11/20/17 12:44 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
You go, Sorta!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday Morn [Re: gymcandy1] #1132532
11/20/17 07:21 PM
11/20/17 07:21 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Online content
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Online Content
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Moanday Monday everyone laugh

I survived the work day and am looking to the rest of the night off happydance

I hope yesterday's game didn't deflate you Joe shocked

How was the chiro visit Ana?

Hello Gerry and Connie...just a cup of tea to go tonight please

Hope you had a wonderful day Gail

You Go SortaB!!!!! sherlock

Off to garden...music is life

wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Monday Morn [Re: gymcandy1] #1132538
11/20/17 08:21 PM
11/20/17 08:21 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Good morning everyone, grab a cuppa and enjoy your day.. penguin

Re: Monday Morn [Re: gymcandy1] #1132541
11/20/17 08:36 PM
11/20/17 08:36 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Good morning, Tainted. How's your day looking?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday Morn [Re: gymcandy1] #1132571
11/21/17 03:10 AM
11/21/17 03:10 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Hi Looney4labs,

I bought our dogs inside as it's a bit hot today, so we've got the cooling on and we're all trying to stay cool.

How is your day looking so far? hope it's good. lab

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