If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
~Henny Youngman~
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An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."
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Things We Learned From The Movies*During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
*All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
*Beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman; but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
*The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty
*Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
*A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
*Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
*If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
*Cars that crash will invariably burst into flames.
*Stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.
*If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.
*Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
*A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.
*All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts, so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
*When in love, it is customary to burst into song.
*When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.
*One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than 20 men firing at 1 man.
*If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river - or even a bath. German bullets are unable to penetrate water.
*Laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of an invading alien civilization.
*Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially if any of their family or friends have died in a strange boating accident.
*All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of software.
*Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
*When they are alone, foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
*If you are a hero, you never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste by your actions.
*You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
*Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
*You can tell if somebody is British because he will be wearing a bow tie.
*When driving a car, it is normal to look not at the road but rather at the person sitting beside you or in the back seat for the entire journey.
*Taxi drivers don't require exact or even approximate payment - the first bill you pull from your pocket is always correct.
*Having a job of any kind will make a father forget his son's eighth birthday.
*Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before retirement.
*The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's been a long trip, but we've arrived at another Friday. I hope you all enjoyed the journey.
I really enjoyed today. I treated it like a Spring day after a long cold hard Winter.
I propped my door open so I wouldn't have to get up and let Missy in and out, and I lay on the couch and slept all day.
Actually me and the mutt had a nice walk about the park, and then I did some badly needed kitchen cleaning.
Now, I'm preparing for an evening of disappointment, as I ready myself to watch another Cowboy game, and hope against hope that they can muster a win after three dismal efforts in their last three games.
Have a happy day everyone.
rah rah
joe
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Good Morning Joe, Ana and all. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
