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#1134069 - 12/04/17 08:06 PM Tuesday's
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 31958
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

~Will Rogers~
`````````````

A man went into a bar and said to the barman

"Pint of best please",

The barman said "That'll be 5 cents please"

The man was amazed at the cheapness and asked for the menu. He selected T-bone steak and chips,

The bar man said "That'll be 25 cents"

"Thats fantastic!" said the man, "Can I speak to the owner, I'd like to congratulate him on his prices!"

"No", the barman replied, "He's upstairs with my wife"

"Whats he doing with your wife?" asked the man.

The barman replied "The same as I am doing with his business down here!"

````````````


Bad Days


1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80, 000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and
applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, they were both eaten by a killer whale.


2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.


3. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came
down eight hours short of the 400-day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.


4. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places.
Until that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.


5. Two animal rights protesters were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly the
pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

And finally...


6. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now! Your day's not so bad, is it?


If those are true stories, I just have one question. How did anybody know the terrorist had mailed the bomb to begin with? think

````````````````

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"
One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."

"Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."

`````````````

An old man was eating in a truck stop when three bikers walked in.

The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man's milk and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner.

Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"

The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."

``````````

Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery:

- Oops!

- Has anyone seen my watch?

- That was some party last night I
can't remember when I've been that
drunk.

- [blip]! Page 47 of the manual is
missing!

- Well this book doesn't say that...
What edition is your manual?

- OK, now take a picture from this
angle. This is truly a freak of
nature.

- Better save that. We'll need it for
the autopsy.

- Come back with that! Bad Dog!

- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen,
then what's that?

- Hand me that...uh...that
uh.....thingie

- If I can just remember how they did
this on ER last week.

- Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml
of this stuff before?

- [blip], there go the lights again...

- Ya know, there's big money in
kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two
of 'em.

- Everybody stand back! I lost my
contact lens!

- Could you stop that thing from
beating; it's throwing my
concentration off.

- I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.

- Well folks, this will be an
experiment for all of us.

- Steril, shcmeril. The floor's clean,
right?

- What do you mean he wasn't in for a
sex change!

- What do you mean, he's not insured?

- This patient has already had some
kids, am I correct?

- Nurse, did this patient sign the
organ donation card?

- Don't worry. I think it is sharp
enough.

- What do you mean "You want a divorce"!

- I don't know what it is, but hurry up
and pack it in ice.

- Let's hurry, I don't want to
miss "Bay Watch"

- That laughing gas stuff is pretty
cool. Can I have some more of that?

- Hey Charlie, unzip the bag on that
one, he's still moving.

- Did the doctor know he would look
like that afterwards?

- Of course I've performed this
operation before, Nurse!

- FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

`````````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


It is the end of another lovely day here in Gods country. snicker


Speaking of the end though, it looks as though our string of lovely weather days has come to an end. sad


Not complaining mind you, but my disposition may not be as sunny for the next few months. lol


Actually December is still forecast to only drop into the 50s and 60s for the most part. How can you complain about that? bravo


We were near 80 degrees here today, and the winds blew pretty hard all day, and ushered in a cold front, which brought with it some pretty severe storms which started about 2 minutes ago. eek


They shouldn't last long though. hamster


I wouldn't mind actually if they lasted all night, but I know that won't happen. They're almost gone already. smirk


Good thing I have lots of programs recorded though. grin


Have a happy day everyone. woot


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1134075 - 12/04/17 11:30 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74237
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
birthday Joe! I put some cake in the corner! Wishing you a fantastic day! hearts

Good morning Joe and all! The days just fly by with no break. Long day planned today, lots of pups to walk and the weather is horrible. lol I will be looking forward to a hot shower when I get home!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave

_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1134087 - 12/05/17 05:04 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22300
Loc: Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Ana and all. Joe wishing you a wonderful Birthday! birthday Cake and ice cream in the Diner to help you celebrate! Ana hope you stay dry! A Happy Day wished for everyone! fall
_________________________
Gerry

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#1134089 - 12/05/17 06:29 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 9967
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Tuesday. birthday Joe, Birthday Cupcakes in the NC. The cold front is getting here tomorrow or Thursday. It will begin to feel like Christmas. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall
_________________________
Connie

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#1134093 - 12/05/17 08:01 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18132
Loc: Massachusetts
Morning Boomers

Joe, birthday have a super duper birthday!

Ana, Gerry, Connie and everyone on their way I'm wishing a great day today! rah
_________________________
Gail

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#1134127 - 12/05/17 12:35 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: GBC]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 31958
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning everyone, and thank you all for the warm wonderful birthday wishes, and the cakes and cupcakes. thanks

It's a spectacularly dismal, and overcast day here. woot

I have no big plans. My sis is wanting to take me for a birthday meal, and my friend, Beau's owner, is supposed to come bye here some time today with Beau. yes

I'm sure I could find something to clean if I only open my eyes and look around, but I'll do my best to resist that urge today. lol

I hope you all have a fantastic day. yay

joe wave2





Edited by gymcandy1 (12/05/17 12:36 PM)
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1134160 - 12/05/17 05:51 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 26715
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Happy Birthday Joe birthday

Hope your day was filled with fun and that you had a great birthday treat with Sis and the meal. Thank you so much for the Diner...my daily fix for Boomer news and your humor and wit! Can't imagine a day without it anymore.

I'm home for the day...beat a major cold rainy front getting here...it's pouring outside now. Time to game with WOM...but first some gardening!

wave2
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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#1134165 - 12/05/17 06:12 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9370
Loc: San Diego, CA
Warm Santa Ana winds blowing here. Pleasant but in Los Angeles County and Ventura County up the coast, they have huge fires burning down neighborhoods. Prayers for all displaced and for the brave fire fighters risking their lives to try to control the destruction. Very sad and scary. We are on a 'red alert' watch for our San Diego area. Dry, hot, very strong winds blowing from the desert to the sea. Dangerous conditions for any spark that will grow quickly and endanger anything in its path. I'm glued to the TV news. scared
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#1134182 - 12/05/17 08:22 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47243
Loc: Alabama
Joe, it's illegal to clean on your birthday! wink

Sorta, I hope they get this under control soon.
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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