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#1136029 - 12/21/17 07:39 PM TGIF
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32334
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.

~Charles Dickens~
`````````````````

Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard.

Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard.

It landed right in the centre of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball onto the green.

The third guy got up and randomly whacked the ball.

It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street.

It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond.

On the way to the pond, the ball hit a stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly.

Suddenly a very large bullfrog jumped up on a lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away.

As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the cup for a hole in one.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad."

`````````````

A man comes into a small town and starts convincing people he has super-natural powers.

He meets a guy called George who is unable to walk without crutches and asks him: "George, how would you like to get rid of those crutches?
With my powers I will cure your legs so that you will be able to run like a tiger".

Then he goes to a guy called Stan who stutters and asks him if he would also like to be cured.
Stan says: "O---O---Of course I w--would like t--t--that".

So, the man invites the whole town to sit in front of a big stage, where he puts Stan and George behind a red curtain.

"Ladies and gentlemen", he says, "I will now ask George to through him crutches from behind the curtain".

Immediately a pair of crutches is thrown from behind the curtain, and the audience is shocked.

"Ladies and gentlemen", he then says, "I will now ask John to speak without stuttering".

A few seconds of silence pass, but John is not heard.

"John, please, speak to us".

Still, nothing.

"John, everybody came to hear you speak, please, start now".

Then a sound is finally heard from behind the curtain:

"G--G--G-----George f-fell!"

``````````````

A priest goes to a hairdressing salon, has a haircut, thanks the

hairdresser and asks him how much he owes. The hairdresser replies,

"Father, you're a holy man, a man of the cloth, I just couldn't

charge you anything, it's on the house"

The priest is most grateful and says, "Thank you, my son" and leaves.

When the hairdresser goes to open his shop next morning, almost by

magic, he finds 2 gold coins on his doorstep.

Some days later, a Buddhist monk goes to the same hairdressing salon

for shave and a wax. When he goes to pay, the hairdresser says, "You

don't have to give me any money, you're a spiritual leader, a man of

the people, I just couldn't charge you anything, it's on the house."

The monk bows, shakes his hand and thanks him.

When the hairdresser goes to open his shop next morning, almost by

magic, he finds 12 diamonds on his doorstep.

The following week a Rabbi goes into the hairdressing salon to have a

haircut and a beard trim.

When he goes to pay, the hairdresser says, "No, Rabbi, I couldn't ask

you to pay anything, it's on the house, you are a learned and wise

man, go in peace." The Rabbi blesses him and leaves.

When the hairdresser goes to open his shop next morning, almost by

magic, he finds 12 Rabbis on his doorstep.

```````````````````

A guy goes into the store and says to the clerk, I would like some Polish Sausage. The clerk looks at him and says "Are you Polish?"

The guy says "Well, yes I am. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian??? or if I had asked for German sausage, would you ask me if I was German??" Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican?

The clerk says "Well, no."

The guy says "Then, why do you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage????"

The clerk says "Because this is a hardware store."

`````````````

List of the Funniest Bumper Stickers In America

1. Constipated People Don't Give A (bleep).

2. That is so five minutes ago!!

3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.

4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?

5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.

7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.

8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.

10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.

11. If At First You Don't Succeed... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.

12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

14. Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.

15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.

16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.

17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me

18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home

19. I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha

20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time

22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name

25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

26. Illiterate? Write For Help

27. Honk If Anything Falls Off

28. Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes

29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit

30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person

```````````````

Good morning everyboomie. happydance12


It's Friday. yay12


I hate seeing Thursday leave too. I could not have asked for a nicer day. bravo12


It got up to 70. I went to see the Star Wars movie at 11:00. Great movie!! Would like to watch it again. woot


After the movie, I went home and had a sandwich, and then took Missy to the park. lab


Later on I took her walking around the block. thumbsup12


Ah the good life.


Friday is going to be almost 30 degrees colder. mad12


Have a happy day everyone. wink12


joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (12/21/17 07:40 PM)
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1136037 - 12/21/17 10:53 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 76001
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Sounds like a great day, Joe! I bet Missy was happy!
I had to have hubby go with me to run Shadow and Nugget last night because a Coyote went after us the night before. That's twice in a week. Chased me almost all the way home.

I have a light work day today and I'm excited to start the weekend!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave12
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Don't feed the Trolls

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#1136047 - 12/22/17 04:29 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 23126
Loc: Marlborough USA
tree Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Joe glad you enjoy the new Star Wars movie. I'm looking forward to seeing it. Ana that is scary! Be careful where you walk! Coffee tea and hot chocolate are ready.
Wishing you all a bright sunny day! tree
_________________________
Gerry

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#1136050 - 12/22/17 04:53 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
family Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 3655
Loc: marietta,georgia
what is good about it, toyrus has my money and i can't get it back.

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#1136053 - 12/22/17 07:00 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10435
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Friday. Going to the Magic game tonight. We will be eating and watching the game from the Seafood buffet at Jernigans Restaurant. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. tree
_________________________
Connie

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#1136056 - 12/22/17 07:10 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Morning Boomers

Wishing everyone a super good day today. happydance12
_________________________
Gail

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#1136100 - 12/22/17 02:10 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GuybrushThreepwood Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 09/06/03
Posts: 4664
Loc: Lincoln, NE
I stole this from a Smith & Wesson forum (no guns are mentioned):

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:

1. A Bible.
2. A silver dollar.
3. A bottle of whiskey.
4. A Playboy magazine.

'I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself. "When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up.

"If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be. "If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.

"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be. "And worst of all, if he picks up the magazine, he'll be a womanizer all his life!"

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine's centerfold. "Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered. "He's gonna run for Congress."
_________________________
Currently Playing:
Adventure Game: Broken Age
Casual: Redemption Cemetery: One Foot In The Grave
Darkside: The Witcher

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#1136101 - 12/22/17 02:17 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47735
Loc: Alabama
That's funny, Guybrush!

I have the boys upstairs cleaning their room. I go up every 15 minutes and monitor and point out what I still want done.

So, pulled out a bunch of bins into which they had shoved everything off the floor. Told them to go through the bins and put the stuff they wanted in the appropriate spot and toss the rest. In 2 minutes they are down and "all done."

Up I go to find the bins up on Cully's bed (above my eyeline) covered by blankets with stuffed animals on top.

We had to have a talk about lying by action and word. Silly boys.

Hot here today...windows open. But, we are promised a cold Christmas wave12
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1136102 - 12/22/17 02:20 PM Re: TGIF [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Trail_Mystic Offline
Dragon Breath - Darkside Moderator
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/12/04
Posts: 6219
Loc: Wisconsin
Hey Ana, if you aren't allowed to carry pepper spray in your area (considered a concealed weapon in many states) one of those small, personal alarms that emit a piecing tone, as long as it's over 80 decibels will scare the crud out of the coyote, especially if you menace towards it while yelling. A small aerosol boat horn can also do the trick and fits in a purse or fanny pack.

TM thumbsup12
_________________________
"L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux."

What is essential is invisible to the eyes.

The Foxes Secret from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupéry




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#1136130 - 12/22/17 09:51 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 28364
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
joy TGIF

woot The weekend is here

Have a wonderful evening Joe Ana Gail Gerry Connie TrailM GuyBTW L4L and Family

Sleep well Mary :sleep:

wave2
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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#1136131 - 12/22/17 09:51 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 76001
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
I have air horns I have to carry with the little dogs I watch for work that play off leash but they are provided by the dog owners. Good idea to have one of my own! Most of my clients live in wooded areas with lots of coyotes.

I carry pepper spray with me everywhere! I have one that clips to your hand so you are free to move around and not lose it.
Pepper spray is legal to carry in Illinois.
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1136135 - 12/22/17 10:07 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 28364
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Oh...I thought pepper spray was legal for anyone to carry in any state?

think
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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#1136252 - 12/23/17 11:03 PM Re: TGIF [Re: soot]
Trail_Mystic Offline
Dragon Breath - Darkside Moderator
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/12/04
Posts: 6219
Loc: Wisconsin
Originally Posted By: soot
Oh...I thought pepper spray was legal for anyone to carry in any state?

think


Pepper spray is not considered a "weapon" per se in pretty much all states, but some do or did at one time require a concealed carry permit. Wisconsin did for some time, it's only within the last few years that they've reclassified pepper sprays within a certain concentration as not falling with the CCW laws. It's best to check your local laws just in case. thumbsup12
_________________________
"L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux."

What is essential is invisible to the eyes.

The Foxes Secret from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupéry




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#1136253 - 12/23/17 11:19 PM Re: TGIF [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Trail_Mystic Offline
Dragon Breath - Darkside Moderator
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/12/04
Posts: 6219
Loc: Wisconsin
Originally Posted By: BrownEyedTigre
I have air horns I have to carry with the little dogs I watch for work that play off leash but they are provided by the dog owners. Good idea to have one of my own! Most of my clients live in wooded areas with lots of coyotes.

I carry pepper spray with me everywhere! I have one that clips to your hand so you are free to move around and not lose it.
Pepper spray is legal to carry in Illinois.


That's good to read. Another trick a friend of mine does in California is carry an "extra-leash" with a snap-loop on her belt. She lives in an area with coyotes and mountain lions. The leash is actually an 18" length of heavy chain with a leash style leather grip and a couple of square head nuts and bolts tightened through links at the end. Basically an effective mace that gives you extra reach and a good follow-up after the pepper spray. Nobody ever asks her about it, because her dog is a pretty good sized husky and assume it's just a part of her walking kit. She carries it so the handle is on the snap-loop and the rest is in her jean's pocket, so it doesn't look quite as conspicuous.
_________________________
"L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux."

What is essential is invisible to the eyes.

The Foxes Secret from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupéry




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#1136255 - 12/23/17 11:38 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 76001
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
My husband brought one of his golf clubs over to the field the other day while I was playing with the dogs. I now have to play on the half away from the woods so I can at least have some vision of them coming. This is a pain in the patooties!
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