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#1136124 - 12/22/17 08:37 PM Saturdiner
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32122
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home!

~Charles Dickens~
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More Funny Bumper Stickers

31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To

33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

34. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...

38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

39. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over... [Seen Upside Down On A Jeep]

40. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.

41. Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

43. Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.

44. Ax Me About Ebonics

45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel

46. Boldly Going Nowhere

47. Cat: The Other White Meat

48. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde

49. Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That

50. Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.

51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window

52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?

53. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.

54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch

55. Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!

56. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.

57. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.

58. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.

59. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

60. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

61. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

62. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

63. So you're a feminist...Isn't that precious.

64. I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?

65. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

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There's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like an old salt, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and the bird's foul mouth is driving him nuts.

One day, it just gets to be too much and the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!"
But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.


Then the guy gets angry and says, "OK for you," and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would
make a sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din.
The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet.

At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.

The bird meekly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on." The man is astounded and amazed at the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the CHICKEN DO?"

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A guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor says,"Well sir,I have bad news and I have worse news".

The guy says, "Well gimme the worst news first". The doc says, "Well sir you have Cancer".

The guy says "That's terrible news, but whats the bad news?" The doc says "Well sir, you also have Alzheimers disease".

"Well", answers the guy, "at least I don't have Cancer".

````````````

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display.

"Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"The gentleman was your doctor."

````````````````

Mrs.O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father Rafferty. "Hello," said the Father, "and how is Mrs.O'Donovan? Didn't I marry you two years ago?" She replied "That you did Father." The priest asked, "And are there any little ones yet?" "No, not yet Father," said she. "Well, now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you." "Thank you, Father." And away she went.

A few years later they met again. "Well, now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?" "Oh, very well," said she. "And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?" "Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles -- ten in all." "Now isn't that wonderful," he said "And how is your lovely husband?" "Oh," she said, "he's gone to Rome. To blow out the [blip] candle!

```````````

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.

"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"

"11" he replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."

"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"

"Today and tomorrow."

He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant.

"It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

````````````

The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. The professor emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family.

A student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up, "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?"

As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter.

When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look. "Well," he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."

```````````````

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

````````

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day,
only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying
a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a
couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate
the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money"
and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door
and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least
seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her
hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this
horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat
the remainder."

"Well," she said, "I hope you have a damned good appetite,
because the electricity was cut off this morning."

````````````

Gd mrning everybmie. santadance


I'm sure yu guys knw what I'm saying here, but this is what it lks like withut the letter that cmes after 'n'. snicker


Kinda strange that that ne 1 letter stps wrking. headscratch


Sure gives spell check the fits. taz


We had a cld rainy day here all day, and I found it well suited for a slug day. grinch


If it had been about 5 degrees cooler, we could have had snow. happydance12


Saturday will be a few degrees warmer, with no rain. woot


Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup12


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1136138 - 12/23/17 12:25 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75010
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
:lol: Joe! I understood you perfectly!

Today is Christmas shopping day because I love to procrastinate. rotfl12 It's also soup making day and I have to pick up my sister and family from the airport. It's going to be a full day!

Have a happy day all!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1136154 - 12/23/17 05:59 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22654
Loc: Marlborough USA
happydance12 Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Joe enjoy your day! Ana it sounds like a very busy days!
Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready. happydance12
_________________________
Gerry

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#1136160 - 12/23/17 08:10 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10180
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Saturday. birthday L4L, Birthday Cupcakes in the NC. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. tree
_________________________
Connie

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#1136165 - 12/23/17 08:55 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Sparkle Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 01/29/09
Posts: 1647
Loc: Canal Fulton, OH
Waiting for our daughter to arrive from Chicago. Just wanted to pop into the diner to wish everyone a blessed Christmas. tree


Edited by Sparkle (12/23/17 08:55 AM)

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#1136166 - 12/23/17 08:55 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Morning Boomers tree

Joe, enjoy whatever the day brings around.

L4L, happy birthday! birthday

Ana, enjoy your shopping.

Gerry, a large cup of coffee this morning.

Connie, birthday cupcakes ..yes!

Stuck in the house today. Ice storm outside. eek12
_________________________
Gail

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#1136201 - 12/23/17 11:52 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9512
Loc: San Diego, CA
It's a lovely COLD morning here. Got to the low 40's last night. All the Outdoorsies are hungry (I got up 1/2 hour late) and then they are now running around looking for sunny spots to sit to warm up. Happily, all but 2 of them have lovely shiny black fur to absorb the rays. The other two will just have to rely on spots of black and maybe chasing each other around to get the metabolism going. We don't get snow, and rarely get this cold, and so far, no frost on the ground. Too near the ocean for frost except once or twice in the 40 years I've lived here. Then again, during my college finals in 1967, at San Diego State College (now University) it SNOWED for about 15 minutes. Real snow. We all rushed out to play but it was gone by the time we finished the tests. At least we had a rare snow day and a load of those who were born here had never seen snow. happydance12
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#1136221 - 12/23/17 02:52 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47475
Loc: Alabama
Hi guys, We got up this morning and headed out to Cracker Barrel. I was craving hash brown casserole. The place was a zoo but we had a good time. Then home to decorate the tree with the boys. That was an adventure. Now rushing to change and get out the door heading to Callaway Gardens with the family for craft making and light viewing.

It's a rainy icky day, but we've done the lights before when it's raining and it's actually even more spectacular because of the extra reflection from the rain. Most years it's pretty cold when we go view the lights but it's almost 80 here today. I sincerely thought about turning on the air while we were up decorating the tree. It is, however, supposed to cool off by Christmas. We are looking forward to that as we'd like to have a fire Christmas morning while we open presents.

Off we go. Happy day all reindeer
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1136256 - 12/23/17 11:59 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75010
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Sounds like a great day, L4L!

Ana wave12
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Don't feed the Trolls

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