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#1136234 - 12/23/17 07:11 PM Sip and Surf Sunday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32190
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Christmas is a tonic for our souls. It moves us to think of others rather than of ourselves. It directs our thoughts to giving.

~B. C. Forbes~
```````````````

Disgusted by what he has seen on earth, God decides to destroy it and start over.
He orders one of His angels to appear at the offices of four of America's leading
newspapers, the Wall Street Journal, the SF Chronical, the Washington Post and
the New York Times, in order to give them the scoop that He intends to destroy
the world in 2 days time.

The next morning, the following headlines appear:

Wall Street Journal: GOD TO DESTROY THE WORLD TOMORROW!! MARKETS WILL CLOSE EARLY!

SF Chronicle: GOD TO END WORLD TOMORROW!! ANTI-RELIGIOUS PROTESTS PLANNED. ACLU TO SUE GOD!!

Washington Post: END OF THE WORLD IS AT HAND, GOD SAYS!! SEE ARTICLE ON PAGE 12-B.

New York Times: GOD VOWS DESTRUCTION OF THE EARTH!! WOMEN, CHILDREN AND MINORITIES TO BE HARDEST HIT!!

```````````````

Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children. Soon after the last child is born her husband dies.

A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband.

After the last child is born her second husband also dies.

Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time. Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies.

At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says,

"At least, they're finally together."

A man standing next to the priest asks, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maria and her first husband, or Maria and her second husband?"

The priest says, "I mean her legs."

````````````

Four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.

"What brings you before the great and powerful Wizard of Oz? What do you want?"

Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly, "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."

"No problem!" says the Wizard, "Who is next?"

Up steps George Bush Senior sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."

"I've heard its true." says the Wizard. "Consider it done. Who comes next before the great and powerful Oz?"

George W. bush steps forward, "Well, I think I need a brain".

"Done" says the Wizard.

Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "What brings you to the emerald city?"

"Is Dorothy around?"

`````````

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?"
The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."

"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."

"So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks.

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."

"Why?" asketh the Lord.

"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota."

``````````````

A pregnant woman is in a car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer
pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies,
"Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl.
The babies are fine.
Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother, he's an idiot!"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," says the doctor.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name!
I guess I was wrong about my brother.
I like Denise!"
Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, "Denephew."

`````````````

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out.

The genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the administration clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." The genie snapped his fingers and poof, the woman disappeared.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." The genie once again snapped his fingers and poof, the man disappeared.

"OK, you're up," the genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

`````````

This guy walks into a bar wearing a Lion jersey and carrying a little dog that also has a Lion jersey on with a little Lions helmet too. The guy says to the bartender, "Can my dog and I watch the Lions game here? My TV at home broke and my dog and I want to see the game."

The bartender replies, normally, dogs in the bar would not be allowed, but it is not terribly busy in here, so you and the dog can have a seat at the end of the bar. But, if there is any trouble with you or the dog, I'll have to ask you to leave.

The guy agrees and he and his dog start watching the game. Pretty soon the Lions kick a field goal and the little dog jumps on the bar and walks down the bar and gives everyone a high five.

The bartender says, "Hey, that's cool! What does he do for a touch down?"

The guy answers, "I don't know, I've only had him for 3 years."

````````

A mountain woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come
back in a couple of days with a specimen. When she got home she asks
her husband, "What is a specimen?"

He replies. "Hell if I know. Go next door and ask Edith. She's a nurse"

The woman goes next door and comes back in about twenty minutes with
her clothes all torn and with multiple cuts and bruises on her face
and body. "What in the world happened?" asked her husband.
"[blip] if I know," she replies. "I asked Edith what a specimen was and
she told me to go piss in a bottle.
I told her to go s--- in her hat and then all hell broke loose.

```````````````

A school teacher started his first job at a primary school and was eager to make a good impression on the kids. So, when he noticed a boy standing all by himself during recess, while the other kids were playing a game of soccer, he walked up to him and asked "Are you alright ?"

The boy assured him everything was fine and the teacher left it at that. A few minutes later, however, he noticed that the boy was still standing alone and had not joined the other boys.

Deciding to find out what was wrong this time, the teacher approached him again and said, " Hi, are you sure you're not feeling left out? Would you like me to be your friend ?"

The boy obviously felt a little embarrassed, but after a little hesitation said, "Maybe". Encouraged by his progress, the teacher asked, "Tell me, why are you standing here alone?"

"Because", the boy said with clear exasperation in his voice. "I am the goalie"

```````````

Good morning everyboomie. santadance


Holy cow it's Christmas Eve! shocked


This stuff just sneaks up on me.......I wonder what year it is. think


Time to load up the old sleigh. On Dasher, on Dancer, on Comit, on Missy! reindeer


If I put a cat out in front, Missy could pull the whole darned sleigh by herself. lol12


Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh what fun it is t watch Missy pull the sleigh. rotfl12


I kill me. woot


Have a happy Christmas Eve everyone. christmas


St joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1136241 - 12/23/17 08:59 PM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
family Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 3341
Loc: marietta,georgia
i know what you are doing tomorrow watching seahawks vs cowboys, i am watching falcon vs saints.

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#1136243 - 12/23/17 09:30 PM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: family]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32190
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Family the Falcons and Saints game will be a good one. bravo12

So will Cowboys and Seahawks. wink12


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1136257 - 12/24/17 12:05 AM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75350
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Merry Christmas Eve everyone! This is Christmas day for me so it will be a busy but fun one!

Have a wonderful day all!

Ana joy
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1136263 - 12/24/17 04:49 AM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22787
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, family,Ana and everyone. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
happydance12 tree Wishing everyone a Happy Christmas Eve! happydance12 tree
_________________________
Gerry

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#1136269 - 12/24/17 07:18 AM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10254
Loc: winter springs fl.
tree Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Christmas Eve. Breakfast out and a bit of shopping. presents12 Tomorrow all the family and some friends will celebrate Christmas with us. reindeer I am very Blessed. angel Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, Sausage, Ham, Biscuits and Gravy, And French Toast in the NC. christmas
_________________________
Connie

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#1136273 - 12/24/17 09:30 AM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47569
Loc: Alabama
Super Sunday Ya'll puppy

I have cooking and wrapping and helping the boys clean out some clothes so their room functions better on the docket today.

Have fun, Ana reindeer

christmas
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1136294 - 12/24/17 11:04 AM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7726
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hi Joe, family, Ana, Gerry, Connie, L4L and anyone else who makes it to the diner today. wave12

It's been crazy for me here lately, but work is swinging in the opposite direction now, so this gives me more time to post. grin12 My big Christmas plan this year is going to see the new Star Wars movie with my mom and Thorsgoats. reindeer We were going to go Friday, but it was sold out, so we bought tickets in advance for Christmas day. happydance12

And now, I'm going to try to catch up on some posts I've missed during my absence. grin12

Hope everyone is having a great holiday! tree
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

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#1136297 - 12/24/17 11:30 AM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
christmas To everyone! tree
_________________________
Gail

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#1136298 - 12/24/17 11:32 AM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9561
Loc: San Diego, CA
Merry Christmas Eve to all! We open presents tonight so everyone can sleep in on Christmas Day. I think Santa knows the routine. No one around here is an early bird even on Christmas Day.

Outdoorsies fed and watered. The one I call Duplex from down the street somewhere was particularly aggressive today. I have to feed him on another table and he insisted on coming back to the communal table. Seems he and the 'alpha male' ancient kitty are having 'words'. So Duplex came to the regular table, and Ninja went over to the other table. Funny. Lots of growling, but it worked out OK.

I got an early Christmas present from the court. Jury duty for the day after Christmas, but so far, I don't have to report on that day. We can call in the night before or on weekends and no one is scheduled. Seems though that on Thursday and Friday they have 3 trials starting, so I might just have to go. Not bad, only 7 blocks from me and easy to get in and out. I'm the only one of all my friends and neighbors who has never been on a jury. Gotta cross that off my bucket list.

Off to check on my sidewalk patch project. I've been filling in the depression on my front walkway for a week. Little by little building up the layers so they will dry. So far, yesterday's final coat is still mushy. Hopefully we get some warming and I will be done. Don't want anyone to trip and sue me!
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#1136319 - 12/24/17 01:15 PM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 27714
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Merry Christmas everyone santa

Have a wonderful Chrsitmas eve Joe Ana Family Gerry Connie Gerry Gail SoraB Venus L4L and the rest of the Diner Gang after you're done enjoying grits, eggs, bacon, sausage and coffee laugh

Time for last minute gift wrapping gardening music and gaming woot

Have a wonderful Christmas eve everybody wave2

christmas

tree
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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#1136323 - 12/24/17 01:24 PM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9561
Loc: San Diego, CA
Doing laundry. Stuffed the last open window with foam. I keep my windows bolted open about 4" all year round and it's easier to just stuff a stiff foam roll in the opening which cuts the winter winds. Easier to remove than to unbolt all the windows to regulate air flow in this old old old house. Works great, but I didn't do the kitchen window till this morning when the wind kicked up and the major draft hit me at the computer in the dining room. All better now. dance If we get another hot spell (which always happens this time of year, I'll pull out the foam and the nice air will flow again in whatever room really needs circulation. No circulation and the walls and area rugs (esp under the bed) get totally musty. Did a lot of remediation this summer. All better now. Strange old 1944 lath/plaster/cement/stucco house is really pretty air tight when windows are closed. When I moved in (1978) the bedroom walls were coated with mold. Yep. Lots of bleach cured that. Opened windows in 1978 July and never closed them. Not kidding. Love the fresh air. joy
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#1136344 - 12/24/17 05:30 PM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
family Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 3341
Loc: marietta,georgia
i finally fixed the toyrus problem, i order the Imaginarium City Studio Dollhouse since the other was out of stock.

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#1136348 - 12/24/17 06:02 PM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47569
Loc: Alabama
Crazy busy day here for me. Not done yet. Will be collapsing soon though. Merry Christmas ya'll christmas
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1136355 - 12/24/17 08:00 PM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/08/06
Posts: 12095
Loc: Scotland
Hello Boomers! Hope you are all well and having a peaceful Christmas Eve! I've done all I'm going to do for today, we'll have a full house tomorrow so an early rise for us. Off to bed (to sleep, I hope!)

Enjoy the rest of your day guys, and have a lovely Christmas tomorrow.

Mary santadance hearts wavegirl
_________________________
"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin

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