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#1136599 - 12/27/17 07:27 PM Happy Thump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32124
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
There are no great limits to growth because there are no limits of human intelligence, imagination, and wonder.

~Ronald Reagan~
```````````````

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I will not sleep with you!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.

Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "$200? For one night?"

`````````````````

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.

"Ma'am," said the cop, "I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."

"Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home," responded the Amish lady.

"That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that right away!" instructed the cop.

Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.

"Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" asked Jacob.
"He said the reflector is broken," replied the lady.

"I can fix that in two minutes. What else?" wondered Jacob.
"I'm not sure, Jacob... something about the emergency brake"...

```````````

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the city's stores, he picked up a mirror and looked in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy.

He bought the picture, but on the way home remembered that his wife, Lizzy, didn't much like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

The man's many trips to the barn began to draw Lizzy's suspicion. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, So that's the ugly witch he's runnin around with.

`````````````

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well.

The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?"

The Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."

```````````````

A cowboy rides up to a Saloon, goes inside and orders a drink.
He's just about got the glass of whiskey to his lips, when a guy comes running up to the door, and yells "Hey Joe! Your house is burnin!"

The man leaps up, runs out and jumps on his horse just as he thinks "Hey, I don't have a house."

He goes back in and sits down, and raises the glass to his lips again. Just then a man comes running up to the door and yells, "Hey Joe! Your dad has died!"

So he leaps up, runs out, gets on his horse and starts to head down the street when he thinks, "Wait a minute ... my dad died years ago."

He goes back to the bar, and sure enough, he's just about to take a sip of his whiskey when another guys runs up. "Joe! Congratulations! You've won the lottery! There's a pile of money waiting for you down at the post office!"

The cowboy gets up, leaps on the horse, and starts flying towards the post office. He almost gets there when he thinks, "Hey, wait a minute. My name ain't Joe..."

`````````````

An Irish-man finds a bottle in his garden, and when he rubs it, a genie comes out.

"You have three wishes", the genie says.

The Irish-man thinks for a little while, and then he says: "I would like to have a bottle of the finest whisky in the world, and that no matter how much I drink from it, it will never empty".

Immediately after finishing his sentence, a bottle of great whisky falls into the Irishman's hand.
He starts drinking it, taking one big gulp after another.
But then, after finishing drinking, he finds that the bottle is still completely full.

"Well, what are your next two wishes?", asks the genie.

"I would like two more bottles just like that one!", answers the Irishman.

``````````````

Three men, one German, one Japanese and a Texan were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager, "he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The Texan felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Texan finally said "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."

```````````

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son Bob in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough! I'm sick of her, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Boston and tell her," and then hangs up.

The son frantically calls his sister, who goes nuts upon hearing the news.

She calls her father and yells, "You are not getting a divorce! Bob and I will be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a single thing, do you hear me?"

The father hangs up the phone, turns to his wife, and says, "It worked! The kids are coming for a visit, and they're paying their own way!"

```````````````

John went to the store the other day. He was only in there for about five minutes, and when he came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So John went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'

He ignored John and continued writing the ticket. So John called him a stupid idiot. He glared at him and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!

Then John really got angry at the cop. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more John abused him, the more tickets he wrote. After he finished, John walked around the corner to his car and left.

`````````````

Two drunks are walking along.

One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night... look at the moon."

The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend, "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun."

They started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him.

"Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"

The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."

````````````

Good morning everyboomie. yay12


Let's see now. This is the day after the day before Thursday. thumbsup12


I have to admit I'm having a real hard time keeping up with the day of the week. rolleyes12


We had a pretty chilly Wednesday for these parts. We stayed in the 30s. shiver


For my dinner tonight I made something I've never made before, chilly-cheese-fries. santadance


It seemed like a good day for it. wink12


It was also a good day to stay in bed all day. lol12


Have a happy day everyone. wave12


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1136610 - 12/27/17 10:53 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75021
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, it's always a good day for chili cheese fries! joy Were they delicious? It was -5 yesterday and 4 degrees was the high. -30 was our windchill. I was out and about as usual, but a hot shower was welcomed when I got home!

Have a happy day all!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1136612 - 12/27/17 11:12 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7565
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, that sounds like a great dinner to me. grin12

Ana, still way too cold. shiver Hope you're staying warm.

My new keyboard arrived today. It didn't take long at all, and it's so much nicer having an ergonomic computer again. happydance12 And now, I'm off to sleep. Work again in the morning.

Have a great Thursday, everyone. wave12
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

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#1136621 - 12/28/17 04:59 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22656
Loc: Marlborough USA
shiver Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and everyone. Joe it's cold here too. Only 9 degrees right now and we will be having a wind chill later! Ana I saw how cold it is where you are on the news! shiver Yikes! Venus that was fast. Glad your new keyboard is working well. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.

happydance12 Wishing you all a warm, sunny day! happydance12
_________________________
Gerry

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#1136626 - 12/28/17 06:20 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 15606
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning all. If you have to go out in this frigid wather, please bundle up. I have to go to Waltham this morning. I'm still driving a Hyundai which I still don't like but I have no choice. I', waiting for the dealer to find another Honda civic for me. I still miss my Honda. That was such a beautiful car. Oh well, fingers crossed that they find one for me. Have a warm day everyone. Careful if you have to go out. Work later for 5:00.

Midgie hearts shiver
_________________________
Just do it.

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#1136628 - 12/28/17 07:21 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10181
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Thump Day. Lunch and Netflix with a friend today. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. tree
_________________________
Connie

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#1136630 - 12/28/17 07:47 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Morning Boomers eek12

Stay warm everyone!

Joe, today 30.s sound like a heat wave.

Ana, stay as warm as you can.

Venus, glad you got your new keyboard.

Midgie, I drive a Honda Civic. I love it! car

Connie, Enjoy being out with your friend.

Wishing everyone a warm, cozy day! happydance12
_________________________
Gail

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#1136636 - 12/28/17 11:24 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
family Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 3228
Loc: georgia
my dollhouse is shipping tomorrow to fexed.

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#1136672 - 12/28/17 04:43 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47479
Loc: Alabama
Hope everyone is having a lovely Thursday! I have bread on a first rise and yogurt in step 1. Rounded that out with a little cleaning. Hubby is getting groceries. Son is trying to oust his bronchitis. Boys will be here soon. wave12
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1136691 - 12/28/17 07:05 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 27371
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Happy Thump Day Joe Ana Connie Gerry Gail L4L Family Midge and Venus laugh

Oh where did the day go? Lots of little tasks kept me tap dancing most of the morning and then needed to go to the grocery store and then the sun went down on me :eek:

Wishing everyone a quiet evening wave2
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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#1136719 - 12/29/17 12:01 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7565
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep12
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

Top

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