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#1136702 - 12/28/17 08:14 PM TGIF
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 31997
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
But there are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret.

~Ronald Reagan~
```````````````

Three rednecks, Bubba, Earl and Jeb, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road that led past the old graveyard.

"Come have a look over here", says Bubba, "It's Zeb Jones' grave, God bless his soul, he lived to the ripe old age of 87."

"That's nothing", says Earl, "here's one named Butch Smith. It says here that he was 95 when he died."

Just then, Jeb yells out, "But here's a fella that died when he was 145 years old!"

"What was his name?" asks Bubba.

Jeb lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Georgia."

````````````

A nice young man wanted to purchase a Christmas
gift for his new sweetheart. As they had not been dating very long,
after some careful consideration, he decided that a pair of elegant winter gloves would strike just the right note - romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to a
fine department store and chose a pair of lovely white fur-lined gloves. The sister did her own shopping, buying a pair of panties for herself.

While the clerk was wrapping the items, she got the boxes mixed up, and gave the gloves to the sister and gift-wrapped the panties for the young man.

The young man sealed the package without noticing and sent it to his sweetheart, who opened it on Christmas to find his enclosed note:


I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she demonstrated the short ones she wears that are easier to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from
Showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked very sharp.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming
year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love.

(P.S... The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

`````````````

Father Christmas was not in a very good frame of mind - in fact he was very depressed.

That morning after breakfast, Mrs Santa had told him that her Mother was coming over to stay 'for a few days' and he knew that would be for several weeks, and as Christmas was approaching her visit was the last thing that he wanted.

The Elves had been playing up and had gone on strike for more pay. The replacement elves Santa had put in were much slower and the number of toys that had been made was way down.

Father Christmas went to visit his Reindeer and found that two of them were pregnant and another two had kicked down the fence and had disappeared into the forest. He was by now even more depressed.

What I need is a drink he thought, but upon going indoors he found that the elves had hidden his Whisky and there was nothing left to drink in his liquor cabinet. Deciding upon a coffee he went into the kitchen but managed to drop the Jar of Coffee all over the floor. Now he really was cheesed off!

He went to fetch the broom to sweep up the mess but found that the mice had chewed off all the bristles.

At that moment there was a knock at the front door.

Upon opening it, Father Christmas was confronted by a beautiful Fairy holding a lovely Christmas Tree.

"Good Morning, Santa" she called "Isn't it a really lovely day. I have bought you this beautiful tree, isn't it lovely? Where would you like me to stick it?"

And that is why by tradition we have a Fairy sitting on top of our Christmas Trees.

``````````

There were three little old ladies sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.

The first lady immediately had a stroke.

Then the second lady also had a stroke.

But the third lady, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.

`````````````

So it seems that these four rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual "3 to 1, majority rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority.

"Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!"

It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved. "A sign from God! See, I'm right, I knew it!" But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds form on hot days.

So the rabbi prayed again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a bigger sign!" This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree on a nearby hill.

"I told you I was right!" cried the rabbi, but his friends insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes.

The rabbi was getting ready to ask for a very big sign, but just as he said, "Oh God...," the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, "Heeeeeeeeee's Riiiiiiiiight!"

The rabbi put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three, and said, "Well?"

"So?," shrugged one of the other rabbis, "now it's 3 to 2."

```````````

Two girls were hired to clean a big house.

The owners left for work and there was nobody home, so they decided to take their clothes off.

They worked naked for a few hours, when they heard the door-bell.

"Who is it?", one of the asked.

"It's a blind-man", answered the man from outside.

Since they realized he couldn't see them anyway, they decided to stay the way they were.

They opened the door, and the man said: "Hi, where do you want the blinds?"...

``````````````

Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odor.

"Do you wash?" the doctor asked the smelly young girl.

"Oh, yes," Mary answered. "Each morning, I start at my head and
wash down as far as possible. Then I start at my feet and I wash
up as far as possible."

"Well," the doctor concluded, "Go home and wash 'possible'!!!"

`````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. happydance12


It's Friday! yay12


Too bad. I was hoping for March. wink12


I'm dying to get out and do some hunting, but I really need lots of rain to wash away the leaves. duh12


I'm afraid that won't happen until March or April. smirk


Friday will be our warmest day, at 47 degrees, until Jan. 6th, and so.....not much going on for a while. mad12


Here's hoping your day brings what you're hoping for. thumbsup12


Have a happy day everyone. wave2


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1136703 - 12/28/17 08:30 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9413
Loc: San Diego, CA
Hooray for Friday! Always nice to see the weekend especially when it's a Holiday.

No jury duty for me. They released all of us (phone in status) and I will have to wait another year or two to try to cross that one off my bucket list. Darn.

AND I was right. My tenant's who had the SDGE utility company come to light their wall heater came up the next day and rang my back doorbell. Always ominous when they do that if it's not 'rent day'. So I am informed that I HAVE to meet the SDGE guy down there in 10 minutes. This of course canceled my plans to take my friend shopping in the next 10 minutes.

Went down there, the SDGE guy arrived and I thought there was something terribly wrong with the old 1952 wall heater. Actually practically nothing can go wrong. Such a simple system, but the tenants told me I needed to talk to the guy about 'no heat at the top of the unit'. Huh? The flame is at the bottom and heat comes out there and some at the top.

So I chat with the guy, find out the first tech they sent was NEW and didn't know much about the old heaters so when the tenant's were 'afraid' of the gas exploding, he called in the big guns (supervisor). He was nice, did a complete check of the unit, even to borrowing my ladder to check the vent on the roof, and tromping up the driveway to my yard to look at the gas meter to be sure it wasn't pulling too much gas. Everything FINE. Unit lit right up, stayed lit. He did a bit of cobweb clearing and I told the tenants again, which lever to turn heat on and off. They don't seem to remember or just can't figure it out.

Simple stuff. One lever clearly marked with white paint. Push counter-clockwise to ON and clockwise to OFF. Last year they forced it PAST the off and turned off the pilot twice. Had SDGE out 3 times last year. So far no one has said it's not working. I'm just happy to know it's safe and in good shape after all these years. The guy said don't replace the old ones as they are so reliable and easy to fix. Nice to know. Didn't really want to spend a bunch of cash anyway.

dance
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#1136720 - 12/29/17 12:03 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7270
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a fantastic Friday Joe, Sorta and all who follow. wave12

It's Thursday night, and I'm off to sleep. I'm going to bed way too late, and I have to work in the morning. smile12

Have a great Friday, everyone. tree
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

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#1136723 - 12/29/17 12:24 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74416
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Yay for Friday! I have a full day today but when I'm done it's fun for the weekend time! I work New Years day but I have Sat-Sun off.

Have a happy day Joe, Sorta and all!

Ana wave12
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1136742 - 12/29/17 05:27 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22386
Loc: Marlborough USA
happydance12 Good Morning Joe, Sorta, venus, Ana and everyone. Another bitter cold day ahead. I've got my gas fireplace on again this morning. It keeps it nice and cozy warm! Coffee,tea and hot chocolate are ready.
Wishing you all a Happy Day! happydance12
_________________________
Gerry

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#1136750 - 12/29/17 06:55 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10014
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful TGIF. Shopping with a friend today. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. happydance12
_________________________
Connie

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#1136754 - 12/29/17 08:37 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18213
Loc: Massachusetts
Morning Everybody! penguin

Cold here! Not sure what's on the agenda today. Wishing everyone a wonderful Day! happydance12
_________________________
Gail

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#1136767 - 12/29/17 10:21 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 26862
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
TGIF Joe Ana Gail Connie Gerry Venus SortaB

Another cool start to the day that I am totally enjoying and next week we'll see temps in the 20s...oh my goodness!!!

But no snow...whew!

I hope your day brings everything you're looking for!

wave2
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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#1136797 - 12/29/17 02:03 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47298
Loc: Alabama
We are having lovely cool weather! Boys are here. We are playing board games by the fire. wavegirl
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1136847 - 12/29/17 11:54 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7270
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep12
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

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