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#1136828 - 12/29/17 08:14 PM Saturday In the Park
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32225
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
To me there is no picture so beautiful as smiling, bright-eyed, happy children; no music so sweet as their clear and ringing laughter.

~P. T. Barnum~
``````````````

A guy with a Doberman Pinscher asks his friend who has a Chihuahua if he wants to grab a bite to eat.

The man with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go into a restaurant. We've got dogs with us."

"Just follow my lead," assures the other man.

They walk over to the restaurant and the guy with the Doberman puts on a pair of dark glasses before entering.

When he gets inside, the doorman says, "Sorry sir, no pets allowed."

To which the man replies, "It's OK, this is my seeing eye dog."

"A Doberman?" the confused host asks.

"Yes, they're using them now. They're really quite good."

The host shrugs and says, "Come on in."

Next, the guy with the Chihuahua decides to give it a try, so he puts on his sunglasses and walks in.

The host stops him immediately and says, "Sorry guy, no pets allowed."

"You don't understand. This is my seeing eye dog," the man replies.

The host says, "Oh, come on, a Chihuahua?"

At which point the man yells, "They gave me a Chihuahua?!"

```````````

It's the middle of summer and a Highway Patrolman pulls over a motorist
for speeding. While he's writing the ticket, flies keep buzzing around
his head, annoying him considerably.

"Circle flies sure are bad this year, aren't they?" says the motorist.

"Yeah," says the patrolman, "if that's what these are, you're sure
right. But I've never heard of a circle fly before. What's that?"

"Well," the motorist responds, "circle flies are a species of fly that
are particularly partial to horses. Specifically, they tend to circle
around a horse's rear end. That's why they call 'em circle flies."

The patrolman, catching the implication, replies, "You don't say. Well,
that's very interesting. But it strikes me that you might be trying to
call me a horse's ass. You wouldn't be making that kind of implication
about an officer of the law, would you?"

"Oh, no sir!" responds the motorist. "No, sir, not at all. I have the
utmost respect for law enforcement officers, and would never dream of
implying that one of them was a horse's ass. No, sir, I'm terribly
sorry if that's how it sounded."

"Yeah, I didn't think so," replied the patrolman.

"Yeah," the motorist continued, "but there's just no fooling those
circle flies, is there?"

````````````````

There was this car that was driving very slowly down the highway. A State Trooper pulls it over. "What have I done wrong, officer?" the driver asks.
"You are going 26mph on a major highway. There is a law against that," the officer says to the driver. "You must go at least 50mph."
"But when I turned on the highway, the sign said 26!" the driver replies.
"HA HA HA!" The officer laughs out loud. "That is because this is Interstate 26! The 26 isn't the speed limit!"
The driver leans back in her car seat and the cop sees another woman sitting beside her. She looked as pale as a ghost.
"What happened to her?" the officer asks.
"I don't know, but she has been that way ever since we got off of interstate 160."

`````````````

There were three couples that went to a church and asked to join. There was a newly wed couple, a middle-aged couple, and a older couple. The pastor told them that they had to go without sex for two weeks. Two weeks later they came back to that same church. The pastor asked the newly wed couple how it went. They replied "It was hard the first week, but then we made it through." He asked the older couple, and they replied "we did not have sex at all for the two weeks." He asked the middle-aged couple and the man said "She dropped a paint can!".
The pastor said "She dropped a paint can?.
The man replied, "She bent over with a paint can in her hand and I just had to get her right then and there!".
The pastor said, "I'm sorry you cannot step foot into this church again!" The man said, "That's okay, we can't go into Home Depot either!!"

```````````

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little?," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation. Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Alex".

``````````````

A few race horses are in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 16 races, I've won 8 of them!"

Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 20!"

"Oh that's good, but in the last 37 races, I've won 29!" says another, flicking his tail.

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 91 races, I've won 89 of them!"

The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence, "A talking dog!."

``````````````

A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it.

When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist.

The pharmacist comes and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly. "Do you sell Viagra here?"

The pharmacist answers firmly, "Yes, Sir. We certainly do."

The man then asks "Do you think I could get it over the counter?"

The pharmacist thinks for a moment and then says, "perhaps, if you took 5 or 6 pills at once you might."

```````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave12


Welcome to the weekend! santadance


Only 361 shopping days left till Christmas. presents12


It's almost time to put up the decorations. christmas


Wait.....I don't usually take them down until July. wink12


Then again my sister puts them up and takes them down. I told her I can't climb a ladder since I broke my ankle, (14 years ago). grinch


Good girl! snicker


Cold and nasty all weekend here, I'm staying in. mad12


Have a happy day everyone.


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1136842 - 12/29/17 11:01 PM Re: Saturday In the Park [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75517
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
I took all the decorations down yesterday, Joe! After Christmas I like my house back to normal.
You crack me up with your sister! rotfl12

I got to sleep at 4am yesterday and had to get up at 7 to go to work and I'm fading fast. I'm trying to get some game time in! I never find time to play anymore. Today I am sleeping in until I am ready to get up!

Have a happy day all!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1136849 - 12/30/17 12:02 AM Re: Saturday In the Park [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Online   content
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7811
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, I broke my leg 12 years ago, and I still have problems from time to time, so that sounds like a perfectly legitimate excuse to me. grin12 Hope you find some fun games to play or something equally fun to do tomorrow.

Ana, that is not nearly enough sleep. eek12 Hope you get enough rest tonight, and have fun gaming tomorrow! presents12

It's Friday night, and I'm off to sleep pretty soon. It may snow here tonight, and it's going to be cold in either case. So, I think I'll also make tomorrow a gaming day. happydance12

Have a fantastic Saturday, everyone. tree
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

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#1136856 - 12/30/17 04:46 AM Re: Saturday In the Park [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22871
Loc: Marlborough USA
happydance12 Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and everyone. Gaming sounds like my kind of day especially since our high temperature today will only be in the teens with a wind chill factor making it feel zero! shiver We may get some snow too! Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready!
Wishing you all a Happy Day! happydance12
_________________________
Gerry

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#1136866 - 12/30/17 07:12 AM Re: Saturday In the Park [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10293
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Saturday. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, French Toast, and Bacon in the NC. happydance12
_________________________
Connie

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#1136869 - 12/30/17 08:03 AM Re: Saturday In the Park [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers reindeer
Joe, enjoy the game play.

Ana, you need more sleep.

Venus, enjoy whatever the day brings.

Gerry, coffee needed desperately.

Connie, Danish with my coffee. Thanks.

Cold weather here! Gaming sounds great today. Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend. shiver
_________________________
Gail

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#1136883 - 12/30/17 12:34 PM Re: Saturday In the Park [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 27917
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Good morning Joe Ana Venus Gerry Connie Gail and the rest of the gang when you're up and at em!

Cloudy chilly weather here too Joe...good weather to stay inside!!

Hope you Slept well Ana!

Happy Saturday to you to Venus Gerry Connie and Gail!

Time for some gardening...

SOOT!
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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#1136887 - 12/30/17 12:46 PM Re: Saturday In the Park [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9580
Loc: San Diego, CA
Only 3 houses my street decided to decorate this year. Not much spirit I guess. Even I didn't put up anything. All 3 houses still having the nightly display with lights, blow-up figures, wire reindeer and spiral trees. I think 2 of them had a competition to see who could put up the most and biggest display. Fun to watch as they one-upped each other. Usually the guy across from me leaves his stuff up way past New Year's Day and put them up before Thanksgiving. Geez. Wreaking havoc with my infrared security cameras.

Off to the tool store to buy bolt cutters. I'm either embarking on a life of crime or going to cut a heavy chain that I used to leverage my falling fence. Guess which? Yep, it's the fence. Back gate wouldn't close/open because the fence posts were leaning and termite ridden and falling apart. Easiest fix was to pull the end posts at an angle with a chain and eye hooks. Worked like a charm, but now have a long dangling chain to cut. Gotta buy the cutters and have my friend use his muscles to chop the chain to a workable length. THEN maybe I do the 'crime' bit. haha
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#1136931 - 12/31/17 12:01 AM Re: Saturday In the Park [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75517
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Nighty night...
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

Top
#1136938 - 12/31/17 04:11 AM Re: Saturday In the Park [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Online   content
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7811
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep12
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

Top

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