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#1137018 - 12/31/17 08:11 PM January 1st, 2018 Diner
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32192
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud.

~Maya Angelou~
``````````````

A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?"
"No, I am an undercover detective."
"So why are you in uniform?"
"Today is my day off."

``````````


Top Stories For The Year 2035


1. Fidel Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be
imported legally but President Clinton has banned all smoking --[blip]
you, Chelsea!

2. Spotted Owl plague threatens Western American crops and livestock.

4. 35-year study proclaims diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

5. Texas executes last remaining citizen.

6. Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

7. Baby conceived naturally -- scientists stumped.

8. Authentic year 2000 Florida "chad" sells at Sotherby's for $4.6
million.

9. Ozone created by electric cars kills thousands in Los Angeles.

10. In sports news: Average height of NBA players now 9'7". Baseball
players threaten to strike.

11. New California law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers,
and baseball bats be registered by January 2036.

12. Colorado motorist arrested for not driving SUV.

13. Average worker's weekly Social Security (FICA) contribution hits
$2,000. Protests planned.

14. Congressman Gary Condit still missing.

15. Senator Strom Thurmond remains dead; but continues to cast votes.

17. Oprah Winfrey, nearing retirement, buys Illinois.

18. Spam, called "worse than it ever has been," is "ruining online
experience." Congress considering a law to tax it.

````````````

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."

She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.

The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference."
She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."

`````````````

A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in
Washington. The bride is concerned, and asks, "What if
the place is still bugged?"

The groom says, "I'll look for a bug." He looks behind
the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug. Finally,
he says, "AHA!" Under the rug was a disc with four
screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the
screws, throws them and the disc out the window.

The next morning, the hotel manager asks the
newlyweds, "How was your room? How was the service?
How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?"

The groom says, "Why are you asking me all of these
questions?"

The hotel manager says, "Well, the couple in the room
UNDER you complained that the chandelier fell on
them."

````````````````

A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.

The group surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"

One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."

Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."

There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."

````````````

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.

The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.

Breast fed, the woman replied.

Well, strip down to your waist, the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.

Motioning for her to get dressed he said, No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk.

I know, she said, I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came.

``````````````

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.

The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.

"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

``````````````

A pirate walks into a bar. He has a peg leg, hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye.
The bartender asks "So, what happened to your leg?"
The pirate says "Aaar, I was fighting the British Navy and they blew up me ship, I fell over board, and a shark bit me leg off."

"Oh," said the bartender,"what happened to your hand?"

The pirate replies, "Aaar, I was fighting the British Navy again, and won came up and chopped me hand of with his sword."

The bartender then asked,"Well what happened to your eye?"

The pirate answered, "Aaar, I was walking down the beach and I looked up and there were some seagulls and one doodooed in me eye."

"And that caused your eye to be put out?," asked the bartender.

To this the pirate said,"No, first day with me hook!"

````````````

A man enters a cafe, sits down & notices that the special of the day is cold chili. When the waitress comes to take his order, he says, "I'll take the cold chili." "I'm sorry, the gentlemen next to you got the last bowl," says the waitress. "Oh. I'll just have coffee, then." After a while the man notices that the guy next to him who got the last bowl of cold chili is finishing a rather large meal and the chili bowl is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that?"
The other man replies, "No." "Would you sell it to me?" "You can have it for free if you want it."

So the man takes the bowl of chili and begins to eat it. When he gets about half way through the bowl, he notices a dead mouse in the bowl and pukes the chili back into the bowl. The other man says sympathetically, "That's about as far as I got, too."

`````````````

Good morning everyboomie. santa


HAPPY NEW YEAR and HAPPY BIRTHDAY EARTH!!
woot


My son and his girl friend are coming up from San Antonio today for a couple of days. bravo12


Not sure what we'll be doing, but not worried about it. wink12


We are pretty cold for these parts. Got up to 27 degrees (our high), and we even got a little snow last night. happydance12


Going down to 12 degrees tonight, which may be our low point since last January or February. shiver


At least I have a woman to sleep with..........who's big enough to keep my feet warm. puppy


Have a warm, safe Happy New Year's Day everyone. thumbsup12


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1137036 - 01/01/18 01:17 AM Re: January 1st, 2018 Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75353
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, have a fantastic day with your son! How wonderful!

Happy New Year everyone! It's going to be -4 when I go to work tomorrow. That God I love my job! lol12

Ana wave12
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1137043 - 01/01/18 02:49 AM Re: January 1st, 2018 Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7728
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have fun with your son and his girlfriend, Joe. wave12

Hope you're staying warm, Ana! shiver

It's Sunday night/Monday morning here. For the new year, I stayed up and played Dreamfall Chapters, so it was the last game I played last year and the first I played this year. lol12 No plans for tomorrow, except to stay in and be warm. grin12

newyear everyone! presents12

tree
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

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#1137046 - 01/01/18 03:43 AM Re: January 1st, 2018 Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Lex Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 8139
Loc: Isle of Man
Well, the next batch of home-made mince pies is good to go with the coffee, so breakfast today will be a repeat of Christmas Day...too bad it's back to work tomorrow! newyear
_________________________
Life is what happens while you're making other plans.


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#1137058 - 01/01/18 05:41 AM Re: January 1st, 2018 Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22789
Loc: Marlborough USA
newyear Happy New Year everyone! newyear Joe enjoy your day with your son! Ana stay in and stay warm today! Relax! Venus how about some kitty play time too! Lex sounds good to me. Mince pie was my Mom's favorite.
Strong coffee, hot tea, and hot chocolate are ready to start the 1st day of the new year!
Happy New Year! holidays
_________________________
Gerry

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#1137067 - 01/01/18 07:48 AM Re: January 1st, 2018 Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10255
Loc: winter springs fl.
newyear everyone, have a Wonderful day. I'm going to the Eagles to watch the UCF game, Go Knights. yay12 They are talking about possible snow flurries later this week. winter Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. holidays
_________________________
Connie

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#1137081 - 01/01/18 09:53 AM Re: January 1st, 2018 Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75353
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Well it's -11 here and I'll be off to work shortly. eek12 -40 windchill. I only have two pups, a hamster and fish to take care of today so at least half are indoors!

Have a happy day all!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1137093 - 01/01/18 10:14 AM Re: January 1st, 2018 Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Draclvr Online   content
Hints & Glitches forum Moderator
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 13229
Loc: In Missouri near St. Louis
I was thinking about you, Ana! If it's -6° here, it HAD to be colder up there! Of course, where I'm from in the far corner of NW Iowa, it was -28° last night. Hope everyone has a wonderful start to the New Year. We are heading into town for a Steak and Bloody Mary breakfast at our American Legion. The guys were saying they laughed at the weather because they are "Extreme Grillers!" However, I believe there was a lot of alcohol involved at that point!

Happy New Year, Gameboomers!
_________________________
Heading out to the gardens...

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#1137096 - 01/01/18 10:27 AM Re: January 1st, 2018 Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47570
Loc: Alabama
Happy New Year everyone!

It's cold in AL...not even going to break freezing today, which doesn't happen very often. Course, I know that is downright warm compared to what some of you guys have at the moment!

We will be watching Bowl Games, and the Rose Parade, of course. wavegirl
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1137099 - 01/01/18 10:39 AM Re: January 1st, 2018 Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Happy New Year Everybody!

Wishing everyone the best day! holidays
_________________________
Gail

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#1137106 - 01/01/18 12:00 PM Re: January 1st, 2018 Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9561
Loc: San Diego, CA
Happy January 1st to all! I'm planning on not going anywhere to day since California just legalized Pot and it's like a giant celebration everywhere around here. We have SIX dispensaries in 2 blocks right around my house. Nope, I'm wrong, we have 8. Two that closed, were reopened last week. I can hardly wait for everyone to exercise their new rights. Just hope they don't exercise them too close to me. I sneeze around Pot. Yup.
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#1137115 - 01/01/18 01:05 PM Re: January 1st, 2018 Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 27722
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
newyear Happy New Year Diner Gang

Rang in the new year with son, grandsons and WOM last night. We started Star Wars Episode IV, timed just after 10pm, to watch Luke Skywalker blow the Death-star at 00:00 midnight last night. Has become a family tradition for us :)

Bowl games, gaming, music, gardening...oh my but what a full day today will be!

Also enjoying winder weather chill (below freezing) all day with a fire.

shiver

Happy New Year!
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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#1137153 - 01/01/18 06:10 PM Re: January 1st, 2018 Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10255
Loc: winter springs fl.
newyear I'm so proud of our UCF Knights. From an o and 12 season to a 12 and o season, and a Peach Bowl win. rah Thank you players and Coach Frost. Couch Frost you will be missed, but good luck in Nebraska. newyear
_________________________
Connie

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#1137159 - 01/01/18 09:16 PM Re: January 1st, 2018 Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75353
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Interesting day today. Despite the -12 degrees I took a walk at the lake after work and saw an animal lying on the ice in the middle of the lake. It didn't seem right so I started making my way to it and discovered it was a goose that wasn't well. I had to go all the way back to my car and get a towel and then came back for it. I had to chase it awhile but when I finally caught it and held it, it calmed down. I drove it to a rehab place 45 minutes away. My 20 minute walk I intended, turned into a few hour chilly ordeal, but at least the goose is in good hands.

And how was your day?
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1137160 - 01/01/18 09:22 PM Re: January 1st, 2018 Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9561
Loc: San Diego, CA
Kudos to you Ana! I thought I was the only one who would go out of their way to help our animal friends. Hope the goose survives.

I remember being in Hawaii on vacation many moons ago, when a dog fell out of the bed of a pick up truck and the 'owner' didn't even stop. He never came back, but I and my hubby stopped traffic, corralled the poor dazed dog and passed it off to another concerned citizen. Poor doggie. We were on a remote road, didn't know the area, had no idea what to do with a big dog in a rental car. We never knew if the owner discovered the dog was missing. headscratch

Keep up the good work. The world will be better for your efforts. rah
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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