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#1136919 - 12/30/17 07:46 PM Sip and Surf Sunday
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32222
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

~Mark Twain~
````````````

A carpet layer had justfinished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.
In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.

"No sense pulling up the entirefloor for one pack of smokes," he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway."

"Now," she said, "if only I could find my parakeet. "

```````````

A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.

"Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"

"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."

"You sell them here?" the customer asks.

"Only $4 apiece," says Green.

The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.

"You didn't eat enough, " says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.

"Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!"

"You see?" says Green. "You're getting smarter already!"

`````````

It was opening night at the theatre and the Amazing Claude

was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see

the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage,

he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two

or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance,

I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a

beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. I want you each

to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch.

It's been in my family for six generations." He began to swing

the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch

the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...." The crowd

became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light

gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes

followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the

hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a

hundred pieces. "S--t!" said the hypnotist.


It took three weeks to clean up the theater.

````````````

An old Italian woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City office building.

A young and beautiful woman, smelling like expensive perfume, gets into the elevator. She turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"

A couple of floors later, another young and beautiful woman, smelling like expensive perfume, gets into the elevator. She turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"

Three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destination. As she exits the elevator, she peers at both women, bends over and passes gas, then bellows, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound!"

`````````````

A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin.

"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."

"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."

`````````````

An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him. "Sir, what is the secret of your long life?"

The man considered this for a moment, then replied, "Every day at 9 PM I have a glass of port. Good for the heart I've heard."

The reporter replied, "That's ALL?"

The man smiled, "That, and canceling my voyage on the Titanic."

`````````````

There were once two people travelling on a train, a scientist and a poet, who were riding in the same compartment. They had never met before, so naturally, there wasn't much conversation between the two.
The poet was minding his own business, looking out the window at the beauty of the passing terrain. The scientist was very uptight, trying to think of things he didn't know so he could try to figure them out.

Finally, the scientist was so bored, that he said to the poet, "Hey, do you want to play a game?"

The poet, being content with what he was doing, ignored him and continued looking out the window, humming quietly to himself. This infuriated the scientist, who irritably asked again, "Hey, you, do you want to play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you give me $5. Then, YOU ask ME a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give YOU $5."

The poet thought about this for a moment, but he decided against it, seeing that the scientist was obviously a very bright man. He politely turned down the scientist's offer.

The scientist, who, by this time was going mad, tried a final time. "Look, I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask ME a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50!"

Now, the poet was not that smart academically, but he wasn't totally stupid. He readily accepted the offer. "Okay," the scientist said, "what is the EXACT distance between the Earth and the Moon?"

The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn't stop to think about the scientist's question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to the scientist. The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly said, "Okay, now it's your turn."

The poet thought about this for a few minutes, then asked, "All right, what goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?" The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist's face. He thought about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous calculations. He finally gave up on his notepad and took out his laptop, using his Multimedia Encyclopedia.

After about an hour of this, the poet quietly watching the mountains of Colorado go by the whole time, the scientist FINALLY gave up. He reluctantly handed the poet a $50 bill. The poet accepted it graciously, turning back to the window.

"Wait!" the scientist shouted. "You can't do this to me! What's the answer??"

The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put another $5 bill into his hand.

````````

Good morning everyboomie. santadance


We're half way through the weekend now. hamster


Don't you fret one bit though. You know Monday will be here before you know it. wink12


I can't wait. razz12


Have a happy day everyone. yay12


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1136920 - 12/30/17 09:47 PM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75497
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Happy New Years Eve! Anyone celebrating? I'll be out with our usual 3 other couples we hang out with. WE will have game night at home till midnight and then call it a night.

It's -30 below windchill all day yesterday and I stayed in and gamed. Bad enough I have to be out in it all week for work, I am in hibernation mode now.

Ana wave12
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1136939 - 12/31/17 04:18 AM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7796
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a great New Year's Eve Joe, Ana and all who follow. wave12

It's very late Saturday night/early Sunday morning here. I stayed up way too late playing the final cut version of Dreamfall Chapters. I got way too involved and didn't realize it was so late. rolleyes12 It's a good thing I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow. lol12

No plans for the New Year. Thorsgoats and I may play some of the newest Walking Dead game, as he hasn't played it in full yet. It's not as good as the other two, but it's fun for what it is.

Okay, I'm off to sleep. Have a very Happy New Year, everyone! reindeer

tree


Edited by venus (12/31/17 04:19 AM)
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

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#1136941 - 12/31/17 05:50 AM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22861
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and everyone. Another bitter cold start to the day. It's only 5 degrees! Going to stay home for New Year's Eve. Hubby and I are working on a 2,000 piece puzzle so that will keep us busy! Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready!

happydance12 Wishing everyone a Happy New Year! happydance12
_________________________
Gerry

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#1136945 - 12/31/17 07:36 AM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10287
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful New Year's Eve. Breakfast out and some shopping. I will go to the Eagles tonight to usher in the New Year. reindeer Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, Sausage, Ham, Biscuits and Gravy, and French Toast in the NC. happydance12
_________________________
Connie

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#1136962 - 12/31/17 10:10 AM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47626
Loc: Alabama
Happy Last Day of 2017, or First day of 2018 if you are in that part of the world puppy

I'ts cold out there...well, cold for me. We are hanging with Son and g'sons. Wishing you all a wonderful day. wavegirl
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1136970 - 12/31/17 12:46 PM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Trail_Mystic Offline
Dragon Breath - Darkside Moderator
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/12/04
Posts: 6152
Loc: Wisconsin
Happy New Years Eve to all grin12

We've got a cold one going up here too Ana. This whole week is going to be a cold one; we won't break 10 above and the evenings are all predicted to be between -5 and -15 Brrrrrrrrrrrr! winter Not much wind here for a change, wind chills are bearable (-10) but that won't last long. The cold nights do make for some spectacular star gazing though thumbsup12

TM
_________________________
"L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux."

What is essential is invisible to the eyes.

The Foxes Secret from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupéry




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#1136974 - 12/31/17 01:56 PM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
family Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 3397
Loc: marietta,georgia
waiting for my seapack barbie and finding someone to put my dollhouses together.

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#1136978 - 12/31/17 02:02 PM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Happy New Years Eve!

Wishing everyone a wonderful last day to the year! holidays
_________________________
Gail

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#1137028 - 12/31/17 09:57 PM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47626
Loc: Alabama
Trail, that sounds too cold to be outside. Enjoy :brrrrrrrr:

Family, I hope you find someone.

Gail wavegirl
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1137041 - 01/01/18 02:45 AM Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7796
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep12
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

Top

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