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#1137231 - 01/02/18 06:35 PM Happy Hump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32005
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.

~Helen Keller~
``````````````

An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses' office and informed Nurse Jones that his [blip] died.
Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him. "It did? I'm sorry to hear that," she replied.
Two days later, Mr. Smith was walking down the halls at the nursing home with his [blip] hanging outside his pants.
Nurse Jones saw him and said "Mr. Smith! I thought you told me your [blip] died". "It did" he replied; "Today is the viewing."

``````````

A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"

"I was thinking about my own funeral," the man replied.

"What's so funny about that?"

"I'm a gynecologist."

````````

Chinese Wisdom, translated

Virginity like bubble, one prick - all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.?

Man who run behind car get exhausted.?

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.?

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.?

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.?

Man with one chopstick go hungry.?

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.?

Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.?

War does not determine who is right; war determine who is left.?

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.?

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.?

It take many nails to build crib, only one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there.?

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.?

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.?

```````````

A preacher is buying a parrot.

"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

"I fall off my perch, idiot!" screeched the parrot.

````````````````

Donald Rumsfeld gave the president his daily briefing. He concluded by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the president exclaimed. "That's terrible!"

His staff was stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sat, his head in his hands.

Finally, the president looked up and asked, "Just how many is a brazillion?"

``````````````

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

````````````

The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds 4 envelopes. On one he finds the words "open me first," and the other three are numbered 1 to 3.

He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: "These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second, and envelope three third."

The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back, and forgets about them.

Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes, and is losing money fast.

After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the 3 envelopes. So he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for every thing".

Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved, and everybody's happy.

A few months later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads, "Blame the government for everything".

It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved.

A month later the workers declare another strike. The manager goes to the third envelope and it reads, "Prepare 4 new envelopes".

```````````````

Good morning everyboomie. santadance


Wednesday already?? grin12


I plan on spending a couple of days entertaining my guest. happydance12


I wish upon every boomer here a great big beautifully happy day. yay12


TTYL santa


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1137240 - 01/02/18 09:16 PM Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74452
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, enjoy your family time! None better! hearts

Have a happy day all! Sure has been some cold workdays! This deepfreeze can end anytime now!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1137249 - 01/02/18 10:48 PM Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7282
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a great Wednesday Joe, Ana and all who follow. wave12

It's Tuesday night, and I'm off to sleep. Work again in the morning. The holiday went by way too quickly. lol12

Have a great Wednesday, everyone. winter
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

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#1137252 - 01/02/18 11:10 PM Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74452
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
birthday Sorta! Cake in the corner!

Venus, the holidays sure did fly by!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1137267 - 01/03/18 06:01 AM Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Online   happy
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22408
Loc: Marlborough USA
winter Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and everyone. It's going to be another very cold day today! Tomorrow we are expecting 10 inches of snow! Big storm coming our way with gusty winds making it feel well below zero! I just hope we don't loose power!
Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready. winter
Wishing you all a wonderful day! happydance12
_________________________
Gerry

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#1137279 - 01/03/18 07:56 AM Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10024
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Hump Day. birthday Sorta, Birthday Cupcakes in the NC. Queen of Hearts at the Eagles tonight. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Oatmeal, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. winter
_________________________
Connie

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#1137293 - 01/03/18 08:42 AM Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18224
Loc: Massachusetts
Morning Boomers penguin

Joe, have a great day today!

Ana, enjoy you day.

Venus, happy work day.

Gerry, cold, and not good weather coming tomorrow. winter

Connie, enjoy your night out.

Sorta birthday

Cold, bad snow day tomorrow with winds too. Wishing everyone a great day today. eek12
_________________________
Gail

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#1137318 - 01/03/18 10:59 AM Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10024
Loc: winter springs fl.
It's 37 with 25 mile winds, it was 54 at 6:30 this morning. winter It is also raining, could have snow later. winter
_________________________
Connie

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#1137322 - 01/03/18 11:31 AM Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9420
Loc: San Diego, CA
Thanks for the naughty corner cupcakes guys! I'm hoping they are Devil's Food, right?
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#1137326 - 01/03/18 12:22 PM Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47303
Loc: Alabama
I woke up to the "S" word, though it didn't stick. The sun has found us, but it remains cold (30's).

Today is cook-the-books day. It's the first semi-quiet day I've had in weeks, so gotta get it done!

Sorta, Of course they are Devil's Food. birthday

wavegirl
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1137371 - 01/03/18 07:58 PM Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 26890
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Howdy Hello everyone laugh

I survived the work day and now it's time to get er done here at home :wink:

Wishing you all a quiet evening!

wave2
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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#1137395 - 01/03/18 11:20 PM Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7282
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

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