The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward.
~Amelia Earhart~
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A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded, dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are rude, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."
"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel - it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke to me."
"Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"
"He said, 'Who gave you such a lousy haircut?'"
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A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say,..."
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
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A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
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An American tourist visited a small town in Spain.
The residents had never seen an American before, so he was treated as an honoured guest at the hotel.
Dinning for the first night, he asked the waiter what he recommended for dinner.
He suggested the "cojones".
The tourist asked what they were and the waiter replied, "Those are the testicles of the bull killed in the ring today."
He was shocked but agreed to try them after being assured it was a delicacy reserved only for special guests.
The tourist found them to be very tasty.
The next night he again ordered them for dinner.
The waiter complied but somewhat reluctantly.
The tourist again found them to be very tasty but asked the waiter why they were so much smaller than before.
The waiter said, "You see, Senor, sometimes it is the bull that wins!"
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A man suspected his wife of seeing another man.
So, he hired a famous chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that might develop.
A few days later, he recieved this report:
Most honorable sir:
You leave house.
He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree-look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he. He play with she. She play with he.
I play with me. Fall out of tree, not see.
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The girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible
for her college class and the instructions were that it had to discuss Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.
She was the only one who received
an A+ and this is what she wrote:
Good God, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?
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The lookout aboard a clipper ship spots a pirate ship approaching, and yells down to the captain. The captain orders the bosun to bring his red shirt. The captain puts on his red shirt, and successfully leads his crew in fighting off the pirates. The next day, the lookout spots TWO pirate ships approaching. He yells to the captain, who again orders the bosun to bring his red shirt. The captain again wears the red shirt as they successfully repel the pirates. After the battle the bosun asks, "Captain, why do you always wear the red shirt in battle?" The captain replies, "Because, if I am wounded, the crew will not see the blood and lose their courage." The next day the lookout spots SIX pirate ships approaching and yells to the captain. Anticipating the order, the bosun immediately brings the red shirt. "To heck with that!" says the captain. "Bring me my brown pants!"
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Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe.
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Good morning everyboomie.
You know, spell check had a problem with amolst ervy wrod in taht lsat jkoe.
IT'S FRIDAY!!
Hope it's a warmer day.
Today we we're supposed to get to 61 degrees. I looked at the thermometer and it said 59 degrees, so I took the dogs parking, but it was so windy because of a cold front moving in, and the temperature had already started to fall, and it felt like about 35 degrees at the park. I was in my shorts.
Right now it's 32 degrees, and the wind chill is 14 degrees.
That's a bit nippy for these parts, and by that I mean any part of my body that's exposed.
I hope things are sunny and warm where you are.......and that you save a spot for me.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe