I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.
~Martin Luther King, Jr.~
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Here are some funny resume mistakes:“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”
“Education: College, August 1880- May 1984.”
“Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.”
“Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.”
“I’m a rabid typist.”
“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.”
Reasons for Leaving your Previous Job:
“Responsibility makes me nervous.”
“They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”
“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”
“Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.”
“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
“The company made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous employers.”
Personal Qualities
“I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs.”
“I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”
“Number of dependents: 40.”
“Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”
“I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award”
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A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. For a quiz, she gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.
It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first grade kids (6 or 7 year-olds)!* Strike while the ………insect is close.
* Never underestimate the power of…………ants.
* Don’t bite the hand that………………..looks dirty.
* Better to be safe than…………….punch a grade 7 boy.
* If you lie down with dogs, you’ll…….stink in the morning.
* It’s always darkest before…………Daylight Saving Time.
* You can lead a horse to water but………..how?
* No news is…………………………….impossible.
* A miss is as good as a………………….Mr.
* You can’t teach an old dog new…………..maths.
* Love all, trust………………………..me.
* The pen is mightier than the…………….pigs.
* An idle mind is…………………the best way to relax.
* Where there’s smoke there’s……………..pollution.
* Happy the bride who……………gets all the presents.
* A penny saved is……………………….not much.
* Two’s company, three’s…………………the Musketeers.
* Don’t put off till tomorrow what….you put on to go to bed.
* Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and……….you have to blow your nose.
* There are none so blind as………………Stevie Wonder.
* Children should be seen and not………….smacked or grounded.
* If at first you don’t succeed……………get new batteries.
* You get out of something only what you……see in the picture on the box.
* When the blind leadeth the blind……..get out of the way.
* And the favorite:* Better late than……………………….pregnant
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Here are some funny newspaper headlines:Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
House passes gas tax onto senate
Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
William Kelly was fed secretary
Milk drinkers are turning to powder
Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
Farmer bill dies in house
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Good morning everyboomie.
Is the weekend here yet?
I'm looking at 3 frigid days coming up, where I probably won't even get out of the house, except MAYBE to take Missy to the park, but when we went today, we didn't get a quarter way around it before she wanted me to carry her.
I did make a trip to Walmart today, and then to the car wash, and then back home to put the goods away, and then vacuum out my truck.
Got a lot of house cleaning to do this week, since it looks like I'm not going to be able to put it off until Spring, when you're supposed to do all that cleaning do do.
Missy may get to see her first snow tomorrow, IF it snows tonight. They're saying maybe an inch if it. Woo Hoo!
Have a happy day everyone.
joe