I am not very proud of being an human being; in fact, I distinctly dislike the species in many ways. I can readily conceive of beings vastly superior in every respect.
~H. P. Lovecraft~
`````````````````
Q. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A. In case he got a hole in one.
``````````
Q. Did you hear the one about the astronaut who stepped in gum?
A. He got stuck in Orbit.
````````
Q. What does Earth say to tease the other planets?
A. "You guys have no life."
````````
Q. How do Earth, Saturn, and Neptune organize a party?
A. They planet.
`````````
In 1905, Albert Einstein published a theory about space.
And it was about time.
`````````
Q. Where do astronauts like to party?
A. The space bar.
````````````
Q. What do visitors to the International Space Station have to do before boarding?
A. Pay the parking meteor.
`````````
Q. How much room does a fungus need to grow?
A. As mushroom as possible.
`````````````
Q. What did the astronomer's friends do after he didn't win the Nobel Prize?
A. They gave him a constellation prize.
``````````
An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. "You've got to be kidding," he said. "I'm almost 60 years old." The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license. The guy showed his ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep the change. "The tip's for carding me," he said. The bartender put the change in the tip cup. "Thanks," he said. "Works every time."
`````````
The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Even his son turned up.
“How old are you?” a tenant asked.
“I’m 81 years old,” he answered.
The tenant shook her head. “They sure grow up fast, don’t they?”
````````
Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four
elderly women. The Week asked its readers for titles of crime movies that could be made about this bust:
Golden Girls, Interrupted
The Lavender Hair Mob
Indicting Miss Daisy
No Country for Old Women
The Social Security Network
``````````
When a soldier came to the
clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an
attractive, young technician. Sometime later, when the examination
was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. The soldier remarked, “How long was
I in there for?”
`````````
After trick-or-treating,
a teen takes a shortcut home
through the cemetery. Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots
an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.
“I thought you were a ghost,”
says the relieved teen. “What are you
doing working so late?”
“Oh, those idiots,” grumbles the old man. “They misspelled my name!”
```````````
While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi.
“It’s taped under the modem,”
I told him.
After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”
``````````
“What’s a hipster?” asked my four-year-old cousin.
“Someone who will wear something just to look different,” I said. “They’ll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses.”
“Is Grandma a hipster?” he asked.
```````````````
In the hardware store, a
clerk asked, “Can I help you find
anything?”
“How about my misspent youth,” joked my husband.
The clerk shot back, “We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.”
``````````
A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out. “Please, Señora,” the poor man pleads, “I haven't eaten all day.”
“Good,” says the grandmother. “Now you won't have to worry about cramps when you go for a swim.”
`````````
A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, “All that bull does is eat grass. Won’t even look at a cow.”
“Take him to the vet,” his friend suggested.
The next week, John is much happier. “The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows!” he told his pal. “Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbor’s cows! He’s like a machine!”
“What kind of pills were they?” asked the friend.
“I don’t know, but they’ve got a peppermint taste.”
````````````
Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.
“Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.”
“But Larry’s still alive.”
“I know, but his hair is gone.”
```````````
While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,” he assured them.
Dad wasn’t sold: “Unless you’re including a periscope with my casket, I don’t know how I’m going to enjoy it.”
```````````
Good morning everyboomie.
It's Friday, and thank goodness for that!
Thursday was overcast most of the day, and windy, but it got up to like 75 degrees.
It is still 73 degrees right now.
We're going back to 49 degrees for Friday.
Ah well, it was nice while it lasted.
My friend brought Beau back over here today, so she could get away from it all for a few days at the casino.
So it's Missy, Beau, and myself for the weekend. We need a fourth to play hearts.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
However, tomorrow should be much shorter. Four stores to visit, but they are all quick stops, and then I should have plenty of time to practice when I get home. 
Hopefully, it will be enough for my voice lesson on Saturday.
Soot congrats on making it to #6!! 
Ana enjoy your day. 
Gail thinking of you as well every day. 
Take care. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
