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Happy Hump Day #1143145
02/27/18 09:17 PM
02/27/18 09:17 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.

~Abraham Lincoln~
`````````````````

Doctor: "I am not exactly sure of the cause. I think it could be due to alcohol."
Patient: "That's okay. I'll come back when you are sober."

```````

Lady: "Is this my train?"
Station Master: "No, it belongs to the railway company."
Lady: "Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New York."
Station Master: "No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy."

`````````

A man got in a car accident with a dwarf, who got out of his car and said, "I'm not happy!" The man replied, "Well, which one are you?"

```````

Q: Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
A: He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

``````````

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on the front of his pants. The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel?" The pirate says, "Arrrr! It drives me nuts!"

````````

A man is at the bar, blind drunk. Some of the customers decide to be good Samaritans and get him home. They pick him up off the floor and drag him out of the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car, and he falls down four more times. They ring the doorbell and a woman answers. “Here’s your husband!” “Thanks,” says the man’s wife. “What did you do with his wheelchair?”

`````````

A guy accidentally dropped $2 in the toilet and thought, "It's not worth putting my hand in the toilet for only $2," so then he dropped a $50 bill in the toilet on purpose and thought, "Now it's worth it."

`````````

Two judges were stumbling home from their local pub, arms around each other, loudly singing Kenny Rodgers. "Hey," said one, "I think we're drunk." "You are right, and according to the law I will have to charge you with being drunk and disorderly," said his mate. "And you will have to appear before me at 10AM tomorrow," said the first. Next morning in court, the first pleaded guilty to the charge and was fined $10. They then switched places. "Drunk and disorderly, eh? You are fined $20." "Hey," protested the first, "When I was in was in chair I only fined you $10!" "Yes," said the second judge, "But the offense is becoming too common. You are the second drunk to appear before the court this morning."

`````````

A doctor walks into a room full of patients at a mental institution, takes out a pen, and draws a door on the wall. He then tells all the patients that whoever wants to escape, should use that door. Immediately they all rush towards it, but of course cannot go through. However, one patient sits still in the back with a smile on his face. He has not moved at all. The doctor thinks he must be cured. He then asks the patient why he did not rush to the door, and the patient whispers, "They don't know that I'm the one who has the key."

`````

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. The first says to the second, "I think I've lost an electron." The second replies, "Are you sure?" to which the first retorts, "Yes, I'm positive."

````````

A ham sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve lunch here."

``````

A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He asks the bartender for a beer, and one for the road.

`````````

I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

`````````

A mentally challenged man walks up to this guy and asks, "Can you help me? I'm trying to spell the word 'orange.'" The guy responds, "What a retard, didn't your mom teach you?" The man answers, "No." "Ever?" says the guy. "No," responds the mentally challenged man. The guy responds, "Okay, which one are you trying to spell, the color or the fruit?"

`````````

The "Buffalo Theory" of beer. A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and that's why beer is so good for you!

```````````

Good morning everyboomie. yay


Hump Day already? woot


We had lots of rain fall today. It fell down, and piled up. razz


It didn't start till about 2:30, but it didn't stop till about 5:30. yay


We may get a little more tomorrow, not sure. 60% chance though. yes


Hopefully something's getting washed up. hamster


I think I need to wear snow shoes to walk in my yard and not sink. It's so wet and spongy. snicker


Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1143151
02/27/18 11:43 PM
02/27/18 11:43 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I hope that it's enough rain to wash up lots of points. Do you still go to the sod farm?

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1143157
02/28/18 12:21 AM
02/28/18 12:21 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a terrific day Joe, Ana and all who follow. wave

It's Tuesday night, and it's time for me to go to sleep. Work again in the morning.

Have a great Wednesday, everyone. winter


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1143164
02/28/18 05:10 AM
02/28/18 05:10 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and everyone. Joe you are to funny! Ana enjoy your day. Venus hope your work day flies by! Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
Wishing you all a Great Day! wave


Gerry
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1143176
02/28/18 08:26 AM
02/28/18 08:26 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Super Hump Day. Queen of Hearts at the Eagles tonight. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. wave2


Connie
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1143177
02/28/18 08:54 AM
02/28/18 08:54 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
What day is it Mike?

What day is it Mike?

That's right Joe ... it's Hump Day ... great idea about the snow shoes yes

Good morning Joe Ana Venus Gerry and Connie

I think we have more rain coming our way too Joe .. rain is good, unless of course it floods and then it's not

You and me both Venus ... hope you day is good

Have fun tonight Connie

See you in the Garden Gerry

Have a great day everyone ... coffee and a Danish to go please

wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1143203
02/28/18 11:52 AM
02/28/18 11:52 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Happy Hump Day ya'll puppy

It's a beautiful day here. I think the rain gets here tomorrow. Not sure what the day has in store...some laundry, some chores, and ....? wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1143233
02/28/18 07:35 PM
02/28/18 07:35 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
woot

Home again

Home again

Whoopity Do

Time for some Gardening and Gaming too

wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1143248
02/28/18 10:53 PM
02/28/18 10:53 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Nighty night...


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1143251
02/28/18 11:02 PM
02/28/18 11:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Night guys, sweet dreams


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1143263
03/01/18 01:22 AM
03/01/18 01:22 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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