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#1143342 - 03/01/18 08:23 PM TGIF
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32412
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

~Mark Twain~
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Q: Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
A: He decided to stick it out for one more year!

``````````

Little Johnny walked in on his parents and saw them doing it. He asked his dad what he was doing to his mom. His dad said, "Go back to sleep, we're making you a little brother." In the morning, the dad was walking to his car when he saw Johnny banging the exhaust pipe and asked Johnny what he was doing. Johnny said, "I'm making myself a little car."

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Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.

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I got in a fight one time with a really big tough guy who said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

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A teacher asked three students what causes war. The first student said, "Knives." The second one said, "Guns." The third one drew a dot on the board. The teacher asked, "What's that?" The student replied, "A period." The teacher asked "How does a period cause war?" The student replied, "If my sister misses one, my mom will kill her."

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A man goes skydiving. After a fantastic free fall, he pulls the rip cord to open his parachute but nothing happens. He tries everything but can't get it open. Just then another man flies by him, going up. The skydiver yells, "Hey, you know anything about parachutes?" The man replies, "No, you know anything about dynamite?"

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When characters in the movies go underwater, I like to hold my breath to see how long I can last. I almost died in Finding Nemo.

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It is 2:00 am. There are a half dozen empty vodka bottles lying on the dimly-lit street. Two men standing in the middle of street have been arguing that the other man is more drunk. Finally, one man said to the other, “If you are not drunk, then climb up this column," pointing to the vertical beam of light that the flashlight in this right hand makes. Thinking a bit, the other man stuttered, “I am not that stupid. If I climb up to the top and you turn off the light, I will fall to my death!”

``````````

You might be a redneck if your home has more miles on it than your car.

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A Fiat 500 pulled alongside a Rolls-Royce at a traffic light. "Do you have a car phone?" asked the driver of the Fiat. "Of course I do," replied the haughty deluxe-car driver. "Well, do you have a fax machine?" The driver of the Rolls sighed, "I have that too." "Then do you have a double bed in the trunk?" the Fiat driver wanted to know. Embarrassed, the Rolls driver sped off. That afternoon, he ordered a mechanic to install a double bed in the trunk. A week later the Rolls driver passed the same Fiat 500 parked on the side of the road with the back windows fogged up and steam pouring out. The arrogant driver pulls over, gets out of the Rolls, and bangs on the Fiat's back window until the driver sticks his head out. "I wanted to tell you I have a double bed installed," says the proud Rolls driver. The Fiat driver is unimpressed, "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!"

````````````

An old lady was knitting & speeding down the highway. A cop pulled up alongside her vehicle & yelled, "Pull over!" She yelled back, "No, they're mittens!"

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A film crew was filming in the highlands in Scotland when an old Gaelic seer came hobbling by and said, "Tomorrow rain," and hobbled on. Sure enough it rained the very next day. Again he hobbled past and said, "Tomorrow sunshine." It was indeed a fine sunny day the next day. The director was mighty impressed and got the crew to hire him and every day the wise old sage predicted accurately what the weather would be. But after a couple of weeks the old man didn't show up and eventually the director found him in a bothy and said, "Hey, we need your predictions, why aren't you showing up?" "Radio's broken," the old man replied.

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Two guys are walking down a dark alley when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. Both scared, they pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then, one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill and says, "Hey, here's that twenty dollars I owe you."

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A friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move a body.

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One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are okay, then it must be you. - the late George Carlin

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Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says, "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

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Signs you might be a redneck: You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. You think taking out the trash means taking your in-laws to a movie.

``````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Welcome to Friday, the one and only.......................................this week. yay


Today down here ended up being overcast all morning, and we got a lot more rain last night before I went to bed, so I decided not to try going to the sod farm today. smirk


It's still soggy to the max. razz


It was a nice warm day here however. Beau came over for the day, and we all went parking this afternoon.


Friday morning I get to go down Texas way to the VA, for labs. That means up early, and no breakfast. tantrum


I'm sure that I'll grace McDonald's, or Denny's with my presence just as soon as I finish donating blood. happydance


Then, I get to go back and see the doc next Friday, for our semi-annual rendezvous. hug


Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup


joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (03/01/18 08:27 PM)
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1143346 - 03/01/18 11:42 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Happy Birthday BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 76343
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good luck at the docs, Joe! Do you have Beau for the weekend?

TGIF!! I need the weekend badly!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1143351 - 03/02/18 12:30 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 8189
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a great day Joe, Ana and all who follow. wave

It's late Thursday night for me, and I'm late for bed. Just a short, running post tonight, as I have to sleep. grin

Have a fantastic Friday, everyone. winter


Edited by venus (03/02/18 12:30 AM)
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

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#1143359 - 03/02/18 04:10 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 23258
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and everyone. Joe good luck at the doctor appt today. Ana wishing you a stress free day! Venus sleep well. We are in for a very stormy day today. Rain, snow and winds that could gust over 60mpr. Hopefully we don't lose power. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
Wishing you all a Happy Day! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#1143367 - 03/02/18 07:38 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10551
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful TGIF. Dinner and Karaoke with friends tonight. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. wave2
_________________________
Connie

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#1143429 - 03/02/18 06:30 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 28619
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
joy TGIF everyone

Hope you had a great and safe trip today Joe laugh

You and me both Ana ... my favorite part of the week ... my favorite day of the week is today

Hope you got a good night's sleep Venus

I hope you kept power Gerry eek

Have fun tonight Connie

It's time for some Gardening, music and then gaming with WOM

Have a super evening everyone

I'll have a cuppa and French Toast in the NC this afternoon

wave2
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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#1143453 - 03/02/18 10:35 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Happy Birthday BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 76343
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Nighty night all! Long day!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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