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#1143445 - 03/02/18 08:50 PM Saturdiner
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32408
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
One of the secrets of life is that all that is really worth the doing is what we do for others.

~Lewis Carroll~
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Have you ever noticed how humans are a lot like lemmings? Try standing at a crosswalk, and then before the light even turns green, take a step and see how many people actually step out along with you. And how when you are waiting with a crowd outside a locked business, there is always one person that comes along, pushes through the crowd and tries the locked door. As if everyone was just standing there for fun! Come on people!

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A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has, getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?" "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

`````````

A guy embezzled money from his company and was about to jump off a bridge, when an old hag appeared and told him she was a witch, and would put the money back if he would sleep with her. He did, and was ready to go back to work, believing his problems were solved, when the old hag who was in bed smoking a cigarette asked him, “Sonny, aren’t you too old to believe in witches?”

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A priest, a nun and a hooker walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, a joke?"

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A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful. "Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender. "Who gave those beauties to you?" "Nobody gave them to me," said Sam. "I had to fight them."

``````````

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate... what is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?" "Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

```````````

Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."

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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie. "Tie me up," she purred, "And you can do anything you want." So he tied her up then went golfing.

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A Giants fan, a Padre fan, and a Dodger fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Padre fan insists he's the most loyal. "This is for San Diego!" he yells and jumps off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Giants fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for San Francisco!" and pushes the Dodger fan off the mountain.

```````````

The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?" The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

````````

Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to a football game. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so. "I think so, too," said Mabel. "Let's go!" They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half. They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed. Then came the second half. When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister. "I guess we can go home now, Mabel," she said. "This is where we came in."

`````````

Welcome to the weekend everyboomie!! yay


Man I had to go through about 20 pages of mindless jokes to find these few. Hope you enjoy them. rolleyes


We had a great day here, It was cool in the morning as I drove down to Texas, but it warmed up very nicely. hamster


Took Missy to the park later, and then just enjoyed the day. yes


I think Saturday I'll go out to the sod farm, and then Sunday we're supposed to have more rain, so it may be a few more days before I get to the creek. woot


It's 54 degrees outside right now, and I've still got my storm door propped open. bravo


I hope you all have a super day. happydance


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1143449 - 03/02/18 09:57 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 76327
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I appreciate you opening the diner day, day out. I don't come for the jokes, I come for you and the other members. No pressure ever if you don't feel like posting jokes and just want to say good morning! hearts

It's my annual sister day. Can't wait!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1143472 - 03/03/18 04:23 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 23251
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. I'm with Ana. Joe I come to the diner for you and all my GB friends. It's a great place to stay in touch. Good Luck at the sod farm. Ana have fun with your sister. Coffee, tea, and hot chocolate are ready. We didn't lose power yesterday thank goodness. Still very windy.
wave Wishing everyone a Happy Day! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#1143479 - 03/03/18 07:58 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10542
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Saturday. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. wave2
_________________________
Connie

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#1143491 - 03/03/18 10:17 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 28612
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Oh my but it sounds like a wonderful day with cooler weather

I hope the sod farm is fun and profitable for you Joe

Hmmm, annual sister day sounds fun Ana...enjoy!!!

woot Glad you didn't lose your power Gerry!!

wishing you a great Saturday too Connie

I am off to start a wonderful Saturday with some shopping and recycling...and then start raking leaves which will last quite some weeks...burning not allowed.

Have a Super Saturday everybody

See you later

wave2
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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#1143497 - 03/03/18 10:44 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47805
Loc: Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll puppy

Bread starter is fed. Now have to wait a bit til I can actually make the bread.

It's a beautiful cool day out there.....windows actually closed because it's too cool to have them open happydance

Joe, luck at the sod farm.

Ana, have fun with your sister.

Gerry, glad your power stayed on. Enjoy the day.

Connie, thanks for the hashbrowns. Have fun today whatever you do.

Soot kissy
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1143501 - 03/03/18 11:21 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9666
Loc: San Diego, CA
Lovely day here. Rained a tiny bit last night. Not even enough to wake me up, but the ground is nicely wet in most places except under the heavy pepper trees.

Going to the bank today to deposit rent money. Hooray! I can pay all my bills for the month and do a little food and necessity shopping. I have a LONG list of stuff I'm out of.

All Outdoorsies are happily munching food. Duplex from down the block already ate what he wanted and one of the 'regulars' is licking the plate.

Tenant/friend has MICE. Ugh. He saw one mousie, so I gave him 3 of those no-kill traps. He caught it after 2 days and let it go in the far back field. Then yesterday, another one scooted across the room. Either it's a family or just lucky enough to have had 2 at once. Loads of 'food' on the floors so the mice have plenty to eat. I'm thinking of a nice way to let him know he needs to clean up the place and then the mice won't be coming in for dinner. rotfl
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#1143502 - 03/03/18 11:21 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 8176
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
luck and have fun at the sod farm, Joe.

Have fun with your sister, Ana. thumbsup

Gerry, it's windy here as well. We didn't lose power, but we did lose the internet for a little while. Luckily not for too long. smile Glad you kept your power, and hope it stays that way.

Connie, thanks for the delicious breakfast. smile

Sounds like a busy Saturday, soot!

L4L, that sounds fantastic. thumbsup What kind of bread are you making?

My voice lesson was canceled today, so that means I'll just have to practice on my own instead. smile Also, since I have some time for gaming, I'm going to sneak in a game or two as well. grin

Hope everyone is having a fantastic Saturday. winter
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

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#1143509 - 03/03/18 01:31 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 28612
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Some are busy Venus and some are not ... guess it depends how motivated I gete lol

Hmmm SortaB, maybe you can catch the little guys and then sell them for pets think

Practice-Practice Venus...good for you, it's truly the way to get better at something yes

Morning chores are done...time now for afternoon projects

Have a great afternoon everyone laugh

L4L kissy
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

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#1143549 - 03/04/18 12:31 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 76327
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Great day with my sisters! Time to call it a day. Nighty night.

Ana
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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