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Monday's #1143601
03/04/18 08:44 PM
03/04/18 08:44 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.

~Winston Churchill~
```````````````````

A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”

“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie.

“I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.”

``````````

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

```````````

A man is walking in a graveyard when he hears the Third Symphony played backward. When it’s over, the Second Symphony starts playing, also backward, and then the First. “What’s going on?” he asks a cemetery worker.

“It’s Beethoven,” says the worker. “He’s decomposing.”

````````````

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “Okay, now what?”

``````````

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.

“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.

“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”

The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

````````

Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.”

Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.”

It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.”

“I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”

`````````````

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?” Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology. “You keep out of this!” she yells. “I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”

``````````````````

A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?” The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.”

```````````

Good morning everyboomie. yay


I didn't go to the creek today. Instead I stayed home and wished I had. razz


It was dark overcast all day, although we didn't get any rain, it would have been hard to see well enough down in the creek area. eek


We may get some sunshine tomorrow. woot


I spent most of the day trying to make my body as relaxed as possible, and then for the rest of it I didn't do anything at all. dance


That kinda made the whole day intolerable to Missy. taz


She'll get over it. puppy


Have a happy day everyone. wave2


joe


Last edited by gymcandy1; 03/04/18 10:06 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1143602
03/04/18 09:43 PM
03/04/18 09:43 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Monday Monday Joe ... sure do hope your day is better

In fact, I love Monday's cause I'm one day closer to the weekend yay

Another busy week at work but that's good as it makes the time fly

Have a great day everyone

wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1143603
03/04/18 11:48 PM
03/04/18 11:48 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, sounds like a relaxing day. My dogs had two runs today in order to let me get any work done.

soot, my week is a busy one too! I'm already looking forward to the weekend.

Gail, prayers going up to you! We miss you!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1143605
03/05/18 01:31 AM
03/05/18 01:31 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, that sounds pretty much like the way my cats plan their every single one of their days. lol Hope you feel nice and relaxed now. thumbsup

Soot, that's a great way to look at Mondays. lol I agree, busy days make the time fly by much more quickly.

Ana, I know what you mean. Hope your Monday flies by as well!

It's Sunday night, and I'm off to sleep for my own busy Monday. I'm looking forward to the end of the day, as the last episode of Life is Strange: Before the Storm should be available to download once I get home. It's always nice to have a new game to look forward to, and that should help get me through my day. grin

Have a fantastic Monday, everyone. winter


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1143613
03/05/18 06:05 AM
03/05/18 06:05 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, soot, Ana, venus and everyone. Joe hope the sun shines today so you can go down to the creek. Soot see you in the garden! Ana hope you aren't too busy today. Venus enjoy the game! Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready!
wave Wishing you all a great Monday! wave


Gerry
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1143618
03/05/18 08:41 AM
03/05/18 08:41 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Monday. Gail, prayers and hugs. It was 89 in Feb. and this morning it was 43. I have a meeting tonight at the Eagles. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. winter


Connie
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1143649
03/05/18 02:17 PM
03/05/18 02:17 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

I'm off to the park to wander Keoki. Rain should be rolling in soon followed by much cooler weather so gotta take advantage while I can. Then picking boys up from school this afternoon. Their dad should be able to do it the rest of the week.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1143671
03/05/18 08:08 PM
03/05/18 08:08 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Sounds a little like our weather Connie .. low 80s down to the 30s by the end of the week .. I think this might be our last cold spell but I won't be holding my breath wink

I'll have a cuppa to go tonight please

wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1143676
03/05/18 08:18 PM
03/05/18 08:18 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
We have some major sleet falling here right now, but thankfully it waited until I was on my way home from work. It was a miserable day to be out though with cold 40mph winds. The first thing I did was jump into a hot shower when I got home!

Hope you all had a great day!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1143683
03/05/18 10:01 PM
03/05/18 10:01 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Time for bed. Sweet dreams all


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1143699
03/06/18 01:06 AM
03/06/18 01:06 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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