My dream is of a place and a time where America will once again be seen as the last best hope of earth.
What did the judge ask when he went to the dentist?
“Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?”
My friend boasted he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain where Buddha actually comes from.
“Mom, don't get alarmed, but I’m at the hospital.”
“Son, please. You’ve been a surgeon there for 8 years now. Can we start our phone calls differently?”
“Little Jonny, why did you put your teddy in the freezer?”
“I would like to have a polar bear.”
Man to his wife: “Do you know what our 6 year old son wants to be once he’s big?”
Man: “A garbage man. And you know why?”
Wife: “No, why?”
Man: “He thinks they only work on Tuesdays.”
An eskimo brings his friend to his home for a visit. When they arrive, his friend asks, puzzled – “So where’s your igloo?”
“Oh no, I must’ve left the iron on…”
In a boutique:
Could I try the dress in the shop window, please?
I’m sorry madam but no. We have dressing rooms.
Mother: Eat your bread.
Child: I don’t like bread. Why do I have to eat the bread.
Mother: So you become big and strong.
Child: Why do I have to become big and strong?
Mother: So you can provide the daily bread to your family.
Child: But I don’t like bread!
The local minister sees that every morning, some apples on his tree are missing. He makes a sign:
God sees everything.
The next morning, somebody writes under it: Yes, but he’s not a snitch.
Q: How many times could old Noah go fishing?
A: Not many. He only had 2 worms.
What did one candle say to the other?
A: I'll be going out tonight.
An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his cell phone.
"Honey," she says in a worried voice, "please be careful. There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the highway."
"Oh it's worse than that," he replies, "there are hundreds of them!"
How come the barber won the race?
He took a short cut.
Good morning everyboomie.
Hump Day AGAIN??
Where do the days go? It's already March 7th!
We had a pretty decent day here except for the wind. I spent the morning doing some Spring cleaning chores.
Man it's been a long time since last Spring!
Stuff piles up around here..........like dust.
One chore I can't put off that long is buying groceries. I gotta go to Wally World tomorrrow.
Have a happy day everyone.