It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.
Two clairvoyants meet. One says to the other: “You are fine, and how am I?
Two days ago, my friend Peter ran off with my wife.”
“Oh no, how long have you been friends?”
“Since two days ago.”
What did the toilet roll complain about?
"People just keep ripping me off!"
Doctor: “You must lose weight immediately! Do not take in more than thousand calories per day!”
Mrs Mummel: “Before or after meals?”
Daddy reads some bedtime stories to make little Jonny fall asleep.
Half an hour later mommy opens the door quietly and asks: “And, is he asleep?”
Little Jonny answers: “Yes, finally.”
An employee complains to his boss, “Sorry boss, but the salary doesn’t even remotely match the effort I put into my work.”
Boss nods, “I know, but we can’t let you starve to death.”
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not.
It is important to make breaks between individual exercises. I personally stick to breaks of about 3-4 years.
Sometimes I drink water - just to surprise my liver.
Hearing voices in your head is normal. Listening to them is quite common. Arguing with them – acceptable. It is only when you lose that argument that you get in real trouble.
Of course I have a talent. I'm really good in bed. Sometimes I sleep more than 9 hours in one go.
"If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to the height of your ego and jump down to your IQ level."
According to my mirror I am pregnant. The father is Nutella.
If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate?
A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That should give hope to quite a few people.
I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. I am perfect.
If I can still lie on the ground without having to hold myself, I'm not drunk.
Do people talk about you behind your back? Simply [blip].
They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes. I did the math. Seems I died in 1543.
As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me.
Good morning everyboomie......whether you're a morning person or not.
The funny thing about that is, it's easier for me to be cheery when I'm sleeping.
Some of the happiest times of my life were in my dreams.
Speaking of happy times, I spent two or three hours today on my hands and knees, in my yard, pulling weeds.
My back is letting me know right now how much fun it was.
That's ok though. As soon as I hit the sack I'll get to my happy place so much quicker.
I just might try and go back out to the sod farm tomorrow. It's supposed to be a nice day for it.
Have a happy day everyone.