You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
~Yogi Berra~
````````````
"We drove past a city cemetery and my dad remarked, “Do you know why I can’t be buried here, boy?”
“Why?”
“Because I’m still alive.”
````````
Dad: I have a very secure job. There’s nobody else who would want it.
```````
Dad, I’m hungry!”
“Oh hello Hungry, I’m Dad!”
“But I’m really hungry!”
“And I’m really Dad.”
`````````
Daughter: “How do I look, daddy?!”
Dad: “With your eyes, sweetheart.”
`````````
Dad, I’m cold!
Go to the corner, son, there’s 90 degrees.
`````````
When somebody asks my dad how he feels, he always replies, „With my hands.“
``````````
Stop whining, you will never be the man your mother is.
`````````
Two walls arrange a date – “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
````````
“Dad, can you make me a sandwich, please?”
Dad: “Abrakadabra, you are now a sandwich!”
```````````
The phone rings.
Dad: What does the caller ID say?
Mom: Private caller.
Dad: Don't answer that. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher.
```````
We only had 4 candles for my cake when I turned 15. My Dad said: “It’s fine. We’ll use them. It is 4 your birthday, anyway.”
`````````
“Daddy, what is an alcoholic?”
“Do you see those 4 trees, son? An alcoholic would see 8 trees.”
“Um, Dad - there are only 2 trees.”
````````
"What is a bunny without a carrot?"
-
"Hungry!"
`````````
“Dad, can you call mom’s phone? She can’t find it.”
“Absolutely! ‘Mom’s phone! Mom’s phone!’”
```````
Did you hear about the new movie Constipation? It hasn’t come out yet.
`````
I told my dad that he should embrace his mistakes. He had tears in his eyes. Then he hugged my sister and me.
``````````
Good morning to all you mourners out there.
I'm mourning the passing of the weekend.
It was a nice weekend, and I know it will be missed by many.
It was on this Earth for such a short time, it's tragic.
So, what's up for the new week?
I did not go to the sod farm again. It was very windy and cold.......again!
It's not a good environment for a delicate flower such as myself.
Not good at all when you have chronic earaches.
I definitely plan on going today, because if you don't make definite plans, your plans definitely don't happen. Capisce?
Plan on a happy day everyone.
joe